Pinterest, the virtual pinboard-a-palooza, has become the go-to hotspot for those seeking inspiration for everything from making cutesy gift tags to organizing that pesky junk drawer to concocting something called Buffalo Chicken Balls.
And let’s not forget those snarky and inspirational quotations that get pinned and then repined 82,997,894 times. And how about the photos of cute kittens, smokin’ strappy sandals, and shirtless shots of Johnny Depp and that English guy from the Twilight movies? I’m no stranger to perusing Pinterest, and openly admit to falling down the rabbit hole a few dozen times and emerging with the sudden urge to repurpose prom dresses into pillow shams.
I recently thought about cats (as I often do) and what sorts of posts they’d pin if they had access to this social networking site. This is the point where you put on your releasing-all-semblance-of-reality glasses.
Here are nine things cats would post on Pinterest, if they could (I wish they could).
1. Stunning sleeping baskets
A cat is always looking for creative ways to spruce up her drab sleeping baskets. Thankfully, human women usually have fancy frocks on the hangers in nearby closets. And a cat won’t let the fear of getting caught stop her; by the time she’s lined the dress with fur and embellished it with a few haute hairballs, we won’t want it back anyway.
2. Comfy nap nests
If a traditional basket or bed isn’t his thing, a cat can discover inventive ways to turn boring household objects into comfy nap nests. Kitty Pinteresters with cabinet-door-opening skills will especially profit from ideas for using the plethora of plates, pans, and platters, which are just ready to serve up a cozy catnap.
3. Words of cat wisdom
Cats are sarcastic in nature and would pounce on another outlet to which they can offer up contempt, especially toward those annoying humans and slobbery dogs.
4. The remains of the gift giving
Ah, the holidays! Nothing excites a cat more than Christmas morning — the crinkly wrapping paper, layers of slippery tissue, and boxes as far as the eye can see. Cats love to slide and hide in and on all of the above, but after a morning of festive frolic, it’s time to rest. Why not remind humans what a treasured gift you are to them all year-round by resting and posing in a festive holiday bag?
5. Warm laundry (must radiate warmth!)
What’s more tantalizing to a cat than a warm laundry basket full of clothing, blankets, and towels? Cats drool over photos of fresh laundry baskets like some human women drool over Jimmy Choo knee-high boots or a smart little patent-leather Kate Spade bag.
6. Small, delicious prey
Photos of birds and rodents pepper the pinboards, and some cats have boards exclusively for certain types of bird and rodent. Squirrels are a fan favorite, and thousands follow some felines simply for the wide variety of squirrel photos they feature on their boards.
7. Innovative hidey-holes
Cats are always looking for clever new hiding places, and Pinterest is the perfect place for the whiskered set to share sneaky slip-away spots. Some are better than others.
8. Anything and everything worth swatting
Felines love to play, but sometimes they get sick to death of the same old catnip mouse and jingle ball. Many times, found objects become the most fulfilling playthings, and cats are not above a little bit of pilfering from humans. In fact, they feel like they deserve a little something extra-special now and again. Dresser tops and bathroom counters are hotbeds of potential cat toys.
9. The kitchen-counter promised land
Speaking of countertops, the forbidden kitchen counter holds tantalizing and tasty mysteries and treasures, which sing sweetly to cats much like the mythological Sirens sang to sailors in olden texts. The unwrapped food opportunities change daily, and wrappers, paper products, and unwashed plates and pans leave a cat with the kind of unleashed exhilaration that rivals relieving one’s self in a fresh litter pan.
So yes, cats would definitely glean much inspiration from feline-run Pinterest boards, but do we really want to offer new and creative ideas to beings who already outthink and outsmart us most of the time? Friends, I think it’s time to lock down our laptops.