If Cats Ran Facebook Accounts, They’d Be Just as Annoying as Your Insufferable Relatives


Anyone who’s on Facebook knows that it’s rife with drama and annoying people. If you think our cats are immune, think again. Here’s what five annoying types of Facebook felines would look like if the cats ran their own accounts.

1. The relationship drama play-by-play announcer

These cats are usually less than a year old, but some adults — even spayed and neutered adults who should know better — still engage in this puerile behavior.

2. The share-bot

You’ve seen them: these people manically post graphic after ugly graphic with cutesy sayings or "wisdom" that comes from the Doctor Phil show. Alas, cats are not immune from the picture-sharing bug.

3. The pearl-clutching urban legend believer

The human world is filled with gang initiators, organ thieves, Facebook hackers, child abductors, food fright, and every imaginable danger … well, if you believe your Aunt Martha, who shares one of these alleged horror stories at least once a day. Cats, unfortunately, aren’t much different.

4. The selfie-obsessed photographer

Here’s to the duckface girls, the people who take pictures of their face from somewhere above their forehead to hide their double chin, the angst-ridden teenagers with 1,000 photo manipulation apps on their phones. You’d never imagine it, but cats are vain (and bored) too!

5. The evangelist of the Gospel of Poor Me

You’ve seen these people. They constantly post vague hints about their daily struggles with bad husbands, bad jobs, bad friends, and bad lives. After all, they’ve done nothing at all to deserve such agony. Bet you didn’t know that plenty of cats enjoy their victim dramas, too — and plenty of other cats want to set them straight.

If your cats were on Facebook, what type of sharer would they be? Share (heh) your thoughts (and maybe some posts they’d make) in the comments.

About JaneA Kelley: Punk-rock cat mom, science nerd, animal shelter volunteer, and all-around geek with a passion for bad puns, intelligent conversation, and role-play adventure games. She gratefully and gracefully accepts her status as chief cat slave for her family of feline bloggers, who have been writing their cat advice column, Paws and Effect, since 2003. JaneA dreams of making a great living out of her love for cats.

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