That’s right, I tied the knot with two cats. I married my tabby twin boys Spider and Lugosi on Jan. 9, 2004. Both of them. They are the loves of my life, so I thought, why not make it official?
The first time I laid eyes on them at the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals shelter in East London in March 2000, it was love at first sight. And I could tell the feeling was mutual, judging by their purrs and the way they were rubbing their little faces against the inside of their cage. These two tabby brothers were so coming home with me!
And time does fly! Our 10th anniversary is already coming up in January. As with all marriages, we have been through good times and bad times, life has been up and down, and we even moved house (and country!) together. They are my soul mates and I would go to the ends of the Earth with them.
Marrying one cat is crazy enough, but two? Call me a bigamist (or even call it incest because they’re brothers), but I love them both equally and, to be honest, I have never been one to care about what people say or think anyway, especially when it has anything to do with my cats and the “unusual” relationship I have with them.
I have loved and lived with a couple of partners before, but the love I feel for my furbabies is so much deeper than anything I have ever felt for a human. Some people immediately think with their minds in the gutter because the word “marriage” generally implies that there would be sex involved. What a horrible and obnoxious thought! But there is absolutely nothing perverse or disgusting about the union with my cats. It’s just pure, spiritual, unconditional love on both sides, as simple as that — and that is really what our marriage is about.
Lugosi and Spider have been my constant companions for 14 years now, making it the longest-lasting relationship I have ever had with anyone. The first few years of their lives were also shared with my human boyfriend, but when that relationship ended, they were still there for me, helping me get through the separation anxieties and feelings of sadness about the break-up of a seven-year long relationship.
I searched online for info about marrying my cats, and I found www.marryyourpet.com, a website run by two lovely ladies who would marry you to your cat, dog, rat, sheep, horse or any other animal you lost your heart and soul to. This is, of course, not an official marriage and the certificate you receive afterwards is not a legal document, but I thought it would be fun to get hitched to Lugosi and Spider in some kind of way, so I paid the fee of €10 for the “Simple Wedding” and was married to my boys within the hour. The certificate, printed on posh, expensive paper, arrived in the post a week later.
In August that year I was contacted by the now defunct British tabloid News of the World and asked whether I would want to be featured in an article about people who had married their pets in its Sunday Magazine supplement. Of course, I said yes!
People often ask me, “Did your cats have a say in the matter at all?” To which I usually reply, “Well, they’re cats. Since they’re such independent creatures in every way, I would take a wild guess and say that they would never agree to getting married to anyone, ever.” Followed by, “But since they are so playful and fun to be with, they would probably agree to having a bit of a laugh and just doing this for the sheer hell of it.” Or maybe that’s just my own, pathetic human thoughts?!
Since our “wedding day,” I had always thought of getting a tattoo of my boys inked somewhere on my body. But even though doodling dozens of different designs on paper and in Photoshop for years, I didn’t come up with anything that I liked 100 percent until 2007, when I sat down on the computer blessed with a sudden burst of creativity and produced the rather simple but pretty design you see in the photo below (the black kitties are based on Emily Strange) — so now Spider and Lugosi’s initials are forever immortalized on the side of my right lower leg.
Only destiny can tell how much time we have left together on this earth. The boys are already 14 years old, but I hope that they have a few of their nine lives left in them and will make it to a ripe old age of 20 or more!
‘Til death do us part.
About the Author: Barbarella Buchner — Ailurophile. Geeky Goth Girl. Photographer. Web Designer. Fibromyalgia + RA Sufferer. And totally mad! She originally hails from Germany, then moved to London, and since 2004 has lived on the tropical island of Lanzarote, together with her tabby twins Lugosi & Spider, and ginger queen Ruby Akasha. Apart from being an avid hobby — and sometimes even paid! — photographer, she works as a freelance web and graphic designer. She designed and maintains the 9 Lives Lanzarote website.
