6 Ways to Turn Your Lazy Cat Into a Cash Cow


I’m a dabbler. I’ve never been short on hobbies or money-making projects. I enjoy trying new things. I went through a sewing phase and created tons of funky bags to sell at craft shows. That lasted a few months. Then for about a year, I hit the crafting circuit with handmade beaded jewelry. I’ve also tried felting, painting, and selling gourmet kitchen goodies at in-home parties.

These were all fleeting forays into projects for which I felt brief, yet extraordinarily intense, passion. I know I’m not the only one who embraces side projects and hobbies as opportunities for generating a little extra cha-ching.

But what about cats? If cats wanted a few extra coins for catnip, what kinds of gigs would tickle their whiskers? Well, that’s just exactly what I was pondering.

1. Tongue-extender informercial host

Chubby cats tend to have more difficulty reaching those hard-to-lick spots, right? Right. What if, during a bout of insomnia, I flipped on the TV to find some fast-talkin’ feline peddling tongue extenders to roly-poly pussycats? “And if you act now, you’ll receive this set of ten Ginsu nail caps! Sharp enough to slice through a bag of jerky and still sufficiently claw that dog who keeps jacking your spot on the couch!”

2. Lid party consultant

Cats love lids of all kinds. Can’t you just imagine kitties arriving one by one at Muffin’s home for an evening of liver p├ót├® canap├®s and the opportunity to sample and purchase every type of cat-friendly lid imaginable? Milk jug lids are always best-sellers, but the toppers on soda bottles (2-liter and 16-ounce) and shampoo (twist and pop-off) are also crowd favorites. After a short presentation from the consultant, the party guests could feel free to grab a lid or two and bat them around on both carpet and hard surfaces. “Try before you buy,” the consultant would urge.

3. Sun-puddle rental agent

Sun puddles are cat-magnets, but not every feline is lucky enough to access prime sunbeam action any time of the day. Much like humans rent tanning beds, cats could rent blocks of sun-puddle time. Perhaps Felix is a business-savvy tuxie who lives in a house with giant windows. But it doesn’t stop there. The massive windows capture both full-on eastern and western sunlight, and there are no trees obstructing any part of the puddles. Cats could purchase one-time sessions or a monthly pass. Reservations are recommended, because the walk-in crowd can sometimes stretch around the block. Felix would remind customers there are no rainy-day refunds, so watch the weather.

4. Box-fitting specialist

Cats enjoy all boxes, but a perfectly snug-fitting box is priceless. Those who’ve had a history of nightmare bra experiences prior to enjoying the wonder of a proper bra fitting will agree that sometimes it takes an expert to help us find a flawless fit. Some cats are naturally talented in the art of box-fitting.

A particularly gifted cat can earn quite a good living by matching cats with boxes. The client can supply her own box selections, or the specialist will bring a variety of styles and sizes to the fitting. From simple modified tissue boxes to sturdy corrugated cardboard shipping boxes of all sizes, the specialist would guarantee a perfect fit.

5. Paw reader

Felines are naturally intuitive and would make excellent paw readers, available for hire at parties or festivals. Kitty customers would be eager to learn the fate of all their lives (past lives regression extra), and the paw reader would look at the shape of and lines on the pads and offer valuable insight. She’d have to charge an additional fee, of course, for cats with lots of toe fluff, because of the extra work required to access the pads.

6. Party planner

Cats rejoice when humans leave the house, because they know that’s when the real fun begins! Lack of supervision means unlimited passage to the kitchen counter, dining-room table, and other no-no spots. Some cats feel so exhilarated when they hear the car pull down the driveway, they become paralyzed, not sure where to start the shenanigans.

This is where the party planner steps in to offer guidance. This experienced counter cruiser would demonstrate techniques and strategies for accessing the best parts of the kitchen, including locating the best cat-friendly unattended noms and teaching pantry-opening 101. He’d even alert the client’s closest friends so they could join the festivities!

What money-making gigs would your cat love to do? Tell us about them in the comments!

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