How My Cats Would Party on a Saturday Night


Some people who obviously don’t spend time with cats think kitties don’t have much for personalties, and that they’re really all just the same. Not so, my ill-informed friends. We cat fanciers know that each feline possesses a unique personality that shines through every little thing they do.

I share my home with three cats and, based on their individual personalities, I have a pretty good idea how they’d like to spend a Saturday night … that is, if they had human-type choices.

1. Phoebe

Phoebe is a natural party girl with oodles of energy and is always looking for the next good time. I’m certain she’d spend her Saturday nights at the closest kitty-cat dance club or catnip rave, dancing with other wild kitties. When she wasn’t busting moves (is that even a current phrase anymore?) on the floor, she’d be bellied up to the fountain for refreshment.

Ladies’ nights are her favorites because it’s all-you-can-drink fountain time for the girls. After spending the wee hours of the morning at an after-hours party at some cat named Stumpy’s house, she’d stumble home and fall into bed. She’d be like of the the girls from Jersey Shore, just less skanky.

2. Cosmo

Cosmo wouldn’t be fond of wasting his weekends at frivolous parties, eating too much catnip and thrashing about a dance floor. Plus, he wouldn’t like to sweat. He couldn’t imagine consorting with the types of cats he’d find at one of those “catnip raves.” He wouldn’t even know what that means, anyway. He’d have no time for senseless frolicking.

Instead, he’d prefer staying in, wearing his favorite ascot and smoking jacket, and playing intelligent games like chess or Scrabble with a close friend or two. They’d eat fancy liver-pate finger sandwiches and drink filtered water out of china teacups. I kind of think of him as Niles from the TV show Frasier.

3. Saffy

Saffy might like to meet a nice fellow, but would wind up staying home by herself on Saturday nights to catch up on the recorded shows on her DVR. She’d settle on the sofa and watch the last week’s episodes of The Bachelor, Dancing With the Stars and the latest Lifetime movie. Sure, she might eat an entire bag of cheesy poofs and drink more than one or two catniptinis, but who’s counting?

After watching all her shows, she’d end the night playing some Candy Crush and Bejeweled, taking quizzes on Facebook, and cruising the online dating sites, looking at eligible toms. Then she’d climb into bed with the latest trade paperback romance and fall asleep with the book on her chest. She’d be a little like Bridget Jones as a cat.

How would your cats spend their Saturday nights? Tell us all about it in the comments!

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About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

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