My pampered, domesticated little felines are distant relatives of mighty wildcats, but they still sometimes act like they’re total big-cat badasses. I try not to mar their sensitive egos, but sometimes I can’t help but giggle at their attempts at badassery.
Here are five ways my cats think they’re fierce little badasses.
1. Wastebasket thievery
Phoebe owns the wastebaskets. She enjoys tipping them over and looking for tape or anything sticky she can pilfer. When she finds what she wants, her expression becomes that of a mighty tigress — then she snatches her find and tears off with it. Sometimes she’ll stop and look back at me like, “What are you gonna do about it?” Ha. Hunter and gatherer … of the wastebasket region. Badass.
2. Midnight “hunting”
Saffy usually hunts one large toy mouse at night and leaves it outside our bedroom door. This unassuming cat emits the most ferocious howls as she’s carrying her “kill” to our door. We always chuckle when we find our present in the morning. She may be a little chunky and have below-average self esteem, but she’s one hell of a badass “hunter.”
3. So what?
Sometimes I catch one of my cats on the kitchen counter or table, which are no-no’s in our house. After they’re busted, they jump down and then walk away, looking quite smug. Yeah, they were on the counter, and they’ll do it again. And it’s not only counters and tables — it’s anywhere that’s off limits. They are skilled in expressing that combination of ignoring me and saying “screw you” at the same time. Only a true badass can pull that off.
4. Critter watching
My cats stay indoors but satisfy their rodent-stalking instincts by intently watching the chipmunks who dine from our front porch. And boy do those kitties look fierce — as if they’re cheetahs on the Savannah, with their eyes narrowed in on an gazelle. If only those chippies knew about the badass that would descend upon them if not for the window of separation. Just like Africa … except in the Minnesota suburbs.
5. Territory battles
Some things are just worth fighting for — like a great box. I’ve seen my cats come to serious blows over cardboard. And of course they have to puff up and try to out-badass one another the whole time. I understand, some things are just worth the scuffle. Boxes, bags, baskets … all valuable items worth gettin’ fierce for.
In what ways does your cat act like a total badass? Tell us about them in the comments!
Laugh with us:
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Read more by Angie Bailey:
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- Texts from Mittens: The “Antiques Roadshow” Edition
- And Now, 5 Photos of My Cats Caught in the Act
- What Happens When My Cats Tell Me What to Wear
- 5 Ways My Cats Completely Own Me
- My Cats Are Addicts: 5 Reasons They Would Land in Rehab
- Do You Ever Wish You’d Given Your Cat a Different Name?
- What if Cats Held Office Jobs? Worst. Cubicle Mates. EVER!
- 3 Ways You and Your Kids Can Help Big Cats
About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.