If My Cats Worked in an Office, Here’s How They’d Be Typecast


It’s been a loooong time since I worked in an office. I never really fit into such a situation, and I once got called out for telling too many cute cat stories. I’m sure some offices are wonderful places to work. Some I worked in felt like large dysfunctional families. Because I was always around the same group of people, working closely together, it seemed that people sometimes (fairly or unfairly) got typecast. Certain types were expected to act a certain way, and often they did. Perhaps the strange setting brings out this kind of interaction in people. (I have a theory that it’s simply unnatural to expect people to function well all the time together in an enclosed space, with little or no access to nature and peace — but then again, some say I am eccentric. Maybe I am.)

When I consider my cats in an office, I see they can be easily typecast, too. Yikes. Good thing they don’t have all our human neuroses. Nonetheless, some of my cats would fit easily into some of these workplace personalities.

1. The surprisingly effective (if quiet) manager

This would be my cat Chester. Chester is quiet and kind, but, in a steely way, he’ll let you know that he likes order in his domain. He’s my guard cat who let’s me know when someone strange pulls in the driveway (he growls). Chester is the cat who quietly backed a visiting German Shepherd into a corner, just by giving her a sort of squinty eyed, no-nonsense gaze. If Chester were a human manager, he’d be the one who people would really sit up and listen to. He wouldn’t waste words; every word would count.

2. The micromanager

The micromanager is less subtle. The micromanaging cat, just like his human counterpart, must know what is going on at all times. The micromanager also can’t resist going beyond management and trying to help everyone, at every level, with their work. Leo is not my cat, but he is the best manager, and micromanager, I have ever seen. He positions himself in the house so he can watch everyone’s activities all at once. If a child gets home late on the school bus (or doesn’t come home at all), Leo notices, and gets upset.

3. The problem solver and bright upstart

Norton would be the bright young upstart in the office who can figure out anything. I’ve never seen a smarter, more focused cat. Norton would probably be an engineer in an office. There isn’t anything that he can’t figure out. If there’s a hard door to open, Norton will figure out how to open it. Norton will be the first to try anything daring — he has no fear. He’ll boldly go into new high places that none of the other cats attempt. He has a cheery, breezy energy, and he’d probably be the person that everyone loves.

4. The bright upstart’s mentor, Mr. Flirt

We call him Flirty Face, and he has a bunch of other nicknames, too. Zorro, the Ragdoll, has a cheery positive attitude just like Norton, and the two are best buds. Norton has learned many of his tricks from Zorro, and Norton learns fast. In a human office, these two would be fast friends. They might be almost TOO clever at times, but their upbeat approach to life would make it hard to get mad at them. Zorro is an amazing flirt and attention monger, too. Fortunately, Norton is so laid-back that there’s no animosity between them.

5. The dark and brooding upstart

My Rama would be the guy in the office who is bright but seems perpetually snarky, who wears a crabby exterior but is sweet and tender inside. Only a special few other officemates get to see that tender side of this personality. He seems troubled, but no one knows why. This person, and Rama, have a sensuality that they don’t seem to realize they have. There’s a young innocence about this type, even with their dark and brooding ways. It’s my gut feeling that this type will have the toughest time flourishing in an office environment!

How would your cats show their personality in a human office work situation? Tell us in the comments!

More by Catherine Holm:

About Catherine Holm: Told that she is funny but doesn’t know it, accused of being an unintentional con artist by her husband, quiet, with frequent unannounced bursts into dancing liveliness, Cat Holm loves writing about, working for, and living with cats. She is the author of The Great Purr, the cat-themed memoir Driving with Cats: Ours for a Short Time, the creator of Ann Catanzaro cat fantasy story gift books, and the author of two short story collections. She loves to dance, be outside whenever possible, read, play with cats, make music, do and teach yoga, and write. Cat lives in the woods, which she loves as much as really dark chocolate, and gets regular inspiration shots along with her double espresso shots from the city.

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