I love perusing the pages of community education catalogs. When my kids were little, I registered them for all kinds of classes. They tried T-ball and soccer, after which it became glaringly clear neither one of them had much in the way of natural athletic ability. I realized my son wasn’t even excited about sports when he whined, “I’d like soccer if it weren’t for the running part.” Oh well, we tried. Later on, they went through a “home alone safety course.” This was valuable and gave me peace of mind that they weren’t going to burn the place down while cooking pizza rolls.
Aside from the kiddie classes, the community ed. catalog offers tons of courses for adults looking for yoga classes, Powerpoint tips, and even instruction in writing your own will! Cats are smart cookies; I just know they’d be all over community education classes, if there were any that suited their fancies.
Here are five I think my cats would enjoy.
1. Tips for avoiding holiday photo ops
Tired of being held down and forced to wear ridiculous reindeer antlers and horrendous Halloween hot dog costumes? Fear not! We have the course just for you! This three-hour class is packed with practical tips for avoiding all the harrowing holiday hoopla that goes along with humans simply needing to snap that perfect photo. You’ll learn methods to easily identify new cat clothing that’s made its way into your home, advanced wiggling and scratching moves, and patented disappearing techniques that have been perfected by feline magicians in the Far East (of Indiana). Register early — space is limited.
2. Make the most of your stairs
Do you live in a home with stairs? Do you believe racing up and down is the only way to enjoy a stairway? Are you ready for life-changing excitement? Then this is the series of classes for you. In the three-week class that meets Monday afternoons in Oreo’s split-level townhouse, we’ll show you thrilling stairway games (bring your own milk jug ring), napping positions, never-before-seen “trip the human” techniques and more!
3. You can keep the litter inside the box
Are you accused of being a “litter slob?” Does half the litter in the box wind up on the floor? If you have trouble controlling your litter-kicking power, we can help. Join local litter box scholar Boots Flannigan for a morning of learning positive self-talk and practical exercises to help you rein in your kicks. Boxes with unscented clumping litter provided.
4. Stop stealing food through group hypnosis
If you’re a cat who gets a “high” from taking other cats’ food, please know you are not alone. Through the gentle process of group hypnosis, you’ll eliminate those urges and find you are fulfilled by what’s in your own bowl. Bring a fuzzy blanket or box for additional comfort. Have the courage to face your compulsive behavior head-on. No refunds.
5. Make your own box fort!
One box is fun, but imagine the endless entertainment you could enjoy with multiple boxes fashioned into a fort. In this one-time gathering, you’ll create a unique design and begin building the fort of your dreams! We supply one shoe box and one medium-sized Costco box for each participant. You bring additional boxes. No prior experience necessary. You provide your own snacks — we provide a leaky bathroom water faucet.
What kind of community ed. classes would your cats register for? Tell us about it in the comments!
About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with a adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.
Read more by Angie Bailey:
- 5 Reasons My Cats Think I’ve Lost My Mind
- And Now, 5 Photos of My Cats Caught in the Act
- It’s Impossible to Be Mad at These 6 Cats
- My Cats Are Addicts: 5 Reasons They Would Land in Rehab
- 5 Parts of Cat Anatomy That Crack Me Up
- What if Cats Held Office Jobs? Worst. Cubicle Mates. EVER!
- 8 Cats Who Look Like Ice Cream
- 5 Ways My Cats Are Total Taskmasters