Christmas is coming, and kids around the world are busy penning their letters to the big guy at the North Pole. That’s right, friends, I’m referring to Santa Claus. When I was a young lass, I wrote many a letter to Mr. Claus. I can only assume he received them because I received many items that were on my list. I’m not exactly sure how about the cost of postage to Santa’s workshop back then, but my parents had it covered.
I grew to adulthood and had kids of my own, who also wrote long and detailed letters to Santa. Like my parents, I made sure he received the lovely letters, and my children were always pleased with the Christmas morning deliveries.
Now my kids are grown and I live with two cats, who indeed have stockings hanging alongside the ones designated for the humans in the family. If you regularly read my posts here on Catster, you know I have an affinity for imagining cats doing human activities, so why wouldn’t I muse about their letters to Santa? Of course I would.
Come into my imagination (it’s okay — I promise) and let’s talk about the kinds of things cats might add to their Christmas list.
1. Opposable thumbs
Santa is pure magic, and if he can’t deliver opposable thumbs, then nobody can. Well, maybe David Blaine, but he’s not the Christmas guy. If kitties could manage to wake up Christmas morning with opposable thumbs, they’d be inexplicably happy, and we humans would be in big trouble.
There would be infinite possibilities for the cat with opposable thumbs. They could open cabinets, which hold their cans of food. Then they could open the cans of food. They could use the TV remote control and catch up on their “stories.” Hell, they could hitchhike. Yeah, opposable thumbs would be at the top of their list.
2. Wrapping paper all year long
The holidays remind cats how much they go completely nutso over gift-wrapping supplies. The bags! The wrapping paper! The bows! The tape! It’s pure nirvana for those little fuzzbutts, and they have to get all up in our grills when we’re wrapping presents. Now if only Santa could guarantee that these lovely supplies would be available year-round, all would be well with the world. Well, in a cat’s mind it would.
At first glance, this may seem like an odd request, right? But hang on a minute. Cat love to stare at us — like super stare. They’re total stare cases. They want to know what we’re doing at all times and constantly looking for opportunities to snuggle or gain treats. Here’s the thing, though — they also love to sleep. In fact, they sleep most of the day. It’s sometimes a struggle to choose between staring and sleeping. Here’s where the toothpick part comes in: If a cat had toothpicks, he could prop his eyes open and stare for extended lengths of time if that’s what he desired. Weird? Maybe. But still … Dear Santa, bring toothpicks.
4. A Snugli
You know what a Snugli is, right? Maybe not. It’s a baby carrier that you can wear on the front of your body. The human baby stays close and everyone is happy. Some cats (*cough* my Cosmo *cough*) are total Velcro kitties and would love nothing more than to slide into a Snugli and be at one with his favorite human — All. Day. Long.
5. A moth infestation
Cats go bananas over moths. You know when they’re intently staring at a light fixture, there’s gotta be a moth in there somewhere. They’d for sure ask the big guy for a full-blown moth infestation. We humans would not so much be on board with such a request, so this letter to Santa may wind up somewhere in Omaha.
Revenge! It’s not a tangible object, but kitties who’ve had to deal with the indignity of sporting festive holiday wear would take a change and ask Santa to bring a little revenge in that bag of his. He’s magical and would work out all the particulars.
What would be on your cat’s letter to Santa? Tell us in the comments!