What if Cats Were Politicians? These Would Be Their Smear Ads


I don’t know about your town, but in my area, nasty political ads are in full swing. Opponents are digging up dirt on their competitors and it’s muddying up our televisions and mailboxes. Some of the ads are kind of humorous, and others are just downright mean. Whatever the case, ’tis the season for political mudslinging.

Cats are known to be pretty snarky and have the perfect minds to create some serious political smear campaigns. Here are six possibilities:

1. This purebred pretty boy is out of touch with the real issues!

Captain Jack Sparrow of Whisker Hills says he’s the right cat to represent us, but he’s completely out of touch with the cats in our district. While he’s out winning fancy awards at high-end cat shows, we’re back home eating generic treats and sleeping on flattened sofa cushions. How is this purebred pretty boy going to help us stop dogs from stealing poop from our litter boxes when he’s probably squatting in a giant golden chalice?

2. Family Man? Ha!

Mittens McGee says he’s a family man, and he’s right about that. He’s got families all over town! In a recent press conference, he swore he was neutered two years ago, but has anyone actually seen him from behind? Think about that for a minute and ask yourself if you want this kind of lying playboy in office.

3. Tax-evading tabby!

Stripes Adams cannot be elected this November! His irresponsible spending is a horrible example for our community, and he must be stopped! Have you seen the palatial Amazon box where he spends his summers? He hasn’t paid taxes on that box in two years! Do you want this kind of cat in charge of our Department of Cat Grass?

4. We’re still reeling from “the bathtub incident of 2012”!

Before you cast your vote for Oreo Jones, be sure to remember the “bathtub incident of 2012.” Oreo was supposed to be passing out toy mice to the community cats at the park, but instead was found batting the mice inside a bathtub and gulping water from the dripping faucet. Not to be trusted!

5. It’s only a matter of time before he self-destructs!

Smokey Pawpaw has a catnip addiction and no one is doing anything about it. He’s been in and out of treatment at Whispering Whiskers rehab center for three years, and just last week someone caught him deliriously high and unable to walk a straight line. This cat is a bad role model for our kittens and it’s only a matter of time before he self-destructs and leaves us without a leader!

6. Patches’ dirty little secret!

Patches Silverman has a dirty little secret. We’re not “barking” up the wrong tree when we say she’s a habitual dog-kisser, caught on film several times licking random canines, sometimes against their will. We need a candidate who’s going to be focused on issues, not thinking about the Labradoodle down the street.

What kind of smear campaign ad would your cat write? Give us an example in the comments!

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Read more by Angie Bailey:

About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

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