My Cat Is Such a Pillow Hog That He Gives Me a Sore Neck


My Cosmo wants to be as close to me as possible — all the time. Sometimes when I’m in bed, he keeps scooting closer and closer to me until he’s completely plastered against my body. He does it so gradually that I never even notice until I’m sweating like crazy.

One of his favorite moves in his efforts to become my second skin is the hijacking of my pillow while I’m sleeping. Again, it’s completely gradual and I only realize he’s overtaken my comfy headrest when I’ve woken up with a sore neck. Throughout the night, he slowly occupies my pillow space until I’m left with a tiny triangle of cushiness. I think if I were to sleep an extra hour or two, I’d probably wake up with my head flat on the mattress, leaving him with a memory-foam cat bed contoured for a human’s cervical comfort.

Lately I’ve been trying to snap photos of the situation. As soon as I wake up and flip on the lamp, I do the reverse-thing on the camera and capture the image. Not that I think you won’t believe me — I just want documentation in case someone questions why I can’t fully turn my head to the left.

Occasionally, his position allows me to open my eyes to a cat-butt greeting. I remember once reaching over to cuddle him in the dark and laying a giant smooch right on his rear end. Some would say I get that all the time when I kiss Cosmo on the lips, but I don’t care — it’s not the same to me. Or at least I pretend it’s not.

Once I’ve woken up and he knows I’m not going back to sleep, he starts purring like crazy. I do love that part. I usually scooch my head over and rest it gently on top of his rumbling belly. Then he stands up, giving me an up-close-and-personal anal view, and starts licking the wrought iron of my headboard. The sound is a little more than slightly irritating, but it makes him so happy to snack on it, so I let him go. It’s a small thing.

While he’s going to town on the headboard, I usually try and enjoy some full-on pillow time or at least stretch my neck a bit. He’ll occasionally try and recapture my newly claimed comfort, but enough is enough! I try to direct him toward another pillow on the bed, or invite him under the covers for a nice morning cuddle. Sometimes he’ll go for it, and other times he insists on taking back “his” pillow.

If I’m really tired, I ignore his efforts; however, I admit that sometimes I do just give it to him and decide to get out of bed and start my day. Of course, then he decides he no longer wants my pillow because I’m no longer attached to it. So he follows me to the living room and then sits on top of me as I find some relief yoga-fying my neck. I love that cat, but I wish he had a chiropractic degree.

Is your cat a pillow hog? Tell us in the comments!

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About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

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