January 29th 2014 2:04 pm
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Thank you dear friends for stopping by today to wish Miss Mittens and me a happy Gotcha Day and for the lovely Stars and Rosettes to grace our pages! We love you!
It's a very sad day for mommy and she's feeling very depressed and has been crying off and on all day. That's because we're no longer here to celebrate this special day and it hurts bad.
Soon there'll no longer be a Catster either and that hurts too. We'll no longer be able to visit our friends. We'll no longer have our memorial pages for mommy to visit. Did you know that mommy looks at our pages to *remembers* us (and cries too) and -- sshhh! please don't tell anyone -- she talks to us too.
Thank you Tundra for the pretty memento picture of Mittens and me together. Sadly, we were unable to download it onto Catster. When mommy goes to photos to download the picture and clicks *manage photos* it takes us to the Community Page. *sigh*
So, mommy downloaded the picture onto each of our pages on Cathugger. It's a different set up over there and you have to click on photos and then an album. The picture Tundra made for us is in our Catster Memento albums. Mommy will add more mementos from Catster as she gets time.
We're encountering lots of glitches on Catster. Things just aren't working like they should. E.g., we try to switch from *Friends Activity* to something else and get a white screen with a number and *bad server* notice. Then we have to get off and come back on again. It opens up on odd pages. And today we couldn't add photos. We know Catster is no longer being maintained and because of that, we may not be coming here much longer.
One of our dear Catster friends, Colette-Sidonie, is very ill and will soon be making her journey. Please PURR for her and for her mom too!
So, we say GOODBYE. It hurts saying it. It REALLY hurts! We hate saying goodbye. We sincerely hope that we will stay in touch with you, either on Cathugger, by email and possibly FB.
Miss Mittens and I and everyone in our family are going to miss all of you. Mommy nixed joining the Facebook but is now leaning towards it again because we miss our friends so much. So you might see us over there after all . . .
Love, hugs, butterfly kisses,
Kaci Sunshine, Miss Mittens and family
P.S. We'd love for you to join us on Cathugger!
January 16th 2014 1:34 pm
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VERY bad and sad news: Catster/Dogster will be shutting down on March 3.
I'm literally sick to my stomach over this horrible news and can't stop crying. I'm angry and very bitter over what I can only call a betrayal.
My angel kitties' pages will be obliterated and 7 years of precious memories and all the time, love, work and money invested in Catster -- gone in an instant!
All of my cats' photos are saved on my computer but that won't duplicate their pages. I will try to copy Kaci's diary. She has 38 *pages* of diary entries going back to early 2007. That's hundreds and hundreds of diary entries. Making copies of diaries is very time-consuming, as I learned when I copied Miss Mittens' diary a year ago. Copying the equally precious comments too will be almost impossible.
Nothing can replace their beautiful pages and so-called *forever* Stars with all the precious messages. My cats' pages are their "memorials" and my heart is breaking over this.
Just as heartbreaking is losing my friends. That hurts just as much. I don't want to lose contact with you. I'm not on Facebook because I don't like it and don't know if I will join but really don't want to lose contact with friends.
If you want to keep in contact with me, please send me a pawmail with your e-mail address and/or phone number and I'll give you mine.
Kaci's mom Teri
December 22nd 2013 8:16 pm
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Hello to everyone from Rainbow Bridge!
I'm fine here at Rainbow Bridge. Miss Mittens and I are ecstatic that we're together again. We love our beautiful gossamer wings and flying and soaring through the clouds, chasing butterflies, playing tag and going on picnics with our friends in the rainbow meadow and napping in the catnip gardens! Our angel siblings Callie, Pete, Jennifer & Abby are also with us and we've been having a blast! There's only one thing that makes us sad and that's mommy. She's having a rough time of it.
Mommy has been very sick and housebound for the past 3 weeks. She caught one of the nastiest URIs she's ever had. It started with 4 days of fever and then the whole nine yards afterwards. The doctor says she doesn't have bronchitis but her coughing has been brutal. The only times she's been out were to go to the doctor, the pharmacy and occasionally to take grandma somewhere. Even going out for short times made her feel worse. Despite all the medicines she's been taking, it's been taking a long time for her to get better but yesterday she finally started to feel better. Feeling so sick and unable to do much of anything means she's been lying around feeling miserable, thinking about me, feeling sadder and sadder every day and crying her eyes out. She misses me very much and her grief is as raw and painful as it was 2 months ago. Today is Abby's Rainbow Bridge Remembrance Day and also 2 months today since I came to the Bridge. It's been a rough day for mommy.
A few days before mommy got sick, she attended a pet loss support group meeting. Everyone was very kind and mommy told everyone all about me and showed everyone lots of pictures of me. Everyone was very kind and everyone actually looked at my pictures even though all the others who had lost pets had all lost their doggies. One of the leaders of the group -- to mommy's surprise -- was the veterinarian who treated me at the ER that Sunday in early October when I first got so sick. He talked to mommy for a long, long time about her concerns. Mommy thought that maybe if she could have given me a few more days, I might have bounced back. He discussed end stage kidney disease and how sick and exhausted I must have been feeling and that I was so close to the end, there was nothing anyone could really do to help me. He explained how dying from CKD can take a long time and yes, perhaps I could have hung on longer but then he explained what a long, slow, painful and horrid death dying from CKD can be. He helped mommy find peace that she didn't do anything hasty and that she did the right thing for me at exactly the right time. Mommy is very grateful to him and everyone in the group for their help.
Last week, one of the grief counselors called mommy. Mommy wasn't ready to talk then so the counselor gave mommy a homework assignment and said when mommy was ready, to call her back and they'd talk. Mommy had to write about me along with how losing me was making her so sad. She also was told to write down everything and anything else that came up, because there are always other issues and past griefs involved. Mommy did and it was very tough. She wrote and wrote and cried and cried and eventually got it all down in coherent form. And other issues did come up. Mommy called the counselor and they talked for 2 hours.
Mommy knows it was my time, knows she did everything she could for me and feels at peace about it. The thing is, she misses me . . . really, really misses me! She wants to see me, hold me, smell me, pet me, kiss me, talk to me, hear me . . . The counselor told mommy she will ALWAYS miss me, she'll never stop missing me and she'll never get over it. Once mommy truly comes to terms with that, she can begin to heal and move on. And they discovered the real issue underlying mommy's deep sadness.
The painful issue causing so much grief, pain, anger and guilt is what happened during the final hour and minutes of my sister Miss Mittens' life and the cold, callous and cruel way she was treated and handled. My passing was dignified and done in a caring, compassionate way and so was every one of mommy's other kitties. Mittens deserved the same compassionate and dignified ending the rest of us had. Mommy has never talked about what happened with Mittens and has been unable to talk about it to anyone. She couldn't let herself think about it or deal with it and shoved it down inside her, where it's been festering for 3 years. She won't say what happened to Mittens here in my diary either.
The counselor says mommy has to deal with it now. She should have spoken up back then and made an official complaint. Now she has to give voice to it and speak. She has to do it not only for herself, but for Mittens. Mommy is the only voice Mittens has and she has to speak up for Mittens. Mommy has to write a letter. She doesn't know the present whereabouts of the intended recipient and she may have to talk to others who may not want to get involved. It's going to be a difficult thing for mommy to do but she must do it for Mittens, she must speak up for Mittens. The counselor says it will help mommy deal with her anger and pain and help her heal.
Mommy will never again write anything this personal in my diary (or any of her other kitties' diaries) or in any public forum. She's not sure she's doing the right thing by writing about it here . . .
From all of us here at Rainbow Bridge -- Miss Mittens, Callie, Abby, Pete, Jennifer and me -- we wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Love & hugs,
December 2nd 2013 12:31 pm
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Here's a poem I made sure mommy received and read. I want to share it with you too. It's *longish* but well worth reading. Mommy finds it very comforting.
LETTER FROM YOUR CAT IN HEAVEN
(~ Author Unknown ~)
To my dearest family,
some things I’d like to say.
But first of all, to let you know,
that I arrived okay.
I’m writing this from the Bridge,
Here I dwell with God above.
Here there’s no more tears of sadness.
Here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy
just because I’m out of sight.
Remember that I am with you
every morning, noon, and night.
That day I had to leave you
when my life on Earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me,
and He said, “I welcome you.”
“It’s good to have you back again;
you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dear family,
They’ll be here later on.”
God gave me a list of things,
that He wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list
was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night,
the day’s chores put to flight,
God and I are closest to you . . .
in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on Earth
and all those loving years,
because you are only human,
they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry;
it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers
unless there was some rain.
I wish that I could tell you
all that God has planned.
If I were to tell you,
you wouldn’t understand.
But one thing is for certain,
though my life on Earth is o’er.
I’m closer to you now,
than I ever was before.
There are rocky roads ahead of you
and many hills to climb;
But together we can do it
by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy
and I’d like it for you, too;
That as you give unto the world,
the world will give to you.
If you can help somebody
who’s in sorrow and pain;
Then you can say to God at night . . .
“My day was not in vain.”
And now I am contented . . .
that my life was worthwhile.
Knowing as I passed along
I made somebody smile.
God says: “If you meet somebody
who is sad and feeling low;
Just lend a hand to pick him up,
as on your way you go.
“When you’re walking down the street
with me on your mind;
I’m walking in your footsteps
only half a step behind.
“And when it’s time for you to go . . .
from that body to be free,
Remember you’re not going . . .
You’re coming here to me.”
November 27th 2013 2:36 pm
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Kaci has been gone for 5 weeks and it's been very hard dealing with her loss. Today is a cold, grey and rainy day and my mood matches the weather. My sister needed me to pick her up, drive her to the doctor for minor surgery, then take her to the pharmacy and finally home again. She was in a lot of pain and not feeling well and I was happy to do it. But it's a nasty day with pouring rain and congested roads and very slow moving traffic. By the time I got home this afternoon, I was miserable . . .
that is, until I opened the envelope sent by Julia, momcat to Edgar, Salem, Lucy, Emily, Felicity & family.
I was surprised, delighted and very touched (to say the least!) to find a beautiful spiral bound condolence book -- "In Loving Memory of Kaci Sunshine . . . " with pages of condolences from many of our Catster friends. There are 3 beautiful pictures of Kaci too, decorated with paw prints outlined in glitter, shiny flowers, hearts and jewels -- very beautiful! There's one picture on the cover, another in the middle of the book and one on the last page. I'm going to see if I can scan the pictures onto my computer so I can put them on Kaci's profile but I'm afraid it won't do justice to the pictures. I cried and cried while reading your condolences. At the same time, though, it lightened my heart and mood and brightened up my day.
Thank you to momcat Dana, Big Harry & family for starting and organizing everything, everyone who sent their condolences and to momcat Julia for putting the book together. It's the best gift anyone could ever have given me and I'm very grateful to you and thank you from deep in my heart. It was an unexpected and very thoughtful and welcomed gift and I will treasure it forever.
Happy Thanksgiving Day to all our friends!
Kaci's mommy Teri
November 7th 2013 8:44 pm
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Kaci's vet called on Tuesday afternoon to let me know that her remains were there. I started crying so hard I could barely talk. Yesterday a friend drove me over and I brought Kaci home. Her remains are in a cherrywood box with her name engraved on a gold plate on top of the box. It's a lovely box but smaller than the ones for Miss Mittens and Abby. That made me cry for a reason I can't explain. Probably because she was so tiny at the end. It's been a very rough week and since Sunday, all I've done is cry.
God blessed me by giving Kaci into my care and now she's gone home to be with God in heaven.
Here's a lovely little poem I saw on another angel's page -- I think it was angel Aggie's page -- and copied because I love it so much:
All cats love Heaven,
they know the way there
they know where
the angel cats fly
They'll run past the stars
and the moon and the sun
to curl up with God
in the sky.
(~ Cynthia Rylant ~)
November 2nd 2013 7:47 am
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ORANGE RUFFY made a beautiful photo Memorial Tribute to me and posted it on YouTube. Every time mommy watches it, she feels sad and cries and yet smiles at the same time. Orange Ruffy says the video will remain on YouTube as long as YouTube exists.
Mommy and I love the Tribute! Orange Ruffy and his mommy spent a lot of time putting the Tribute together and we thank them for their very thoughtful and heart-touching gift!
If you'd like to see the Tribute, you can watch it on YouTube at this link: KACI TRIBUTE
If my link doesn't work, here's the url: http://youtu.be/JXxZ73H6vOM
Love & hugs,
Angel Kaci Sunshine & mommy
October 29th 2013 6:47 pm
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Today is one week since my precious Pooh-Bear Kaci left for the Bridge . . .
Kaci got her wings today courtesy of angel Calvin. She looks beautiful with her wings and her sweet face looks so lovely and innocent wearing a halo. Thank you Calvin!
Friends are trying to keep me busy to *distract* me and I have commitments for every day this week and wish I didn’t. Next week I’ll make sure it’s quieter. Yesterday was extremely hectic and in the evening several people called and kept me on the phone for hours. It was an extremely exhausting day and gave me a raging headache.
That’s why I forgot something very dear and important to my heart. I had added Kaci’s name to the list of recent Bridge arrivals for the Rainbow Bridge candlelight ceremony on Petloss.com. The ceremony took place yesterday evening at 10 pm. I had every intention of being online for the ceremony. Yet I was so exhausted that I forgot about the ceremony until an hour after it was over. I was extremely distraught. How could I forget something so important? I hadn’t been there for Kaci and cried for hours. I cried myself to sleep.
The candlelight ceremony is so important for me to partcipate in that I’m going to add Kaci’s name to the Bridge list for next Monday night’s Candlelight Ceremony on RainbowsBridge.com. Nothing will prevent me from participating in the ceremony.
You’ve been extremely supportive and compassionate and more helpful than you can possibly know. I’ve read every one of your pawmails and will answer. I’m hopelessly behind and my energy is low. You’re not being ignored and I’ll answer as soon as I can. Sunday night I started to answer and after typing my reply, I accidentally hit a key my computer -- don’t know which -- and lost everything I’d typed. I gave up and went to bed.
I’ve read every one of your comments and my heart is touched by your kind, thoughtful and compassionate words. Thank you!
I’m also behind in thanks for all the gifts, rosettes and stars sent to Kaci. Please forgive me for being so slow!
God Bless You!
Angel Kaci’s mommy Teri
October 26th 2013 6:53 am
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The outpouring of love for my little girl, along with your sympathy and support, has touched my heart deeply. I'm overwhelmed by your friendship, kindness and sympathy. It was especially touching for me to see many of our old Catster friends who we haven't seen on Catster in years come by and offer their condolences.
Thank you for loving my little Kaci girl! She was a very special kitty, full of sunshine, happiness, unconditional love and lots of spunk! I miss her dearly and always will . . .
Thank you for your comments, paw mails, stars, gifts and rosettes. I've read every single message, comment, and paw mail and will cherish them always.
It's been very difficult for me since losing her. Sadly, you've all lost beloved fur babies and understand. There are times throughout the day when I feel very sad and depressed and cry and don't want to do anything. I have to force myself to eat and then it makes me sick. This is taking a physical toll on my health and I'll be seeing my doctor. My brain is wrapped in a fog and sometimes I can't remember what I'm doing or why. Sometimes, esp. in the evenings, I feel anxiety and a sense that something is very wrong. And then I remember that something is very wrong . . . Kaci isn't here.
There are times when coming on Catster has been comforting. Sometimes it's too painful and I can't stay. I want to thank each one of you individually for your condolences but please be patient with me.
Slowly, but slowly, I'm handling things. One of the first things I did was dispose of her subq fluids, medications and related items. Kaci hated the meds and fluids and wouldn't want me holding on to them. I removed her water bowl and mat from the kitchen floor the first day and then wished I hadn't. I washed the blanket on the sofa in the den where she slept during her final days.
The litter box she used on that last morning is still sitting there, with her pee in it. I can't bring myself to dispose of it. I'm keeping the blanket that she laid on in her carrier on her final day and won't wash it. I want to smell her scent on the blanket . . .
There's a food collection drive at my local library. They're collecting human and pet foods. On Thursday I donated all of Kaci's left over canned cat food. Today I'll be donating the leftover baby food.
Her teepee bed and blanket bed/sleep sack remain where they are until I'm ready to give them away. Same for her cat tree. A friend of mine who has 3 cats and a bunny rabbit will be taking Kaci's cat tree, teepee and blanket beds, 2 ceramic water bowls, cat carrier and baby scale. I told her it will be a few weeks before I'm ready to give them away to her. I'm grateful they'll be put to good use and appreciated by her cats.
There are a few projects I'm working on. I've been copying her photos from the last 3 years onto a CD-R and will have them printed and then put them in a special album. It's both sad and comforting looking at her photos. Last year at this time, she looked so healthy and chubby. She even looked good in the photos taken last April, May and June. But looking at the photos taken of her in September and October is heartbreaking . . .
My grateful thanks to General Sterling Price & family for their generosity!
Thank you Big Harry and family for the lovely memorial pictures!
I want to especially thank those friends who have graciously and patiently leant a sympathetic "listening ear."
God Bless you!
Kaci's mom Teri
October 22nd 2013 11:07 am
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Kaci has joined her sister Miss Mittens at the Bridge. She made her journey around 12:45 pm today.
Kaci couldn't fight anymore. My sweet, precious little orange Pooh Bear girl's little body was worn out. She was tired and weary and very fatigued. She stopped eating on Sunday. Nothing I tried could get her to eat. She spent most of her time sleeping on the sofa, too tired to do anything. Even though she was very dehydrated, she wasn't absorbing the subq fluids. Yesterday and last night I noticed her sitting next to her water bowl, rubbing her head on it but seemingly unable to drink. This morning she sat next to her water bowl for a long time, with her head hanging down over it but not drinking. Then she hid under the sink in the laundry room for awhile and finally, she came back to sit down at her water bowl, again head hanging and not drinking. The she laid down next to the bowl. She looked sick and miserable and couldn't get comfortable. I knew it was time and called her vet. They had me bring her right in.
Kaci was calm on the way to the vet. She was calm and lethargic the whole time she was at the vet and never struggled. Kaci's vet was calm, unhurried and very compassionate. I was allowed to spend a very long time saying good bye to her, petting her and telling her how much I loved her. She didn't protest when the vet tech put the catheter on her (and she usually has a lot of very choice words for her!). Then I held her on my lap and petted her some more. She purred for me. She never struggled and was very calm. She was ready to go. The vet sedated her and I said my final goodbye and then she made her journey as I held her on my lap. She went very peacefully.
I know Miss Mittens was waiting to greet her and welcome her to the Bridge along with all her angel friends. She's at peace now and her little worn-out body is free. No more pain and suffering.
Kaci was the sunshine of my life and now my sunshine is gone. I'm totally devastated. Knowing she's no longer here is starting to really sink it as each hour goes by and the pain is awful. I literally feel physically sick and don't know how I'm going to bear it.
Thank you dear friends for all of your love, support, prayers, purrs and rosettes and gifts for my precious little Kaci. Words cannot express how much it means to me that you all cared for her so much. Thank you for loving my sweet little Kaci Sunshine.
with much love,
Kaci's mommy Teri
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