Hellooooo guys! How was your week? Mine was really hard because not only did I have a HUGE fashion disappointment at the Oscars, my daddy was in Florida (yes, USA) working fur a week!
I got very upset fur real — how dare he change my routine?
- Wake up at 6 a.m. (to make sure he goes to work on time) and get my morning massage.
- Wait by the door at lunchtime and get my noon massage.
- Wait by the door at 5:30 p.m. and get my afternoon massage.
- Dinner, play at my kitty condo with him, beFURe bed massage and sleep.
Talking about the Oscars, are you ready fur my Top 5 BEST and WORST dressed of 2013??
First, the good news: Some purrsons actually did a decent job, like Jennifer Lawrence in Dior. It looked too bridal fur me, but hey at least she WON an Oscar.
I also liked Jane Fonda A LOT in yellow Versace. I mean, she is like 110 years old and she took a fashion risk with the color and the retro-look dress.
Kerry Washington dressed in Miu Miu, or should I say MEOW MEOW because the coral dress was very cute. I only have one complaint: She needed more lipstick. Why would a girl want to make her lips smaller? Her lips are BEAUTIFUL! Kerry, girl, everypawdy PAYS to get lips like yours … sadly they end up looking like ducks if they are lucky!
But those ladies were not my FAVES. My favorites are, in no special order, the following:
1. Naomi Watts wearing Armani
Two words: FUTURISTIC GODDESS!
2. Sally Field in her red Valentino
Totally lovely, age-appropriate, nice accessories, and effortless hairdo. Girl, in red you look ALMOST as good as me.
3. Jennifer Garner in plum Gucci
OMG, I love the color and the ruffles in the back, She doesn’t need a big butt — she has RUFFLES! Bravo to Jennifer for being one of the few who used color — it looked great against her skin tone.
4. Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji
Octavia, you need to give Tadashi’s number to Adele and Melissa McCarthy FUR REALS! He knows how to dress a woman. He embraces the curves and his designs are flattering fur every girl. Fluffy girls look AMAZING on his designs.
5. Amy Adams in Oscar de la Renta
Even when I wasn’t WOWOW by the silver/grey/blueish color, I have to admit that the dress is fab. I just wished the color was different like emerald-green. Ufff, with Amy’s eyes it would have been a knockout.
Now the juicy names of the WORST dressed. Honestly, I found it hard to choose only five.
Seriously, what was Kelly Rowland thinking in that dress? Was she looking fur a pimp?
Kristen Stewart had that “I just woke up” hairdo and oops, she forgot to wear a bra. Seriously, you are 22 and your boobs should be UP. Wear a bra!
And who didn’t snooze with Jennifer Aniston? She didn’t look bad, but she is sooo boringly safe! Jennifer, you have a rocking body, pretty hair, and face — DO SOMETHING WITH THEM! Seriously, you are killing me, girl.
That being said, the WORST were (again in no particular order):
1. Anne Hathaway in Prada
Even PRADA makes mistakes. Oh, girl — you were an Oscar nominee FUR GOD’S SAKE. Luckily for you that dress didn’t influence the Academy decision and you won! ConCATulations, Anne, but I can’t stop feeling bad that you were wearing THAT on your most imPURRtant night of your career. Somebody at Prada needs to get fired, and also your stylist — SATIN, RACHEL ZOE? FUR REALS??
Also, Anne, you look too thin. Eat a taco, please! You look way more pretty with more skin.
2. Brandi Glanville wearing, well … herself!
First of all, Brandi, this was the OSCARS, not the Hoochie Momma Awards!
Second, I know your engineering ta-tas will keep that dress in place, but it was awfully uncomFURtable to watch.
Third, eat three dozen tacos and stop messing with your face. You used to look normal — now your cheekbones look like they want to escape from your face!
3. Melissa McCarthy in David Meister
Sigh! Just because you are fluffy you don’t have to wear drapes! You are such a cutie pie but you never nail the red carpet. Do yourself a favor and call Tadashi. Fur next time, accentuate the right places and the rest will make it flow!
4. Helen Hunt wearing H&M
Another satiny disaster. WTDP (Who the dog poop) had the idea that Satiny looks good on gowns? You just need to take a look at that fabric fur it to wrinkle!
I bet Helen ironed her dress, but as soon as she sat down the dress got all messed up and the red carpet lights just accentuated the mess.
5. Salma Hayek
Hay, Salmita! She married the best wardrobe in the world — and she chose to wear THAT?
Salma, you looked even shorter than you already are. Wearing a tiara was just tasteless, your hair was YUCK, and you also need a better makeup artist because this one makes you look tired!
In general, I’m soooo tired of discolored nude lipstick. Look, I’m not saying to wear hot red, but let’s put some color on, ladies!
I’m available fur fashion and make up advice on Skype fur a modest price, so stars, CALL ME and you’ll never be embarrassed again on the red carpet.
Last but not least, visit my website to meet Purrsians in need in your area.
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