Offbeat | Offbeat http://www.catster.com/offbeat Offbeat en-us Tue, 23 Sep 2014 13:00:00 -0700 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 13:00:00 -0700 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Orion <![CDATA[New Wave Bands of the '80s -- If Cats Were in Them]]> http://www.catster.com/molz/new-wave-bands-1980s-80s-cats-cat-humor We've often talked about songs about cats, and movies and cartoons about cats, all of which has essentially been a preamble leading to us wonder: What would happen if our favorite '80s new wave bands were led by cats? 

To put it another way, it made us wonder how many of the titles our favorite 1980s new wave bands we could reasonably fit the word "cat" into.

35 new wave bands if cats were in them

  1. Echo and the Bunnycats
  2. Tears for Cats
  3. Depeche Cats
  4. R.E.M.C.A.T.S.
  5. INXSCATS
  6. Wall of Catdoo
  7. Bananacata
  8. Talking Cats
  9. Pet Shop Cats
  10. A-ha? Cats!
  11. The C-52s
  12. Big Audio Dynacats
  13. The Boomtown Cats
  14. The Buzzcats
  15. Elvis Catstello
  16. Good Boy George and the Culture Cats 
  17. The Dream Acatemy
  18. The English Cats
  19. Catlondie
  20. Caturan Caturan
  21. Eurcathmics
  22. XTCATS
  23. Men Without Cats
  24. Cats at Work
  25. New Order: Cats!
  26. Joy Division: Cats!
  27. A Flock of Cats
  28. Gene Love Cats
  29. The Go-Cats
  30. Catness
  31. Scritti Catlitti
  32. Spandau Catlet
  33. Tom Tomcat Club
  34. Haircat One Hundred, or Haircut One Hundred Cats (You choose.) 
  35. Siouxsie and the Catsees

Additional list: 10 new wave bands containing a feline word other than "cat" 

See if you can spot them.

  1. Frankie Goes to Kitten Rescue in Los Angeles
  2. Meow Wow Wow
  3. Violent Felines
  4. Devo-nshire Rex
  5. The Psychedelic Purrs, or maybe the Psychedelic Furbabies? I don't know, it's not important. 
  6. Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Meow
  7. Kajagoogoomeowmeow
  8. Dexy's Midnight Ratters
  9. Simple Felines
  10. Oingo Meowngo

Disclosure: These aren't really all of our favorite '80s new wave bands, we just said they were. Also, the author notes your objection with calling some of these bands new wave, but hey. 

Stay tuned for our next article in the series, "'90s Bands if Cats Were in Them." 

The Cure, one of the new wave bands that did not make our list. 

Can you think of any other '80s new wave bands that you can fit the word "cat" into? Let us know in the comments. Note: Don't just consult a list of '80s new wave bands, like this one, and stick the word cat in there. There's an art to it. Please don't list any '90s bands.

Read more funny stuff:  

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Tue, 23 Sep 2014 13:00:00 -0700 /molz/new-wave-bands-1980s-80s-cats-cat-humor
<![CDATA[My Cats Have Five Distinct Purrs]]> http://www.catster.com/lifestyle/cat-behavior-facts-purr-adorable-cats-purring One of my favorite sounds in the whole world is a cat's happy purr. I know they also purr when they're under stress, but I'm referring to the joyful, blissed-out ones. I think purrs are magical vibrations of love and healing. Studies have proven that the vibrations of a cat's purr have been known to lower blood pressure and alleviate depression. Now that's good medicine! 

Purrs are good medicine.

I'm a fan of any kind of happy-kitty purr, and any medicinal benefit is just gravy on the turkey cutlets. My three cats produce a variety of purrs, and I adore each one them. Here are five of them:

1. The fast and furious purr

Is there a jet engine in my house?

In my house, Phoebe's the primary source of what I call the "fast and furious purr." It usually happens right after she's jumped on my lap and I begin scratching or rubbing her. It's like she can't purr fast enough -- it's almost a desperate sound. The purrs are loud, fast and they mean business! One of the reasons I enjoy this one is that she glances up at me from time to time with the look of pure love in her eyes. You know that look -- completely melt-worthy.

2. The barely there purr

It's his "easy listening" purr channel.

Cosmo offers the widest variety of purrs, and one of them is a soft, barely audible one. Sometimes I put my hand on his throat to make sure he's really purring. I love to lay my ear against his sleek, soft belly and listen to the gentle rumble. It's so soothing, and tells me he feels completely relaxed and happy. 

3. The purr-meow combo

What was that, Saffy?

All my cats do the purr-meow combo purr. It especially sounds funny when Phoebe does it while she's in the middle of one of her "fast and furious" sessions. They kitties don't stop the purr, yet they want to tell us something, so the sound that comes out of their mouths sounds like a gravelly meow. When Saffy does it, it makes her sound even more like an old lady. 

4. The "greeting" purr

"I sense a presence in the room. I must purr."

Saffy's the most subdued of our cats. She spends a good part of her day sleeping on the end of my bed, so I'm used to seeing her there. Sometimes when I walk into the room to retrieve something, I hear Saffy's rumble rev up to greet me. She can be dead asleep and sense my presence -- it's like she saying, "Hi, I'm glad to see you, but I'm not going to wake up, so here's my purr." Her "greeting" purr doesn't always happen in my bedroom. I remember once entering one of my kids' rooms and hearing the purr, but not seeing her anywhere. I knew she was in there, but she wasn't visible! I eventually found her under the bed, but I thought it was humorous that I heard her before I saw her.

5. The drooly purr

Cosmo needs a bib.

Oh, Cosmo. He's my special boy, and he also drools like a teething baby when he's purring. If he's sitting on my lap, I place a napkin or tissue underneath him so my pants don't get soaked. It may be weird that I say I love this type of purr, but it comes from Cosmo, so it's special. Plus, the drool means he loves me, and I'll take that any day!

What kind of purrs are your favorites? Tell us about them in the comments!

Let Catster make you laugh:

Read more by Angie Bailey:

About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food. 

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Mon, 22 Sep 2014 03:00:00 -0700 /lifestyle/cat-behavior-facts-purr-adorable-cats-purring
<![CDATA[Meet "Meow The Jewels," A Rap Album Made Up of Cat Sounds]]> http://www.catster.com/lifestyle/el-p-killer-mike-run-meow-the-jewels-cat-sounds-rap-album-kickstarter Are you ready for the world's inaugural hip-hop album recorded entirely from cat sounds and samples? Well, you might be in luck, as a Kickstarter has been launched in an attempt to get the artists EL-P and Killer Mike to release a cat-centric version of their upcoming Run The Jewels 2 project.

Image via Kickstarter

The backstory breaks down like this: As a prank, EL-P and Mike came up with a bunch of fanciful deluxe pre-order packages for their new album, which is to be released on October 27. One included the Meow The Jewels bundle, which promised that for the princely sum of $40,000 they would "re-record Run The Jewels 2 using nothing but cat sounds for music." (There's also a Self-Righteousness For Sale version on offer, which for a whopping $350,000 will have the duo "spend six months pretending to care about whatever you care about.")

Despite the high-end Run The Jewels 2 deluxe packages being launched as a jape, one plucky fan has called the group's bluff and set up a Kickstarter for the feline edition. Taking it good-naturedly, El and Mike agreed to re-record the album if the campaign becomes fully funded (and donate all proceeds to charities involving victims of police brutality and neglected animals).

The Meow The Jewels campaign is currently creeping up on $10,000. If you want to be part of this momentous movement, head over to the Kickstarter page now.

Learn more about your cat with Catster:

About Phillip Mlynar: The self-appointed world's foremost expert on rappers' cats. When not penning posts on rap music, he can be found building DIY cat towers for his adopted domestic shorthair, Mimosa, and collecting Le Creuset cookware (in red). He has also invented cat sushi, but it's not quite what you think it is.

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Fri, 19 Sep 2014 12:00:00 -0700 /lifestyle/el-p-killer-mike-run-meow-the-jewels-cat-sounds-rap-album-kickstarter
<![CDATA[6 Reasons Americans Like Cats More Than They Like Stocks]]> http://www.catster.com/lifestyle/cat-adoption-humor-americans-u-s-families-stocks-stock-market Last week, readers of financial magazines were shocked to find out that despite “the bull market on the stock exchange, which is more than 2,000 days old,” a lot more Americans own cats than own stock. That’s right: 14 percent of U.S. families own stocks, while 30 percent live with cats.

I’ve always been cynical about the stock market, and that feeling only grew after the market crash in 2008, from which the vast majority -- maybe even about, say, 99 percent -- of Americans never recovered, so I was pretty tickled by the cats vs. stocks news. Here are my thoughts about why Americans have chosen felines over mutual funds and IPOs.

1. Cats are easier to understand

Sure, a lot of people may think cats are inscrutable, but they’re not: They’re just very subtle in their communication. Stocks and high-roller finance, on the other hand? That crap just makes my eyes glaze over.

Abby is not impressed. Photo: JaneA Kelley

2. Cats won’t lose half of their value in one day

Unlike most investments we make in order to make our homes and lives more comfortable, cats remain consistent in their value, and in fact are much more likely to grow in value over time than your average mutual fund.

3. If the market is a living being, it’s a lot stupider than a cat

“The market” is pretty much a giant herd of lemmings rushing off the nearest cliff in response to artificially generated pain stimuli. Cats, on the other hand, would be the ones observing all these lemmings and snickering behind their paws at this foolishness.

4. Cats live in the present rather than worrying about the future

Have you noticed that a lot of people who own stocks, even if they’re just shares in a mutual fund, check the performance of the market on a daily basis and spend a lot of time worrying about it? Cats enjoy their days a moment at a time, and in doing so they relieve the stress of day-to-day life for their families.

5. Cats are funny; stocks, not so much

When my Bella starts running up and down her cat tree like a baboon on crack, I can’t help but laugh. The stock market, on the other hand, is not just un-funny but a launch pad to my darkest thoughts about ruthless money-hoarding billionaires. (Seriously, who needs that much money? Anyone who hoards cats the way some people hoard money would be in big trouble.)

Is that a monkey on crack? Nope, it's just Bella.

6. When is the last time you snuggled with a stock portfolio?

If your answer is anything other than "never," you may want to seek professional help. Stocks and bonds are not nearly as warm and fuzzy as a purring cat on your lap.

Do you have other ideas about why more American families own cats than own stocks? Share them in the comments.

Laugh with us:

About JaneA Kelley: Punk-rock cat mom, science nerd, animal shelter volunteer and all-around geek with a passion for bad puns, intelligent conversation, and role-play adventure games. She gratefully and gracefully accepts her status as chief cat slave for her family of feline bloggers, who have been writing their award-winning cat advice blog, Paws and Effect, since 2003.

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Thu, 18 Sep 2014 07:00:00 -0700 /lifestyle/cat-adoption-humor-americans-u-s-families-stocks-stock-market
<![CDATA[5 Weird Smells My Cats Are Crazy About]]> http://www.catster.com/lifestyle/weird-smells-cats Cats can be little weirdos, at least in the eyes of us humans. They are entertaining, though -- there's no doubt about that! I love watching the little things they do, especially when they don't know I've got my eyes on them. I always wonder what they're thinking, and what drives them to do certain things. I know a lot of it is because they're cats and it's instinctive, but I still like to imagine they're thinking human thoughts, because that's way more entertaining to me.

I love it when they totally get off on certain smells -- ones that I'd never care to whiff. Here are five of them:

1. Invisible spots on the carpet

Cosmo thinks it smells even better when he rolls around.

You know when cats start sniffing a certain spot on the carpet and then do that open-mouthed breathing? And you look and don't see a single thing? Of course there's something there that only they can sense, but it's funny watching them go nuts on what looks like an invisible spot. There was probably a cat butt sitting there earlier. Mmmm ... cat butt, my favorite. Let me roll around on you, my precious. 

2. My hair

Cosmo: "I wish she'd turn the other way so I could smell her hair -- and maybe chew it."

Cosmo likes to smell and chew on my hair, especially when it's wet. I can only assume he likes my hair product, or that he's grooming me. Sometimes I do need grooming, so it's probably a good thing he's jumping in there and doing something about it. I love hearing the sniffing sounds as he takes in the hair that's close to my ear. Maybe it's his way of telling me he wants to go to beauty school.

3. Wet swimsuits

Phoebe: "I know there are wet swimsuits behind that bathroom door. I can smell them from here."

They go nuts for the wet swimsuits, and I know it's the chlorine. If the suits are on the floor, they'll even roll around on them. Cats gettin' high on the chlorine. Post-swimming, it's like an opium den in my bathroom.

4. My breath

Saffy wishes I'd open my mouth so she could at least get a whiff of my breath.

Occasionally when I'm holding a cat, I'll breathe in their face and they lean in and curiously sniff. They're probably trying to piece together what I last ate. And I'll bet they're also kinda jealous if I ate something like chicken or tuna. They wish they could absorb the smells and enjoy the meal through me. You know, like the gum that Violet ate in Willy Wonka. I'd be the gum.

5. Shoes

Cosmo: "Let me introduce you to these shoes. They're my date for the evening."

Cats enjoy a nice stinky shoe, don't they? I've even seen photos of cats asleep with their face buried inside a well-worn shoe. I would never, ever place my nose anywhere near a smelly shoe, especially one from my 16-year-old son. Of course, his are the cats' favorite. Teenage-boy stink must be a delicacy. Phoebe will stick her head inside one of his shoes and breathe deeply. I have a feline version of Blue Velvet going on in my house. 

Do you cats love weird smells? Give us some examples in the comments!

Let Catster make you laugh:

Read more by Angie Bailey:

About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food. 

 

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Wed, 17 Sep 2014 09:00:00 -0700 /lifestyle/weird-smells-cats
<![CDATA[Drinking Water Sources for Cats, Ranked from Best to Absolute Worst]]> http://www.catster.com/molz/cat-humor-drinking-water-sources-ranked We all know cats like to drink from a variety of water sources, but have you ever wondered which water sources they prefer the most and which they prefer the least? We asked a sample of cats to rank water sources, and we got this.

Water sources, ranked, best to absolute worst:  

1. Water glass on nightstand

2. Waterfall

3. Bathtub faucet

4. Sink faucet

5. Burbling stream

6. Semi-burbling stream

7. Public fountain at outdoor Denver mall (evacuated)

No. 2 on our list, waterfall. Obviously these cats have never seen an actual waterfall. Waterfall by Shutterstock.

8. Leaky shower (fast leak)

9. Leaky shower (slow, steady leak)

10. Cat fountain (high flow)

11. Cat fountain (low flow, you cheapskate)

12. Cat fountain with turquoise decorative stones

13. Cat fountain with bits of yesterday's kibble floating in it

Kitty going to town on No. 3 on the list, sink faucet. Aren't you glad you're learning this? Cat drinking in bathroom by Shutterstock.

14. Stainless steel bowl

15. Ceramic bowl

16. Porcelain bowl

17. BPA-free plastic bowl

18. Frisbee "bowl"

19. 7-Eleven Slurpee "bowl"

20. Pottery Barn wide-mouth salad bowl

Note the flow. Our cats wanted you memorize this flow, as it is the optimal flow. Keep it on nights and mornings. Cat licks by Shutterstock.

21. Water droplets clinging to plastic shower curtain

22. Condensation on ice-cold soda can

23. Puddle below refrigerator on the fritz

24. Morning dew on forgotten Slip 'N Slide on the lawn

25. Arm sweat

26. Neck sweat

27. Leg sweat

28. Hair sweat

29. Baby pool

Refill daily. Cat drinking from pool by Shutterstock.

30. Lake Mead

31. Lake Havasu

32. Lake Titicaca

33. Land O' Lakes

34. The Lakers

35. Any lake, generally

36. Ponds

37. Fish tank

When this cat first started drinking, there were seven fish in that bowl. Cat with fish tank by Shutterstock.

38. Drip irrigation

39. Driveway puddles

40. White-water rapids

42. Toilet "bowl"

43. Residential sprinklers

44. Garden hose

45. Fire hose

46. Backed-up rain gutter

47. Rain, generally

48. Rain with thunder, especially

49. Grinding cat fountain with a quarter-inch of water 

50. Any bowl whatsoever (my cat)

You want me to drink out of this? Are you mad? Cat near bowl by Shutterstock.

What would your cat put on this list? Where does she like to drink the most? Do you ever find yourself turning on the bathtub faucet at 3 a.m. and wondering what on earth you are doing? Let us know in the comments. 

Read more funny stuff:  

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Tue, 16 Sep 2014 12:00:00 -0700 /molz/cat-humor-drinking-water-sources-ranked
<![CDATA[Let's Talk: What IS It with Cats and Cabinets?!]]> http://www.catster.com/lifestyle/cat-humor-cabinet-obsession Cats like secret places. They like to hide away where humans can't see them (or so they think) and enjoy some alone time. I often find my cats behind the sofa, under the bed, and tucked away inside the cave in their cat tree. I totally get it -- sometimes I like to sneak away like that, not answer the phone and let the solitude swallow me right up. I wish I could fit inside that cat-tree cave. It really is a sweet hiding spot.

Cosmo: "This looks relevant to my interests."

Cosmo has always been one to dash into open cabinets. He's my little nosy explorer and wants to know what's behind every door. And once he's inside, he wanders around a bit (if the space is big enough), and then just sits. That's it -- he just sits and looks around. Even if I close the door, he doesn't start meowing or pound on the door, wanting to escape. Nope. He just sits.

Cosmo: "Don't mind me, I'm just looking around. Hey, you're out of paper towels."

There have been a few times he's wandered in an open cabinet and I close it without knowing he was inside of it. Later, I opened it to see him sitting. And staring. He always catches me off guard and makes me laugh. Most of the time, he still seems to have no desire to leave his post, so I continue to check on him until he's decided his hideaway time has come to an end. 

Occasionally, he looks surprised when I open the door -- like I'm invading his private space. Like I shouldn't be grabbing a box of aluminum foil until he's vacated the space. I'll let you know when you can have the foil. OK, Captain Cabinet.

Cosmo: "May I help you?"

I can see why he likes to chill in cabinets that contain comfy contents like towels and linens. It's kind of a perfect getaway for a cat: dark, private and a built-in bed. I remember once reaching in for a towel and finding him lying atop the stack. I hated to move him, but I needed a towel. This resulted in a Jenga-like game wherein I attempted to pull a towel from underneath him without causing too much of a disturbance. It didn't work -- he quickly left the cabinet, evicted from his cushy cave. I think if he could have flipped me off he would have. I suppose the look on his face conveyed the same message. 

Cosmo: "Nothing to see here. Close the door and move along."

It's funny, the other two cats have no desire to hang out in cabinets. They might sniff around a little bit, but they don't want to enter. Phoebe did accidentally get stuck in the big cabinet we use as a food pantry. She immediately started pawing at the door and whining, like she was going to die if I didn't immediately release her. I'm sure Cosmo was around the corner, wishing it had been him who'd wandered inside the food cabinet. His eyes would burn with jealousy. It's not always easy being Captain Cabinet -- sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.    

Does your cat like hanging out in cabinets or closets? Tell us about it in the comments!

Let Catster make you laugh:

Read more by Angie Bailey:

About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food. 

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Tue, 16 Sep 2014 07:00:00 -0700 /lifestyle/cat-humor-cabinet-obsession
<![CDATA[6 "Jeopardy" Categories We'd Have If Cats Were Contestants]]> http://www.catster.com/molz/cat-humor-jeopardy I've always considered Jeopardy an intelligent person's game show. Really, to succeed and win big money, you have to be well-versed in a variety of subjects, including sports, opera and world geography. I could do well on a Jeopardy game whose categories were more like: "Cheesecakes of the World," "Cat Videos," and "Exercise Avoidance." 

Even cats have to study to be a contestant. Photo: Shutterstock

Cats are smart, right? If there were a feline Jeopardy show, I think there would be cats lined up around the corner, ready to audition. And competition would be fierce! Here are some of the categories that would appear on their board.

Cats are attracted to anything they can easily swat across the floor -- and the smoother the swat the better. 

Clue: It once was "top of the pops."

Response: What is a bottle cap?

That is correct.

Cat litter is an important subject to cats, and they know the ins and outs of the contents of their loo.

Clue: Once on a cob, now in your box.

Response: What is corn?

That is correct.

"Excuse me? You better check your sources because I'm right." Photo: Shutterstock

Kitties spend hours in front of windows watching the outdoor wildlife. Rodents are some of their favorite eye candy. Of course they'd ace this category.

Clue: Larger than a mouse, and rhymes with "splat."

Response: What is a rat? 

That is correct.

Boxes! Every contestant is pleased when they see this category pop up on the screen. They consider themselves experts in the subject, yet can sometimes get stumped with tricky questions.

Clue: This kind of box is a "supreme slice" of fun for cats.

Response: What is an empty Slice soda box?

I'm sorry, that is incorrect. Contestant No. 2?

Response: What is a pizza box?

That is correct.

"I like the categories about food." Photo: Shutterstock

Most cats agree that humans can be quite unfair at times -- in fact, they can be downright buzzkills. It's not that difficult for a cat to correctly answer the questions in this category.

Clue: Walk across the kitchen counter and pretend you're deaf.

Response: What cats do when humans tell them to get off the kitchen counter.

That is correct.

Every Jeopardy game of any type has a category called "Potpourri." It's always a surprise, which cats don't especially enjoy. Cats like to know what to expect, so they sometimes panic when this the only category left on the board. Seriously, the panic that sets in is known to produce some pretty wacky responses from contestants.

Clue: A pair of white pants.

Response: What is a rabies shot?

I'm sorry, that is incorrect. Contestant No. 2?

Clue: What is a chicken-flavored treat?

No, that is also incorrect. Contestant No. 3

Response: What is a dingleberry stuck to my bottom?

No, I'm sorry -- you have all missed this one. The correct answer is, "What is a nice thing to nap on?"

What kind of questions would your cats ace on a Jeopardy game for cats? Give us some examples in the comments!

Let Catster make you laugh:

Read more by Angie Bailey:

About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food. 

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Mon, 15 Sep 2014 03:00:00 -0700 /molz/cat-humor-jeopardy
<![CDATA[Help This Cat Get Into His Human's High School Yearbook!]]> http://www.catster.com/lifestyle/cat-yearbook-photo-controversy-mr-biggelsworth Draven Rodriguez is a 16-year-old student at Schenectady High School in New York who just so happens to love cats. So great is Draven's adoration for the feline form that he decided to pose for his yearbook senior photo with his cat, Mr. Bigglesworth. And some '80s-styled lasers in the background.

Here is the picture in all its tasteful retro glory:

Unfortunately, the hard task-masters at his school did not think the photo was fitting for such a decorous outlet as a yearbook. So Draven has launched an online petition in support of allowing the picture to make the cut. [Ed's note: So you, yes you, can help make this awesomeness happen.]

Talking to the New York Daily News, the school's district spokesperson, Karen Corona, suggested that a compromise might yet be made: "This photo won't be a senior portrait but it can be in another area [of the book].

"

While this high-profile power struggle resolves itself, enjoy this picture of Draven and Mr. B all snuggled up together.

About Phillip Mlynar: The self-appointed world's foremost expert on rappers' cats. When not penning posts on rap music, he can be found building DIY cat towers for his adopted domestic shorthair, Mimosa, and collecting Le Creuset cookware (in red). He has also invented cat sushi, but it's not quite what you think it is.

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Fri, 12 Sep 2014 11:30:00 -0700 /lifestyle/cat-yearbook-photo-controversy-mr-biggelsworth
<![CDATA[Caught on Video: Cats Who Wear Clothes -- And Hate It]]> http://www.catster.com/lifestyle/funny-cat-videos-cats-in-clothes-costume-hate-it Summer is nearly over, meaning it's time to bust out the hooded sweatshirts, pack away the flip-flops, and give up hope that the lantana on your porch is going to flower again. (Face it -- you killed it; better luck next year, I guess.) There's good news of course: Shedding season is in decline, so your kitty is growing in her thick, fluffy winter coat. This benefits you as much as your cat -- she'll be comfortable on cold mornings and you won't have to vacuum every other day.

Even though your kitty is warm enough on her own, it can be hard to resist the temptation to make her even warmer -- that is, to impulse-buy one of those adorable pet sweaters prominently displayed at places like PetSmart. There's nothing wrong with trying to get your kitty to pose in his power color while you take snapshots for Instagram, but be warned: As the cats in these videos prove, your plan might backfire.

1. Cat in sweater falls over

This kitty hates his holiday sweater so much that his legs stop working. I can relate: This is exactly what I used to do on chilly mornings when my mom told me it was 6:30 and I needed to get up or I'd be late for school.

2. Tigger hates his costume

The woman narrating this video starts out optimistically enough: "Hey Tigger, do you like your costume? Do you want to wear it for Christmas?" After Tigger gives the narrator a look that implies she'd be bleeding if he could move his legs, she becomes more realistic about the situation: "You look kinda mad. You hate it, huh?" Later that night, Tigger tried catnip for the first time.

3. Maxie does not want to go trick-or-treating

This video also begins with a sense of misguided optimism: "Who's a happy busy bee?" the narrator asks her brown tabby cat, who is dressed as a bee for Halloween. Kitty goes to great lengths to let his human know that this whole "trick-or-treating" thing is not gonna happen.

4. Tiny cat vs. giant sweatshirt

Instead of letting her human stuff her into a costume, this kitten took charge of her own destiny by trying to usurp her human's sweatshirt. Unfortunately, things did not go according to plan.

5. Cat in shark costume chases duck while riding a Roomba

Yes, you read that right. It sounds like an avant-garde art installation, but it's actually video footage of a cat who fears neither costumes nor vacuum cleaners. Please note that this cat was born under a double rainbow on a Leap Day.

Watch more cat videos:

Learn more about your cat with Catster:

About Angela: This not-crazy-at-all cat lady loves to lint-roll her favorite dress and go out dancing. She also frequents the gym, the vegan coffee joint, and the warm patch of sunlight on the living room floor. She enjoys a good cat rescue story about kindness and decency overcoming the odds, and she's an enthusiastic recipient of headbutts and purrs from her two cats, Bubba Lee Kinsey and Phoenix.

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Fri, 12 Sep 2014 11:00:00 -0700 /lifestyle/funny-cat-videos-cats-in-clothes-costume-hate-it
<![CDATA[Do You Find It Easier to Get Along With Cats Than With Humans?]]> http://www.catster.com/lifestyle/adopt-a-cat-behavior-relationships-cats-people-humans It may not be cool to admit this in some circles, but apparently some of us feel that cats are easier to get along with than humans. I have heard this several times from completely different people. Is this true? Once you adopt a cat, is it really easier to have relationships with cats than humans? Here's what I think:

1. Cats come with less stuff

Humans and our behavior are complicated. We have our filters, our experiences, our background, and our free will. It all shapes how we respond to things and how we get along with other humans. We can aspire to the highest human ideals, for example, but we often seem to bump up against our stuff when we interact with one another.

But when we interact with cats, we are interacting with an entirely different being. They are not human. There's a bond there that gives us so much. I know, for example, that when I've had it with the world, or if I've had an unpleasant or strange encounter with someone, that I can then have an entirely different kind of interaction with my cat.

What's not to love about Norton the kitten?

2. Cats give us unconditional love

Humans aren't always the best at unconditional love, but our animals sure do a great job of modeling it. Your cat doesn't care what you weigh, or if your clothes are new, or if you're making tons of money or very little. I think we humans need and thrive on this respite from the rest of the world. Who doesn't thrive on unconditional love?

3. Cats give us an opportunity to practice unconditional love

Even better, our cats teach us about unconditional love. I remember the time I first realized this. I had the flawed belief that I could not love anything, simply because it hadn't, to that point, been very well modeled in my life. When my first cat was ill and I threw myself into her care, I remember realizing and being surprised that I was giving unconditional love. Within my means, there was nothing I wouldn't have done for that cat. This was a huge relief. I felt a little more human because of this realization. Crazy as it sounds, it was very freeing to realize that yes, I was capable of unconditional love. These cats have taught me a great deal.

Constant cuteness -- more chances for unconditional love.

4. Our pets are dependent upon us

The fact that our cats depend on us for their needs is also something that certainly makes the relationship different than, say, a relationship we might have with a human. Because we must provide for and make decisions for our pets, it brings a unique dynamic to the relationship. It puts us in a caring, helping, and loving position. It's a huge responsibility we are entrusted with to make decisions for the care of our cats. It can be difficult and heartbreaking, but it's also something that can bring out the best in us. Maybe that's why it may be easier to relate to cats than some humans -- maybe the nature of this special relationship lays the groundwork for really special interactions.

The funny and sweet Jamie.

5. Cats help us become better humans

My relationship with my cats is just one way that I keep on learning patience, care for others, adaptability, letting go, and love. Of course, you could argue that we learn the same thing in human relationships. That is true. But there seems to be an ease of learning these things that comes in the relationship with an animal companion. Perhaps loving our feline companions is a safe way to learn to become or practice becoming a better human.

What do you think? Is it easier for you to relate to cats than humans? Why or why not? Let us know in the comments.

More by Catherine Holm:

About Catherine Holm: Told that she is funny but doesn’t know it, accused of being an unintentional con artist by her husband, quiet, with frequent unannounced bursts into dancing liveliness, Cat Holm loves writing about, working for, and living with cats. She is the author of The Great Purr (cat fantasy novel out June 1), the cat-themed memoir Driving with Cats: Ours for a Short Time, the creator of Ann Catanzaro cat fantasy story gift books, and the author of two short story collections. She loves to dance, be outside whenever possible, read, play with cats, make music, do and teach yoga, and write. Cat lives in the woods, which she loves as much as really dark chocolate, and gets regular inspiration shots along with her double espresso shots from the city. ]]>
Thu, 11 Sep 2014 11:00:00 -0700 /lifestyle/adopt-a-cat-behavior-relationships-cats-people-humans
<![CDATA[Just Some Videos of Cats Licking Their Owners' Hair]]> http://www.catster.com/lifestyle/funny-cat-videos-behavior-cats-licking-owners-humans-hair How did you spend your Labor Day holiday weekend? Last hurrah at the beach? Sweating it out snapping up bargains at the mall? Bingeing on an entire TV series on Netflix? If you were a cat, there's a large chance you were eschewing all of the above in lieu of the underrated joys of licking your human's hair.

Yes, this is a thing.

Not convinced? Let these tongue-happy stars of Instagram woo you with their human-hair-licking antics.

This is little Helen Yeller, a kitten rescued in a snowstorm and a recent Monday Miracle. Marvel at Ms. Yeller's fleetness of tongue!

Remember Jiji Bear, the tiny black kitten who found herself stuck on a Brooklyn rooftop? Well, before finding her forever home she was studying to become a feline hairdresser at the Scratching Pad foster home. She graduated with honors.

Double trouble! These two ginger tabbies love to team up and attack their owner's barnet with much gusto and lashings of saliva.

For modern bros who enjoy taking topless selfies, the cat salon stylist is the preferred way to prep yourself for the cellphone camera.

Sometimes the power of a a good kitty hair licking is enough to make a human start meowing.

Prepare to be flabbergasted at this Swedish twist on the classic cat hair licking. So very liberal!

Laugh with us:

About Phillip Mlynar: The self-appointed world's foremost expert on rappers' cats. When not penning posts on rap music, he can be found building DIY cat towers for his adopted domestic shorthair, Mimosa, and collecting Le Creuset cookware (in red). He has also invented cat sushi, but it's not quite what you think it is.

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Wed, 03 Sep 2014 10:00:00 -0700 /lifestyle/funny-cat-videos-behavior-cats-licking-owners-humans-hair
<![CDATA[My Cat Tells Me What to Wear: The Summer Edition]]> http://www.catster.com/lifestyle/cat-humor-fashion-pictures-photos-what-to-wear-summer-edition Last year, right here on Catster, I asked my cat Cosmo to choose my outfit. He made some interesting choices, although I don't think I would have worn the ensemble to Target or anything. But who am I to judge style? Maybe he's right in line with what's happening in the high fashion scene in Paris. 

Since his last creation involved fall and winter components, I thought I'd give him the opportunity to see what he could do with some summer selections. He was all too eager to oblige. Like before, I told him I wanted to maintain a little control, and he responded with a sassy smirk. Those creative types can be so snooty, you know. I provided him with three each of tops, bottoms, shoes and accessories, and his busy paws went straight to work.

Cosmo introduces all the selections.

The first three items included a breezy, green cotton-top, a stretchy gray tank top with tiny flowers on it, and my laser cats T-shirt. Cosmo wasted no time in making his selection. Color me surprised. Not really.

I think he's a little biased with this choice.

Next up were the bottoms. I showed him some very casual brown shorts I wear around the house, a cute little purple and gray skirt and some plain gray shorts. He took his time with this grouping, closely examining each one. He even asked me to bring the laser-cats shirt over so he could better visualize the possible outfits. After much contemplation, he went with the skirt.

Cosmo skirts the issue.

Shoes! I love summer shoes and laid out three of my favorite summer pairs. He immediately ruled out the striped flats, and then moved over to the open-toed numbers. I thought for sure he liked the cork-heeled, black slip-ons, but at the last minute, he decided on the cute red heels with the white polka-dots. I could tell he wasn't completely convinced he'd made the right choice. He wouldn't even look at the camera.

He chooses, but wonders if it's the right selection.

Lastly, I presented him with three accessories: some purple cat-eye sunglasses with white polka-dots, my cat ears and some plain, everyday sunglasses. I should have known he'd go for the cat-eye glasses and cat ears. Why wouldn't he? He liked them both so much that he insisted I wear both. I had to agree.

He can't decide between purple sunglasses or cat ears ... so both.

After he'd made his final decisions, I went into the "dressing room" and tried on the completed outfit. When I came out to model it, he nearly fell on the floor, in complete awe of his own artistic eye. I don't know that I'd ever piece together this particular outfit, but I suppose it could have been worse. I smiled and told him I thought he did a good job. Again, what do I know? He could be reading Vogue magazines all day. I'm just the human who fills his food dish.

Hmmm ... OK, but maybe he should keep his day job?

What kind of fashion choices would your cat make for you? Tell us about them in the comments!

Let Catster make you laugh:

Read more by Angie Bailey:

About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food. 

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Tue, 02 Sep 2014 07:00:00 -0700 /lifestyle/cat-humor-fashion-pictures-photos-what-to-wear-summer-edition
<![CDATA[What's a War Kitteh? It's a Geektastic Experiment That Turns a Cat Into a Wi-Fi Finder]]> http://www.catster.com/lifestyle/cat-war-kitteh-geektastic-experiment-wifi-finder-wardriving Do you remember hearing about the phenomenon of wardriving way back in the early 2000s? It’s the act of driving through a neighborhood and locating unsecured Wi-Fi hotspots.

Now, behold the concept of warcatting!

The War Kitteh herself: Coco was equipped with a specially modified GPS tracking and Wi-Fi sniffiing collar. Image: screen shot from PC Magazine video

To prove that there are still a ridiculous number of unsecured Wi-Fi access points, information security researcher Gene Bransfield deployed a War Kitteh. It all started when someone gave him a GPS-based pet tracking collar.

"Me being the guy I am, I thought, 'All you need now is a Wi-Fi sniffing device and you'd have a War Kitteh,'" Bransfield said in a DefCon presentation summary. "I laughed, and started working on it."

So he built a Wi-Fi snooping collar, put it on a relative’s cat, and sent the cat wandering around in his Washington, D.C., neighborhood. His goal: to see if the War Kitteh could find any unguarded or weakly secured wireless networks.

Of the 23 Wi-Fi signals the cat detected, a third of them were exposed, mostly because their owners were either using old routers with old security technology or they had never changed their router’s default settings.

What’s the big deal about that? Well, if you’re using Wi-Fi in your home, yours may be one of them. If the wardriver who happens to pick up on your Wi-Fi signal is just having fun, that’s one thing. But if that individual has more nefarious intentions like, say, using your insecure connection to get into your bank account and, say, order $5,000 worth of Krispy Kreme gift cards with your money ... that’s a problem.

War Kitteh was a light-hearted attempt to bring attention to a serious issue. The sad thing is that most ordinary people probably won’t hear about it because Bransfield gave his talk at DefCon, an Internet security conference.

Although it’s pretty unlikely that anybody’s going to send Wi-Fi sniffing cats into your neighborhood, be aware that if you use a wireless router, you need to be careful about its security settings. Here are some things you can do:

  • If you have an older wireless router, buy a new one with newer security protocol. Quality wireless routers are not very expensive and it’s worth the money to protect your data.
  • Use strong passwords to secure the connection. It takes a little bit of work to change the default password on a wireless router, but a web search or a tech-savvy friend should be able to help you with that.
  • Change the name of your router from the one it came with. That default name usually identifies the brand and model of the router, which will provide bad actors with a way to get info about hacking your router. This is a great chance for you to have some fun. I’ve seen wireless routers with names like Unmarked Police Car, Fast Turtle, and some that are ridiculously funny but not appropriate for a G-rated publication.
  • On the non-router end of things, change your passwords for email, financial websites, or any other site that contains sensitive information on a regular basis. I recommend at least every 90 days.

Don’t let a War Kitteh steal your bandwidth or your personal information. Keep yourself and your network protected. That way, you’ll be able to spend all day looking at cute cat photos while enjoying the peace of mind of knowing that your wireless network is safe.

Learn more about your cat with Catster:

About JaneA Kelley: Punk-rock cat mom, science nerd, animal shelter volunteer and all-around geek with a passion for bad puns, intelligent conversation, and role-play adventure games. She gratefully and gracefully accepts her status as chief cat slave for her family of feline bloggers, who have been writing their award-winning cat advice blog, Paws and Effect, since 2003.

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Wed, 20 Aug 2014 07:00:00 -0700 /lifestyle/cat-war-kitteh-geektastic-experiment-wifi-finder-wardriving
<![CDATA[We Chat With Owen Mundy About His Controversial Site, "I Know Where Your Cat Lives"]]> http://www.catster.com/lifestyle/owen-mundy-i-know-where-your-cat-pictures-photos-lives-map-website-interview Do you know where your cat is? Like, right now?

If you're like me, you probably need to know exactly where your cat is at all times of the day. When it comes to Mimosa, I call it cat coordinates -- is she sitting in the living room window, nestled under her favorite Scandinavian woolen blanket, or attempting to claim the new kitchen cart as a cat tower? It is always imperative to know.

Last month, the idea of mapping cats was elevated to a grander scale when Owen Mundy launched I Know Where Your Cat Lives, a website that uses 1 million images of felines on public image hosting websites and plots them around the world based on the images' metadata.

The website is a fun distraction if you just want to look at images of random cats -- or try to find your own feline. But as Owen, who specializes in studying the relationship between public space and data, told me when I spoke to him for an interview, there's also a more sinister undertone to the project: It raises issues of privacy and the way we often sign up to share information we perhaps don't want to. Consider this your primer on knowing precisely where your cat is.

What prompted the idea for I Know Where Your Cat Lives?

I was using Instagram to photograph my three-year-old, and one day I realized that the app had been recording and embedding the geographic coordinates in my backyard. I thought, "I don't recall being asked by the app if I wanted to share this data." It was a creepy experience that I wanted to translate in a way that was equal parts scary and fun, but technically harmless.

Why did you chose to base the project on cats?

Using photos of cats seemed like the best way to bring the issue, because they are so popular on the Internet and they are in a way surrogates for our kids.

How many of the cat photos have you actually seen yourself?

Thousands! My favorites are the ones where the cats seem to be hiding, which is a natural occurrence, but it takes on new meaning here.

Did you have any preconceptions about what you'd discover?

I seriously didn't expect to find so many cats.

What's the most surprising trend you've discovered since the site launched?

The only person who knows it's your cat is you and it's easy to remove your cat from the map -- you just increase your privacy settings on the photo-sharing website. It's so easy to get your cat off the map no one has complained. I think a lot of people appreciate how tangible it makes the privacy issue because of the creepy factor, while on the other hand it offers the data in such an enjoyable way that I've actually had many requests from people to add their cat to the map!

Do you have any theories about why there are more cats (or cat pictures) in California than New York?

The charts page shows a very specific data set. It’s not really good for determining the actual number of cats in a country or state. The data is only a sample of photos that are shared publicly, that are tagged "cat," contain geo-data, and don’t account for the population of geographic areas. So they’re really a measure of access and privacy expectations.

They show us developed economies where there is easy access to smartphones, [and where there is] enough wealth that people have the spare time to photograph and upload pictures of their pets. And it tells us somewhat about the importance of privacy (or not) to users in those areas.

So what's the main lesson you'd like people to gain from I Know Where Your Cat Lives?

The biggest goal I can imagine would be that this inspires people to take a bigger role in citizenship and voting and creative activity in everything.

Do you have any plans for any more cat-based projects in the future?

It's hard to say. It definitely will be an option though.

Read more about cats and tech:

Learn more about your cat with Catster:

About Phillip Mlynar: The self-appointed world's foremost expert on rappers' cats. When not penning posts on rap music, he can be found building DIY cat towers for his adopted domestic shorthair, Mimosa, and collecting Le Creuset cookware (in red). He has also invented cat sushi, but it's not quite what you think it is.

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Thu, 14 Aug 2014 07:00:00 -0700 /lifestyle/owen-mundy-i-know-where-your-cat-pictures-photos-lives-map-website-interview
<![CDATA[Texts From Mittens: The No-World-Cat-Day Edition]]> http://www.catster.com/molz/texts-from-mittens-the-world-cat-day-humor-behavior World Cat Day was last week, but no one notified Mittens. Now he's certain he's missed all kinds of presents, and he demands a make-up day. 

The atrocities continue as Mom refuses to provide a basket of warm laundry, and bathroom privacy doesn't seem to matter to anyone. And the icing on the cake? Drunk Patty dancing (again) in the window, disturbing Mittens' precious sleep and leaving unsavory visuals in her wake.

Mittens can't keep it inside ... so he texts.

"I want my World Cat Day presents."

"Wake me up next World Cat Day."

Stumpy celebrates everything.

Click here for the entire library of Mittens posts on Catster.

Click here for the Texts from Mittens site.

Click here to follow Mittens on Twitter. 

Click here for Mittens merchandise!

Let Catster make you laugh:

Read more by Angie Bailey:

About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food. 

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Wed, 13 Aug 2014 09:00:00 -0700 /molz/texts-from-mittens-the-world-cat-day-humor-behavior
<![CDATA[Coming Soon to TV: "Catnado"]]> http://www.catster.com/molz/sharknado-catnado-coming-soon-tv-cat-humor-funny-pictures-photos-screenplay It’s Shark Week, with a forecast of cloudy with a certainty of sharks -- seven glorious days of endless sharkumentaries. Last year the Syfy Channel launched its own charcharinid adventure with Sharknado, where sharks fall from the skies of Los Angeles. Sharknado was so well received by its television 5.3 million viewers, Syfy Channel unleashed a sequel, Sharknado 2: The Second One

The 10 biblical plagues have nothing on Sharknado, the product of a mating (if movies could mate, and on Syfy anything is possible) between Jaws and Twister. What’s not to love? Think Attack of the Killer Tomato Sharknadoes.

I live in Tornado Alley, so I have a fascination for severe weather, and who doesn’t love sharks? The idea of a freak weather system developing tornadoes that rain sharks is irresistible.

Lower your technical expectations. You couldn’t find an intelligent storyline in a Sharknado movie if you watched it through an electron microscope. Not that Syfy Channel movies have ever been hindered by logic or those pesky laws of physics. People who obsess on points of continuity or accuracy are advised to sit down with an adult beverage before viewing a Sharknado movie.

I love my new T-shirt -- it's perfect for Shark Week.

Any meteorologist will tell you a water spout doesn’t have the ability to draw a 60,000-pound mature whale shark or a three-ton great white out of the water, carry it for miles, and drop it unharmed on a Manhattan street so it can feed on pedestrians. A large shark ejected from hundreds of feet up would splat against the pavement like a sack of cherry Jell-O. So let’s check our brains at the door and simply climb aboard for the ride.

Catnado: Because of course.

Celebrities pepper Sharknado 2: Billy Ray Cyrus, Andy Dick, Subway spokesman Jared Fogel, Judd Hirsch as a taxi driver, Robert Klein, the Naked Cowboy, Kelly Osbourne, Rachel True, Robert Hays, Perez Hilton, Richard Kind, Matt Laurer, Al Roker, and Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan. All true Trekkies cheered when we watched Wil Wheaton consumed at the movie’s start.

The protagonist, a guy named Fin, uses chainsaws to kill the bloodthirsty sharks and detonates bombs inside the tornadoes to dissipate the storms, of course.

Rumor has it that Syfy Channel has already contracted for a third Sharknado movie. I think they should consider a different angle of the animal tornado disasters with a screenplay written by yours truly. You might to encourage Syfy to give me a call and we can talk about Catnado: A Natural Force for Good. My script might not embrace the laws of nature, but will at least give them a courteous nod.

Catnado is not as far a stretch as Sharknado. After all, there are catsharks and tiger sharks. Catsharks are bottom dwellers about the size of a domestic kitty with feline eyes. Both sharks and cats are efficient predators. There will be no dead cat bounce in Catnado, unless it is tied to a financial investment. Lucky cats can actually survive falls from heights, whereas in any other world besides a Syfy movie, sharks would splat into a nasty gelatinous blob of red and gray. 

So, what's the plot?

An Oklahoma farm town (the native habitat of free-roaming tornadoes) is overrun by mice and rats because the EPA has outlawed effective pesticides. People are getting sick from hanta virus. Two townspeople have already contracted bubonic plague. The crops are being eaten. The farmers pray for relief. 

Protagonist Catherine has just discovered a starving colony of feral cats next to a Captain D's. Days earlier someone had dumped a hoarder’s pets behind the restaurant. During a severe thunderstorm, a tornado sweeps up the feral cats and then blows through the nearby granaries. 

The kitty cyclone also hits a big cat sanctuary and whisks up a 400-pound Bengal tiger named Fred. Fred lands on his feet (of course) inside a bookstore where the Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan is autographing his latest bestseller. (Hey, I don’t have to explain how he got in the bookstore. This is the Syfy Channel.) Fred immediately consumes Millan but is subdued by Jackson Galaxy, who is ironically promoting his new book on the other side of the store. Jackson encourages the store manager to catify the place in the event of another catnado.

The feral cats eradicate the rats in the grain silo. The lonely children of the community put down their iPhones and develop feline friendships. A lonely old man adopts a stray calico and names her after his late wife. The last scene shows the town gangbanger, who was saved from flying debris by an old tomcat. He picks up old tom, hugs him and they both start life anew. Alley Cat Rescue sends vets to spay and neuter all of the kitties. A rainbow forms from one silo to the next. Happy ending for everyone but the rats.

Catnado will have its share of celebrity walk-ons: Pamela Anderson, Halle Berry, Julie Newmar, Michelle Pfeiffer, Anne Hathaway, Katy Perry, Jay Leno, Christopher Walken, Freddie Mercury (remember, physical laws are partially suspended), Christina Ricci, Neil Patrick Harris, Anthony Hopkins, Brigitte Bardot, Hillary Swank, Leonard Nimoy, Fred Willard, Taylor Swift, and Paris Hilton. And of course, we would have to kill Wil Wheaton. 

Catnado: A Natural Force for Good. Coming to a screen, sometime.

What would you add to my masterpiece? Let me know in the comments! 

Laugh with us:

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Wed, 13 Aug 2014 07:00:00 -0700 /molz/sharknado-catnado-coming-soon-tv-cat-humor-funny-pictures-photos-screenplay
<![CDATA[Millie the Daredevil Cat Goes Rock-Climbing with Her Human]]> http://www.catster.com/lifestyle/rock-climbing-cat-adoption-millie-daredevil-pictures-photos When avid traveler and rock climber Craig Armstrong settled down with his girlfriend, Julianne, last year, the couple adopted a kitten. They went to Furburbia, the adoption center for Friends of Animals Utah, and immediately fell in love with a little black fuzzball named Millie.

“We took Millie into a little room to be alone together,” Armstrong says. “She climbed up on my shoulders right away, and there was no question she was going home with us.”

When Craig Armstrong goes climbing with his cat, Millie, on top of his shoulders is her "safe place."

Little did Armstrong know he had just adopted his new climbing partner. By taking Millie with him on his adventures, Armstrong quickly learned that his cat was a natural.

“The first time I took her to a climbing spot (Joe's Valley), she got on top all kind of boulders,” Armstrong says. “The first time I took her to a climbing wall, she tried to get as high as she could. She just naturally loves climbing things.”

Craig Armstrong says his cat is a tenacious, daring climber.

Armstrong and his friend Zac, who also goes climbing with his rescue kitty, Kenneth, started planning cat-specific trips. This had the unintended consequence of changing the way they climbed for the better.

“The goal wasn't as much to climb as much as we can for ourselves, to get stronger and do harder routes; the goal was to get the kitties out in nature,” Armstrong says. “We had to put our human agenda away. We had to slow down, experience nature at a different pace, see nature from a different perspective. So ultimately having Millie has helped me slow my pace and opened my eyes to new ways of experiencing and seeing the world around me.”

Millie gets excited the night before a climb. She loves being out in nature.

Of course, taking Millie on climbs also means Armstrong is responsible for keeping her safe. On big routes, Armstrong attaches Mille to his harness, keeping her on belay. Wide-open desert spaces make Millie nervous, so she naturally walks alongside Armstrong without a leash. In the mountains and woods, however, Armstrong keeps her on a leash, since there is a lot that can pique her curiosity and prompt her to run off.

“I can't just not pay attention to her in the wild like people do with dogs,” Armstrong says. “I have to be vigilant and watch her at all times. She's too curious; she'll naturally just wander off and might get nabbed, so I have to protect.”

In wide-open spaces, Craig Armstrong will let Millie run off-leash, since it's easy to follow her.

Millie’s penchant for riding on Armstrong’s shoulders has also served her well while climbing. The kitty perches atop her human whenever she is tired or feels threatened.

“From the time she was a tiny kitten, I'd call her to climb up me and get on my shoulders,” Armstrong says. “It's now her safe place. If dogs or strangers or other animals come around, she'll seek my shoulders for safety. If she's too tired hiking somewhere, she'll want to climb up. I give her as much off-leash, off-shoulder time as she wants, but it's there if she needs it.”

Daredevil Millie loves to climb as high as she can.

Mille has climbed alongside Armstrong on routes everywhere from Ferguson Canyon to the West Slabs of Mt. Olympus, both in Utah. When Armstrong encounters other climbers, many seem surprised to see a man in the woods with his cat –- but nearly everyone is excited to see Millie, who Armstrong says is a playful, tenacious risk-taker when it comes to climbing.

“I've received a lot of ‘never seen that before’ when in remote places with Millie,” Armstrong says. “Had pictures taken more than once. People are generally positive and happy to see a kitty in nature.”

Millie has been riding on Craig Armstrong's shoulders since she was a kitten.

To anyone who would like to try hiking or climbing with their kitty, Armstrong recommends a slow introduction to the outdoors. The first place he took her was a small island in a pond in Liberty Park, where he guarded the bridge exit so she couldn’t run off. Wide-open spaces are also good for beginners; locally, Armstrong recommends Stansbury Island.

“It's wide open, and there's no thick growth or shrubbery really,” Armstrong says. “So if you just start hiking up one of the hills, your kitty will probably follow you. And if they don't follow and want to do their own thing, cool; it's so wide open, so they can't run away -- just follow them. Every trip I'm on, even if in deep woods when Millie's on-leash almost all the time, I make sure and give her plenty of off-leash time to do her own thing where I just follow her.”

Millie loves to climb, but Craig Armstrong knows it is his responsibility to keep her safe.

Most importantly, Armstrong stresses that while taking your cat into nature is a fun and exciting experience for everyone involved, it is up to you, as the human, to keep your kitty safe.

“I feel if you're taking your cat into nature that is awesome amazing and fun, but it's up to you to protect them and keep them safe,” Armstrong says. “So find ways to start slow.”

To see where Millie goes next (and for more great pictures), follow Armstrong on Instagram: @pechanga.

Read more on Millie:

More by Angela Lutz:

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About Angela: This not-crazy-at-all cat lady loves to lint-roll her favorite dress and go out dancing. She also frequents the gym, the vegan coffee joint, and the warm patch of sunlight on the living room floor. She enjoys a good cat rescue story about kindness and decency overcoming the odds, and she's an enthusiastic recipient of headbutts and purrs from her two cats, Bubba Lee Kinsey and Phoenix.

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Fri, 08 Aug 2014 11:00:00 -0700 /lifestyle/rock-climbing-cat-adoption-millie-daredevil-pictures-photos
<![CDATA[Dos and Don'ts for Taking Your Hipster Cat to San Francisco's First Caturday]]> http://www.catster.com/molz/hipster-cats-first-caturday-dolores-park-san-francisco Do you have a hipster cat? Do you live in San Francisco? Do you want to bring your cat to that city's No. 1 destination for hipster leisure time -- a giant sloped lawn, filled with hipsters staring suspiciously at one another -- to meet other cats? Are you crazy enough for that?  

That's the idea behind First Caturday @ Dolores Park, which encourages cat owners to bring their kitties to the famed grassy enclave tomorrow (Saturday, Aug. 2) for an outdoor, far-away-from-the-home, potentially life-scarring kitty meet-and-greet, for reasons not known to us at press time. 

Their only words of advice? "Be safe, use a leash."

Oh this? Just brought our couch to the park today, that's all.

We don't expect a big turnout -- so far, only the Bold Italic article "Bring Your Hipster Cat to Dolores Park on Sat" has crossed our desks -- but for any hipsters thinking of taking their sweet hipster cats to Caturday to mingle, we offer some advice.  

Dos and Don'ts for Hipster Cat Caturday 

Don't let your cat ride there on your velocipede. 

Do leave your cat at home. 

Don't let your cat wear a headband.

Do leave your cat at home. 

Don't paint your cat's claws orange.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat play records at the community turntable.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't paint a mustache on your cat.

Do leave your cat at home. 

Don't split a burrito with your cat.

Do leave your cat at home. 

Don't let your cat play your accordion. 

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat drink drip coffee.

Do leave your cat at home. 

Me? I'm just hula-hooping in public at age 27, that's all.

Don't put your cat in a harness made out of an old bicycle tire.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't affix a beard to your cat.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat smoke a cigarette.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat get a tattoo or piercing from the weird guy with all the tools. 

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't offer your cat a sip of what's in your brown paper bag. 

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't dance with your cat.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat whittle or do woodwork or weave on the community spindle.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat hang with some dogs while you try to find your friend Jim, who totally said he was coming. 

Do leave your cat at home. 

Of course, Hamilton the Hipster Cat can do anything he wants.

Don't point to the playground when your cat has to poop.

Do leave your cat at home. 

Don't pass out on the lawn at 1 p.m. like yesterday.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't put your cat in a bucket and call him Bucket Cat. 

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't listen to your cat when he asks about "vaping." 

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat write poetry on the community typewriter. 

Do leave your cat at home. 

Don't bring a giant raw halibut for your cat. 

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat stand in line for ice cream sandwiches.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat wear work boots and a scarf.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat wear novelty sunglasses from a gas station.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat listen to Neon Trees on your headphones. 

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't be surprised when you can't find your cat anywhere.

Do leave your cat at home.

So, to recap: Do leave your cat at home. Though some hipsters will not leave their cat at home, given that a Caturday in the park is a pretty tough hipster-y thing to pass up -- something they'll be able to tell their siblings' children about when they're old and living alone and trying to reconnect with family.  

So for those people, there's Daniel Quagliozzi, owner of Go, Cat, Go behavior consulting in San Francisco, who we have talked to before, twice. He's not organizing the event or officially part of the event, but when he heard about it, he knew he should be there, in case any kitties went off the rails.

He sent some words of advice to Caturday participants: 

It takes a certain "type" of bombproof cat to want to go outside of their homes, where they feel safe and secure. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of cats who like to go out on a leash ... but that's probably not your cat.  Ever wonder why homeless people have extremely mellow cats? That's because they're exposed to social stimulus every day. Their adaptability becomes conditional to their surroundings. Your cat will probably just flip their sh*t instead. Leave your cats at home, folks. Caturday in Dolores Park is a bad idea. But, if you do decide to go, I'm available to repair the damage done afterwards.

Thanks Daniel! Let's hope the damage is minor. 

Park photos via Mission Dolores Park's Facebook page

Laugh with us on Catster:

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Fri, 01 Aug 2014 09:00:00 -0700 /molz/hipster-cats-first-caturday-dolores-park-san-francisco
<![CDATA[How Would You React if Your Girl Cat Turned Out to Be a Boy Cat?]]> http://www.catster.com/kittens/cat-kitten-adoption-care-gender-boy-girl-react Imagine you brought your sweet little kitten home, gave her a girly name, bought her princess bowls and pink collars, made her a social media account -- and then, weeks later, found out your little she was a he. How would you break the news to the thousands of people now following your kitten on Instagram? That’s certainly a question for the hashtag age, and one my friend Tyler had to consider when his beloved Mia turned out to be Mr. Mia.

Mia at just 2 weeks old, before he came to live with his Poppa. Source: Instagram @fabulous_mr_mia

“[The vet] called and said ‘Ms. Mia is a Mr.’ She was a little embarrassed, because she had seen Mia once before and did not catch it at that time,” explains Tyler.

It’s really not uncommon at all for mistakes to be made when vets and pet parents are trying to establish the sex of a kitten, as the genital areas look pretty similar -- but it still wasn’t the phone call Mia’s poppa was expecting.

“Honestly, she was just caught up in what a ridiculously adorable kitten he was -- and he was so adorable. We cannot blame her and we weren’t mad or disappointed or anything.”

Baby Mia being adorable. Source: Instagram @fabulous_mr_mia

While they took it well, both Tyler and his girlfriend Mel were dumbfounded by the news.

“We flipped him over a few times to recheck his parts -- although I’m not sure what we were checking for since we clearly had no idea what we were looking at. After the initial shock wore off I was just like, ‘OK, you’re Poppa’s special boy now, not girl.’ I did what any poppa would -- continued loving him wholeheartedly regardless of what he was.”

Poppa and Mr. Mia throwing some mean face. Source: Instagram @fabulous_mr_mia

Mia’s Instagram followers also continued to profess love for the photogenic four month old, a registered seal point Exotic Shorthair.

“I was afraid he would lose followers, or that people would not like him as much anymore, but it had the opposite effect,” says Tyler. “Some of his followers even suggested we make the day we found out like a holiday for Mr. Mia. I thought that was amazing.”

I'm a boy? Source: Instagram @fabulous_mr_mia

Mia’s pet parents never considered changing his name, not even for a second. They say the name suits him, and finding the right moniker for this handsome little kitty was no easy task.

“We had been trying every name and nothing seemed right. It had to be just perfect for my (we thought at the time) special girl. Bianca, Penelope, Cloud, Chloe ... finally I said ‘Mia’ and it seemed so perfect. We asked him if that was his name and he let out the loudest, longest, cutest meow we had ever heard from him. At that point and it was settled. This was Mia.”

Mr. Mia waits for food to fill his princess dish. Source: Instagram @fabulous_mr_mia

A long-time admirer of Internet-famous exotics like the totally memeable Snoopy Baby, Tyler is still in awe of his little kitten, even though he’s not so little anymore.

This is cute regardless if he's a girl or boy. Source: Instagram @fabulous_mr_mia

“Sometimes it is still surreal to me that Mr. Mia is my special boy. I promise, it's impossible not to smile when he’s in the room.”

Have you ever made a mistake establishing the sex of your kitten? Would you change the name if you’d picked something especially girly or masculine? Tell us in the comments!

Learn how to live a better life with your cat on Catster:

About the author: Heather Marcoux is Ghost Cat’s mom. She is also a wife, writer and former TV journalist. Some of her friends have hidden her feed because of an excess of cat pictures. If you don’t mind cat pictures, you can follow her on Twitter; she also posts GIFs of her cat on Google +.

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Thu, 31 Jul 2014 11:00:00 -0700 /kittens/cat-kitten-adoption-care-gender-boy-girl-react