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Let’s Play “What It Is Vs. What My Cat Thinks It is”

My cat and I have different ideas about what things are, like a handheld power vac and friends who ring the doorbell.

Michael Leaverton  |  Sep 25th 2012


I think it’s a doorbell, while my cat thinks it’s a warhorn sounded by the hounds of Hell. One of us has to be wrong. I think my cat is wrong.

What it is:

Recently re-covered ottoman, which cost a lot of money.

What my cat thinks it is:

Recently re-covered thing to claw to death, and what is money?

What it is:

A nifty 2.1-pound device from Black and Decker.

What my cat thinks it is:

An end-of-the-world doomsday device dipped in poison and casually carried around the house by her owner (me), suddenly unmasked as the Deathbringer. (Only kills everything when switched on, however.)

What it is:

It’s a doorbell.

What my cat thinks it is:

A warhorn signaling her imminent death lest she make it under the bed in 2.3 seconds.

What it is:

A $10 scratching tray.

What my cat thinks it is:

$10 scratching tray PLUS an unexpectedly nice place to nap on all afternoon. I feel like the best gift giver in the world.

What it is:

Some sort of rodent that has taken up residence in the bushes.

What my cat thinks it is:

Apparently it’s a friend, since she refuses to make a proper go at it.

What it is:

It’s healthy new cat food.

What my cat thinks it is:

Hard to say. The cat won’t get within two feet of it.

What it is:

3 a.m.

What my cat thinks it is:

As good a time as any to wake everybody up for breakfast.

What it is:

A bowl of water.

What my cat thinks it is:

Completely unacceptable. You can turn on the faucet now, thanks.

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