Home » MOLz

Next on The Scoop:
Humor
Share this image

We Ask Stella the Cat if She Is Scared of Cucumbers

Videos of cucumbers terrifying cats are piling up on the Internet, so we asked a cat about it.

Michael Leaverton  |  Nov 17th 2015


Recently we’ve been deluged with videos of cats being scared out of their minds by cucumbers. Here’s one:

Why are cats so scared of cucumbers? We’re hard-pressed to say. Some humans don’t like cucumbers, but they don’t fall out of their chairs when they’re served one.

Cats, however, are terrified of cucumbers. With good reason? I asked my cat, Stella.

stella-sleep3.jpg

Stella having bad dream — about a cucumber? Could be.

Me: Stella, are you awake? I have a question. Are you scared of anything?

Stella: Of course not. I’m a cat.

What about … this? [Pulls out cucumber.] 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH —

Oh my God, Stella! 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH —

Stop screaming!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH —

I’m sorry!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH —

I’ll get rid of the cucumber! [Throws cucumber out window onto lawn.]

It’s still on our property!

Sorry! [Picks cucumber up off lawn and throws it into street.]

I can still see it!

Okay! [Picks cucumber up off street and stands there with it, thinking.]

NOW EAT IT.

What?

THE CUCUMBER.

Really?

Yup.

I have to eat this cucumber?

It’s the only way I’ll feel safe again.

It’s like a foot and a half long.

You better get to it then.

Can I cook it?

Not unless you want me to START SCREAMING AGAIN.

[Bites.]

Atta boy.

[Bites.]

I feel the fear billowing off me.

[Bites.]

Don’t forget that squishy spot — it really scares me.

[Bites.]

And now the stem.

[Bites.]

Look at that, I’m hardly even scared anymore.

Wow, I can’t believe I just ate a whole cucumber.

I’m positive you saved my life.

Aw, it was nothing.

Don’t sell yourself short. That was a dangerous-looking cucumber. You picked it up out of the gutter and ate it — for me.

So you really are scared of cucumbers, huh?

You bet. Look what I did to the back of your couch.

Oh my God!

Fear is a helluva thing, pal.

But why are cucumbers so scary?

To be honest, a cucumber simply resembles a number of things that will scare a cat, like a potato or a bratwurst or a house loafer. Or a sea slug. Or a sock. Or a cucumber.

Huh. You’re not really scared of cucumbers, are you?

Not in the slightest.

"Got any Halloween treats for me?" (Photo of Stella by Gina Cioli/i-5 Studio.)

I did that to your couch last night, to be honest. Photo of Stella by Gina Cioli/i-5 Studio

 Read more funny stuff on Catster: