Recently we’ve been deluged with videos of cats being scared out of their minds by cucumbers. Here’s one:
Why are cats so scared of cucumbers? We’re hard-pressed to say. Some humans don’t like cucumbers, but they don’t fall out of their chairs when they’re served one.
Cats, however, are terrified of cucumbers. With good reason? I asked my cat, Stella.
Me: Stella, are you awake? I have a question. Are you scared of anything?
Stella: Of course not. I’m a cat.
What about … this? [Pulls out cucumber.]
Oh my God, Stella!
I’ll get rid of the cucumber! [Throws cucumber out window onto lawn.]
It’s still on our property!
Sorry! [Picks cucumber up off lawn and throws it into street.]
I can still see it!
Okay! [Picks cucumber up off street and stands there with it, thinking.]
NOW EAT IT.
I have to eat this cucumber?
It’s the only way I’ll feel safe again.
It’s like a foot and a half long.
You better get to it then.
Can I cook it?
Not unless you want me to START SCREAMING AGAIN.
I feel the fear billowing off me.
Don’t forget that squishy spot — it really scares me.
And now the stem.
Look at that, I’m hardly even scared anymore.
Wow, I can’t believe I just ate a whole cucumber.
I’m positive you saved my life.
Aw, it was nothing.
Don’t sell yourself short. That was a dangerous-looking cucumber. You picked it up out of the gutter and ate it — for me.
So you really are scared of cucumbers, huh?
You bet. Look what I did to the back of your couch.
Oh my God!
Fear is a helluva thing, pal.
But why are cucumbers so scary?
To be honest, a cucumber simply resembles a number of things that will scare a cat, like a potato or a bratwurst or a house loafer. Or a sea slug. Or a sock. Or a cucumber.
Huh. You’re not really scared of cucumbers, are you?
Not in the slightest.
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