I don’t know what you use Twitter for, but I use it to have a laugh. Checking in every once in a while is a brief dip in a cool pool in the midst of a completely boring day of not laughing. I follow plenty of comedians, but no one makes me laugh like the cats of Twitter. Some are mysterious Internet cult figures, while some are based on real cats.
No matter what the origin story, these Twitter personalities are worth following for their funny looks into what a cat’s inner life might look like.
If you follow no other cats on the Internet, follow this one. This absurdist Siamese cat is a parody of Twitter’s infamous spam accounts and the amalgamation of the anonymous author’s six cats. With fewer than 14,000 followers, there’s still time to know about this weird cat before your friends find out.
Recent tweets: "Turns out you were genetically-engineered to be a banana" and "A blind date where a cat just shows up and you marry the cat."
Sockington the Cat is well-known in the Twitterverse, with nearly 1.5 million followers. He was a foster kitten in the care of Twitter-nerd Jason Scott, which is how it turned into a thing.
Socks has an obsession with tuna (obvs), his toys, and his doppelganger, Sockelganger, another adopted kitten who looks remarkably like Sockington. Sockelganger thinks Sockington is his father. It’s all very adorable.
Recent tweet: "ang ang ang WHAT’S THAT oh nothing ANG ANG ANG ang ang OKAY LOOK I HAVE IT ON REASONABLE AUTHORITY THIS PENCIL HAS CREAM INSIDE."
Are you a huge nerd? Oh, good. Well, I have the cat for you. If you’re on Twitter, you probably follow Wil Wheaton, so you can just go ahead and follow his cat, Watson, who began tweeting to raise money for charity earlier this summer.
Recent tweet: "So let me get this straight. Ensign Cheeto, despite not having thumbs, managed to open a container without assistance???"
Choupette is Karl Lagerfeld’s extremely lucky kitten with expensive tastes. It’s unclear whether the fashion designer is behind the Twitter account, but Lagerfeld DOES follow the cat on Twitter, so there could be a smidge of reality here. Why is it funny? Because it’s a cat. She doesn’t care if she’s eating Versace cat food or the generic stuff from Walmart ("le gasp! Shut your bouche!" says Lagerfeld at the mere mention of a discount store).
Recent tweet: "You’d have to use a lot more than a Nordstrom box to coerce me … possibly Chanel …" and "18 karat gold flakes in my nail polish? Don’t mind if I do!"
Every cat experiences a fair amount of ennui. Depressed Cat revels in it to a fantastic degree. In his bio, he says, "I’m not living any of my nine lives to a fulfilling level." He’s a little like SNL‘s Debbie Downer.
Recent tweets: "Thought I had a fish pie in the fridge for tea tonight but I just went to get it and I must have eaten it yesterday. Sigh" and "Can’t face today" and "I’ve spent the last hour rolling around on the floor dribbling. I feel wrong."
Not every cat can be a brilliant humorist. Sometimes you come across hacks. The jokes are no doubt taken from some terrible bad-jokes book, but there is something kind of thrilling about seeing that bad joke next to that silly-looking cat with those ridiculous goggles on.
Recent tweets: "Time flies when you’re throwing watches" and "Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It was tense."
The only account Bad Joke Cat follows? Anti-Joke Cat. So, I suppose the greatest joke is the fact that someone spends a few minutes each day providing Twitter with the yin and yang of comedy cats. Anti-Joke Cat’s deadpan seriousness is pretty funny.
Recent tweets: "How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You set an alarm for a reasonable hour" and "What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We are both lawyers."
Do you follow any hilarious cats, kittens, or humans pretending to be cats or kittens? Let us know in the comments!