Taylor Swift has been spotted carrying her cat, Olivia Benson, around town, causing us to wonder: Should we be carrying our cats around town? Are cats the new breathing accessory of the smart set? Is carrying dogs around town passe? Do cats even like being carried around town? Is Taylor Swift’s new album any damn good?
Rather than simply shout questions into the air for a few hours — which we could do, but still — we decided to ask our cat, Stella, if we could carry her around town.
So, Stella, Taylor Swift has been —
Stop right there. Taylor Swift?
Singer/songwriter? Shake it off? I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake —
I LOVE that song.
Really? Huh. Well, Taylor does this thing where she carries her cat around town, and I was wondering if you’d like to try it.
Taylor is going to carry me around town? Get my blue sweater! Where’s my bowl? I bet we go to Spagos.
No, I’m going to carry you around town.
Well, where would you carry me?
Oh, I don’t know. We could get a taco or something?
You want me to get a taco with you.
Maybe a hot dog.
Nah, it’s cool. I’m fine here.
How about we go shopping?
Gucci? Kate Spade? Godiva?
I was thinking the dollar store to buy a strainer.
I’m fine here.
Hey, I know! I could carry you in a fancy bag like Taylor does.
What kind of bag do you have?
I have a sack from Trader Joes.
I could carry you to a show?
The Palladium? The Ritz? The Bowl?
How about the docks to watch that guy who acts like a statue until you give him a —
Really, I’m fine here. I have my bowl, my food, it’s all right here. Go out, have a good time.
But I really want to carry you around town.
Go get your strainer.
How about a coffee?
You mean a cappuccino?
Can I lie on the counter and let the baristas praise me?
Deal. Go get your posse and meet me back here in ten. I need to groom my privates.
Your associates? Hangers-on? Underlings on the payroll?
How about Paul?
He doesn’t always wear suspenders.
Don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t think you have what it takes to carry a cat around town.
Come on! I’m cool. I could carry you.
Maybe try it with a dog first. One of those little guys. See how it feels. Hit me up again in the spring.
I just wanted to carry you around town.
Doesn’t everyone, man. Go get your strainer. I gotta sleep for a few dozen hours.
Swift photo via her Twitter.
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