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We Ask a Cat How He Plans to Celebrate St. Patrick's Day

If you believe cats don't celebrate St. Patrick's Day ... well, you're really not that far off.

Michael Leaverton  |  Mar 17th 2015


Today is St. Patrick’s Day, the day for doing St. Patrick’s Day things. We wondered: Do cats celebrate St. Patrick’s Day? We asked a cat how he intends to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.

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Is this celebrating? Are we celebrating? Via Shutterstock.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! How are you going to celebrate?

I have no idea. What do humans do on St. Patrick’s Day?

We eat corned beef and cabbage.

You eat corned beef and cabbage.

We eat corned beef and cabbage.

You corn beef …

I’m not sure “corn” is a verb. Wait, maybe it is. 

I’ll stick with my wet food, thanks.

There’s a lot more to the holiday than that.

OK, what else do humans do?

Well, people tend to, you know, drink beer.

Don’t they do that every day?

Yeah, but this day is special.

Why

Because they drink … more.

Oh.

Yeah.

There’s a holiday for that?

It would seem. 

What a fantastic country.

People seems to like it.

Can I have some beer?

No.

What else do you do?

Drink Irish whiskey? Sing? I don’t know. There’s a parade. 

You don’t seem to know that much about this.

Oh, there’s a saint, St. Patrick, who … uh … let’s see … 

Forget it. 

I can look him up.

It’s OK. 

It’s a great holiday, really. 

So why don’t you tell me how cats can celebrate?

Why don’t I dye your water green?

Because I would have to claw you. 

We could search for four-leaf clovers!

What am I, a kitten?

How about we sing Irish songs?

Your voice!

We could hunt for leprechauns?

Leprechauns! Now we’re talking. How many can we kill? What’s the limit? Are the internal organs toxic to cats? Where can I bury the remains? Don’t hold your tongue, man! 

Uh …

Do they have teeth? Can they manipulate weapons? What are their defensive capabilities? They don’t look very skilled in combat. We’ll probably need a base camp of some sort to store the bodies. Let’s work on some signals. If I meow twice, that means I’ve cornered one and I —

Leprechauns don’t exist!

You idiot. 

Sorry. It really is a nice holiday, though. 

Not for cats.

OK, fine. I’ll grill you a chicken breast and clean your litter box early today. How’s that?

Perfect. 

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, cat.

Shouldn’t you be turning the grill on?

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