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Dos and Don'ts for Taking Your Hipster Cat to San Francisco's First Caturday

People are asked to bring cats, on leashes, to the city's hipster HQ, Dolores Park. What the what?

 |  Aug 1st 2014  |   8 Contributions


Do you have a hipster cat? Do you live in San Francisco? Do you want to bring your cat to that city's No. 1 destination for hipster leisure time -- a giant sloped lawn, filled with hipsters staring suspiciously at one another -- to meet other cats? Are you crazy enough for that?  

That's the idea behind First Caturday @ Dolores Park, which encourages cat owners to bring their kitties to the famed grassy enclave tomorrow (Saturday, Aug. 2) for an outdoor, far-away-from-the-home, potentially life-scarring kitty meet-and-greet, for reasons not known to us at press time. 

Their only words of advice? "Be safe, use a leash."

Oh this? Just brought our couch to the park today, that's all.

We don't expect a big turnout -- so far, only the Bold Italic article "Bring Your Hipster Cat to Dolores Park on Sat" has crossed our desks -- but for any hipsters thinking of taking their sweet hipster cats to Caturday to mingle, we offer some advice.  

Dos and Don'ts for Hipster Cat Caturday 

Don't let your cat ride there on your velocipede. 

Do leave your cat at home. 

Don't let your cat wear a headband.

Do leave your cat at home. 

Don't paint your cat's claws orange.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat play records at the community turntable.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't paint a mustache on your cat.

Do leave your cat at home. 

Don't split a burrito with your cat.

Do leave your cat at home. 

Don't let your cat play your accordion. 

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat drink drip coffee.

Do leave your cat at home. 

Me? I'm just hula-hooping in public at age 27, that's all.

Don't put your cat in a harness made out of an old bicycle tire.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't affix a beard to your cat.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat smoke a cigarette.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat get a tattoo or piercing from the weird guy with all the tools. 

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't offer your cat a sip of what's in your brown paper bag. 

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't dance with your cat.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat whittle or do woodwork or weave on the community spindle.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat hang with some dogs while you try to find your friend Jim, who totally said he was coming. 

Do leave your cat at home. 

Of course, Hamilton the Hipster Cat can do anything he wants.

Don't point to the playground when your cat has to poop.

Do leave your cat at home. 

Don't pass out on the lawn at 1 p.m. like yesterday.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't put your cat in a bucket and call him Bucket Cat. 

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't listen to your cat when he asks about "vaping." 

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat write poetry on the community typewriter. 

Do leave your cat at home. 

Don't bring a giant raw halibut for your cat. 

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat stand in line for ice cream sandwiches.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat wear work boots and a scarf.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat wear novelty sunglasses from a gas station.

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't let your cat listen to Neon Trees on your headphones. 

Do leave your cat at home.

Don't be surprised when you can't find your cat anywhere.

Do leave your cat at home.

So, to recap: Do leave your cat at home. Though some hipsters will not leave their cat at home, given that a Caturday in the park is a pretty tough hipster-y thing to pass up -- something they'll be able to tell their siblings' children about when they're old and living alone and trying to reconnect with family.  

So for those people, there's Daniel Quagliozzi, owner of Go, Cat, Go behavior consulting in San Francisco, who we have talked to before, twice. He's not organizing the event or officially part of the event, but when he heard about it, he knew he should be there, in case any kitties went off the rails.

He sent some words of advice to Caturday participants: 

It takes a certain "type" of bombproof cat to want to go outside of their homes, where they feel safe and secure. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of cats who like to go out on a leash ... but that's probably not your cat.  Ever wonder why homeless people have extremely mellow cats? That's because they're exposed to social stimulus every day. Their adaptability becomes conditional to their surroundings. Your cat will probably just flip their sh*t instead. Leave your cats at home, folks. Caturday in Dolores Park is a bad idea. But, if you do decide to go, I'm available to repair the damage done afterwards.

Thanks Daniel! Let's hope the damage is minor. 

Park photos via Mission Dolores Park's Facebook page

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