In honor of Valentine’s Day, we scoured the stock-photo website Shutterstock for the weirdest pictures of Valentine’s Day cats. We knew the company had them. We weren’t disappointed.
I don’t trust this cat. Look at this cat. This cat probably knocked on the doors of all the apartments in your building before showing up at your door, looking like Skeet Ulrich after a lost weekend in Morocco. What cat shops at Zales, anyway? Don’t let him in. I don’t like the looks of this cat.
I love this picture. This is a great picture. Kudos to Shutterstock for featuring a cat in angel wings standing in a rainfall of hearts, stroking out. We might have finally found the antichrist, right here in Shutterstock’s Valentine’s Day database. A priest should probably see this picture.
Oh, how nice, you’ve come home from a long day to find your cat presenting you with a nice Valentine’s Day heart — only, he seems a little preoccupied with something over there, something over in the corner. Is he worried about something behind the drapes? Is something going on behind the drapes? Is there something he doesn’t want you to see behind the OH MY GOD WHAT DID YOU KILL?
This picture is a little racy. See that tail? That’s mid-flick. You’ve got a cat lying on your bed, naked, covered in rose petals, offering you chocolates, flicking his tail. This cat needs to keep his amorous overture confined to his own species, to be perfectly honest. Dunk some water on him and go sleep in the guest bedroom.
Here. Flowers. Satisfied? Holy cow, what a dumb holiday. I’d like my dinner now, thanks.
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