Sunday is National Lazy Day. If you are reading this while sacked out on the couch, that’s the spirit. Get a jump on the national day of doing nothing, which gets nowhere near the attention of some larger holidays, because, man, that sounds like a lot of work.

We ask you to cast your eye around your home — if you can do that without turning your head, all the better — and let your gaze fall upon your cat. Is she celebrating the holiday as you are? Do you have a lazy cat? Uh, sorry — don’t tax your brain trying to figure it out yourself. Take our quiz! Feel free to answer some, none, or all of the questions. Feel free to doze off. Feel free to let your eye rest on this sentence, here, for as long as you like. We’re going to head out to lunch early and then maybe head home.

Do You Have a Lazy Cat?

  • Is your cat sleeping?
  • If your cat is not sleeping, is she trying to get to sleep?
  • Is she asleep now?
  • If she is not asleep, is she deeply relaxing or otherwise splayed out?
  • Is she asleep now?
  • Does she respond to your entreaties to play by closing her eyes and falling asleep?
  • Does she react to you coming home from work by yawning?
  • When your cat yawns, do you find you are often impressed by the dimensions of the yawn and the size of her mouth?
  • Could you fit a baseball into her mouth when she yawns, because dayum that’s a big yawn?
  • Is your cat asleep now?
  • Has your cat moved in the past three hours?
  • Five hours?
  • Fifteen hours?
  • If your cat has moved, did she move, like, an inch?
  • Four inches?
  • A foot?
  • Do you sometimes crouch down next to your kitty and wonder whether she is breathing?
  • Because isn’t this like a 15-hour nap?
  • Who takes a 15-hour nap?
  • Does she ever seem to be about to get up and move around but then seems to change her mind and instead flops her head back down and sleeps for another full work day?
  • Have you ever watched a squirrel just waltz by your reclining cat in the backyard, easy as you please, because the cat and the squirrel know that nobody is getting chased on this property anytime soon?
  • Does your cat ever lie down next to her bowl, mid-dinner, because dayum all this chewing is hard?
  • Is she asleep now?
  • Is she asleep now?
  • How about now?
  • Does your cat celebrate finding a new sleeping spot by sleeping the sleep of the dead?
  • Does your cat often sleep until Tuesday?
  • Does your cat sleep standing up? Sitting down? Walking?
  • If you cat has fleas, does she just look at the fleas and sigh?
  • Does your cat clean herself with the diligence and care of a 12-year-old at sixth-grade camp?
  • Is she asleep now?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then yes! You have a lazy cat. You’re going to have the best National Lazy Day. Better gets some sleep to prepare.

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