Hello, friends! It’s Friday, and that means another Fanglish lesson. Underground cat-slang has been used for centuries by cats around the world. The terms, of course, have changed with the times, but one thing’s never changed: Humans are not allowed. That’s right — in case you didn’t know, Fanglish’s top-secret lingo is one of the ways cats like to think they’re smarter than we are. What they don’t know is that some of us humans are gleaning bits and pieces of the slang each week. I’m pretty sure cats are still a little smarter than we are … most of the time, anyway.
My feline informant is happy to share weekly Fanglish lessons with us lowly humans — in exchange for cat treats, of course. He’s one of those felines who holds no allegiance to his brethren when offered free food. That’s okay with us, because we get a backstage pass to learn some of what our cats do when we’re not watching.
So, are you ready for this week’s lesson, involving cats’ resting positions? I thought so. Let’s go!
A cat’s face resting in his food plate, which may or may not be full.
“Queen Fifi was known to faceplate after her evening meal.”
Curled up in a bathroom sink.
“Cloudy McGee wanted to play with Patches, but he was in-sink.”
Falling asleep and weaving back and forth while sitting in a basket.
“Maxine was so tired from playing with the laser pointer that she began basket weaving a few minutes after jumping into the laundry basket.”
The cocking of a resting cat’s ear as she hears a human address her and considers whether she might — or might not — respond.
“Frito showed an ear-might when The Man called him from the family room.”
A cat who’s tightly tucked in a “loaf” position and wearing a sarcastic facial expression.
“The Lady wanted Felix to play with the neighbor girl, but he was clearly a loaf of wry.”
A female cat who covers her face with her paw while sleeping or relaxing.
“MooMoo didn’t see The Lady walk into the room with a new catnip mouse because she was a cover girl.”
Lying one one’s back with the belly exposed.
“Hugo sometimes went belly-up when The Lady entered the room because he enjoyed tummy rubs.”
A cat who’s resting in a curled-up position.
“Mocha liked to be a curl relaxer while lying in her fancy new cat bed.”
A cat who’s unwinding with his face inside a human’s shoe.
“The Man looked for his loafers and saw Petie was a shoo-in”
A cat who’s stretching in an entertaining manner while in repose on his side.
“The Lady liked to watch Monkey, a total sideshow, after dinner each night.”
A cat who twists in various odd positions while lounging.
“The Lady wondered how Cookie, a gifted shapeshifter, could contort her body into the most unbelievable positions.”
Two or more cats lying together in a patch of sunlight.
“The beam shining through the bedroom provided the perfect sunny-and-share for Waldo and Cleopatra.”
Come back next week for a fresh list of Fanglish terms for you to file away in your mental vault. Remember, this is secret stuff — your cats can never know that you know, you know?
Do you have any terms to add to the Fanglish dictionary? Share them in the comments!
Read more by Angie Bailey:
About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (originated right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.