Sure, the kitties the stock-photo site Shutterstock chosen for its Valentine’s Day photos are cute, but what do we really know about them? Are they lovable? As lovable as Valentine’s Day? We take a hard, critical look at them, like someone evil sizing up a blind date from across the room.
You know what that heart-shaped box is thinking right now? “YEEOUCH! What the fluff, cat?” My hand knows exactly how that box feels. I know this cat. This is not a very lovable cat.
Lovability ranking: 3 (The claws are extended. For Valentine’s Day.)
First you gently nudged a candy box next to a sleeping cat, and then you sprinkled rose petals over him. He’s just woken up, and he’s not happy. Heed the eyes. Back away slowly.
Lovability ranking: 4 (Though we’ll bat this up to a 7 if he’ll let us nuzzle that belly before striking.)
You know, this cat is just checking these hearts for edibility. That’s not very lovable, but, to be honest, respect.
Lovability ranking: 10 (Never stop believing, cat.)
This is very lovable — but is it too lovable? Is it suspiciously lovable? WHAT’S YOUR GAME HERE, CATS?
Lovability ranking: 1 (NOT BUYING IT!)
Other than the fact that the this kitty looks like she’s contemplating the agony of existence, this is a pretty nice picture.
Lovability ranking: 8 (It’ll be a 10, once she puts down the Camus.)
Is kitty wearing a hat? Is that a scarf? Is she sort of cocked up in the cup, leaning against the edge like Brooke Astor waiting for a madeline at the Russian Tea Room? Damn, Shutterstock, how did you do this?
Lovability ranking: 10 (We wouldn’t be surprised if kitty could hold a conversation as well as a teacup.)
This has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day, of course, but did someone at Shuttershock just get a Pulitzer Prize for a cat nuzzling a 1,300-pound horse? SOMEONE JUST DID.
Lovability ranking: 10