We Decode the Facial Expressions of These 10 Cats
A look is worth a thousand words, right? When I was a kid, my mom would sometimes shoot me The Look when she meant business. You know the look I'm talking about -- the "You better knock it off right now if you ever want to see the light of day again" look, also known as the maternal lightsaber. That sucker would slice you right down the middle and make you wish you'd never opened your sassy teenage mouth.
Now I'm the mother of two teenagers and have wielded that saber a time or two. I suppose sassy mouths are in the genes.
Cats can also work a look. They don't even have to muster a mew -- we hear their messages loud and clear. Even though they sometimes think they're being slick, cats are an easy read. Here are 10 cat faces, translated with a bit of tongue-in-cheek.
1. Are you trying to starve me?
You've got to be kidding me. You need to refill this bowl. Pronto. Yes, I know it's nearly halfway full. Wait, make that halfway empty.
How can you expect me to eat what's left here? This food's been sitting here going stale for a good 30 minutes. What am I, a second-class citizen? I know -- you must be trying to starve me. Nice.
2. Please pass the eye bleach
I don't know what I just saw you two doing in your bed, but now I simply cannot unsee it. I've finally become (mostly) comfortable with watching your pasty nude body walking from the bathroom to the bedroom, but the craziness I just saw happening has likely scarred me for life. Also, you need a serious wax job.
3. I'm invisible
I'm watching you from my polyfill fortress. I observe you sitting on the sofa with your feet propped on the stool. I see your toes moving in your socks. I will descend upon those wiggly pigs when you least expect it. I am a fierce huntress and you shall fear me, for I am always on the prowl, even when you cannot see me.
Wait. Where are you going? Why have you taken my prey with you? I will wait right here until those toes return to their perch. Good -- you've returned with the pigs! What's that you're carrying? Is that a laundry basket full of warm clothes? I shall now move fortresses.
First of all, blue is totally not my color. And also, why? Am I supposed to be a shark or is my head sticking out of a shark's mouth? Either way, I want out of this aquatic catastrophe of a costume.
And if you think I'm going to appease you by looking at the camera, you're fishing for a fight.
5. Wake up
All right, it's time to drag your nappy butt off the sofa and focus on what's really important -- me. It must be time for food. Or at least some treats. And have you seen my kick-butt new wand toy? I can't play with that by myself.
Or how about you just wake up to hang out with me? And then I'll decide to fall asleep. What? I'm a cat. I need way more sleep than you do. Go ahead, wake up.
6. Was that a can opener?
I was busy watching squirrels, but then I heard that noise -- that magical metal-on-metal crunching sound that's music to my ears. What squirrels? I see you standing at the kitchen counter fussing with a can and can hardly contain myself. I love it when I get surprise food! What? You're making soup? For yourself? You have got to be kidding. Thanks for nothing.
7. I wasn't doing anything
I most certainly was not taking a drink from your water cup. Are you crazy, woman? Why would I want to drink from your water bowl when I have a perfectly gorgeous fountain in the kitchen? Why is my chin wet? It's not wet at all. It's my new gel. It gives me the "wet look." As you were.
8. You're done
I've just taken the liberty of modifying your schedule for the afternoon. You've seen plenty of Instagram, Pinterest, and Facebook. And I'm sick to death of watching you type hashtags. I added some "me" time to your schedule. By "me" I mean me and #notyou.
That turkey looks delicious. Have I ever mentioned how much I love turkey? Fowl of any kind works for me, but I especially enjoy turkey. Is that a thigh? You know what? I love dark meat a whole lot. And white meat. I just can't get enough turkey. That's a lot of meat on that thigh. Are you sure you can finish all of it? Think about it. I'll be right here.
10. Again with the camera?
You know if you keep holding that camera up to your eye, it will freeze there. Then you'll be sorry. Everyone will call you Camera Face. And the phone camera is no better. Don't you ever run out of space? You must have a gazillion photos of me on that thing. And how about giving me some privacy every so often? How about I take photos of you before you've had your precious coffee? How about that, Camera Face?
Do you recognize any of these cat faces? Tell us about it in the comments!
Read more funny posts by Angie Bailey