How to Host the Perfect Summer Party for Cats (Because Why the Heck Not?)
Last week we gave you tips for throwing a birthday party for your cat, which were ridiculous and fake, but totally correct. This week we're expanding the theme to include summertime parties. Next week, who knows? Fall parties? September parties? Oct. 3-to-18 parties?
Here are some tips for throwing a nice summertime party for your cat:
- First, decide where you'd like to have your summertime party for cats. The beach is always nice. Or you could rent a limo or a nightclub in Las Vegas. Europe?
- Often the best locations for a cat party are the most unexpected. How about the guest bathroom or the car or something? I got nothing.
- Once you decide on a location, send invitations. But keep in mind that you'll probabaly have to physically pick up each cat and bring him or her howling to your party.
- Don't be afraid to mix up the guest list a little to keep the party interesting. Invite a parrot. Wouldn't it be great to see a parrot at a cat party? I wonder what he would say to all these cats?
- You'll want to provide food, but why not make a game of it? My house is full of rats. Why not have the party at my house?
- Hey, here's a great idea for food: Ask all the cats to bring their favorite cat foods, then mix them all up in a bowl and serve communally. Won't that make dinnertime fun?
- You can also layer all the different foods parfait-style and serve in tall glasses (not recommended).
- Ask your guests if they would like anything special to drink at the party. Don't be surprised if the answers are water, water, water, water, and water.
- Of course, there will always be the one cat who wants milk. If this happens, sit the cat down and tell him in no uncertain terms everything you know about feline diarrhea.
- To make sure no neighborhood dogs come around to spoil the fun, install Dobermans at all points of entry and exit. You want your cats to be comfortable.
- Be sure to provide a spare room for all the cat caretakers to spend during the party. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, just throw a VHS of Maude in the garage and dim the lights.
- Hot tip: To find great games for cats to play at a summertime party, use a search engine like Google or Yahoo.
- Real talk: One time I spent hours making toys out of toilet paper rolls for my cat.
- It's wise to be prepared for emergencies by having a vet on hand. Make sure she wears full scrubs and has enough cat carriers to go around, so all the cats know they are in good hands and can relax.
- After the party has been going for a while and it's time to clip everyones nails, just -- oh, sorry, I wasn't supposed to mention that.
- If you think cats like laser lights, wait till you see 20 of them in a room with a disco ball.
- Music can make or break a cat summertime party. My cat loves "Wild Animal Sounds," available on iTunes. At least, I think she does. Wait, maybe she doesn't. I have to get back to you.
- Sugar Ray has been making music for cats since 1986. Twenty-seven years!
- "Every morning there's a halo hanging from the corner of my girlfriend's four-post bed / I know it's not mine but I'll see if I can use it for the weekend or a one-night stand." You see? (Cats.)
- One option for seating is to erect cat trees in all the corners and let the cats choose their trees and defend their territory. This does not really make a "fun" summertime party, however.
- Boxes are essential to any cat summertime party. I've found that my cat loves the boxes of size 11 shoes, so plan to buy 20 or 30 pairs of Toms.
- (I can hook you up with six or seven of them no problem.)
- The cats should let you know when it's time for the party to end. If you're bad at the reading cues of your feline friends, the smoke and approaching sirens should tip you off.
- As for the bathroom, one litter box for every six cats is an OK number if you're planning on moving within the month.
Some final dos and don'ts for throwing a nice summertime party for your cat
Do: Invite more cats than you expect to actually attend, like 300 to 400 more cats.
Don't: Serve drinks in those dainty punchbowl glasses.
Do: Consider any scratches you pick up to be heartfelt thank-you notes.
Don't: Interrupt staring contests among guests.
Do: Provide each cat with a goody bag full of fish guts upon leaving.
Don't: Seat the torties together.
Do: Invite any chickens in the neighborhood. Hey, one might come.
Don't: Go into this without decent health coverage.