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Cats and Fireworks: The 5 Stages of Grief

On the Fourth of July, cats enter the emotional wringer. Here's what it looks like to a cat.

 |  Jul 2nd 2013  |   6 Contributions


We're just a few days away from the Great Misery, at least for your cat. Despair. Suffering. Blackness. Fireworks. 

When the BOOM begins, your kitty will undergo a wrenching emotional journey there in the back of the closet, while you drink your beer and eat whatever is left on your friend's plate -- dill pickles? Hope you're happy. 

1. Denial

Cute baby kitten by Shutterstock.

What a nice -- BOOM! -- day. I feel -- BOOM! -- great. There's nothing the matter at -- BOOM! -- all, though I am having a little trouble trying to get to -- BOOM! -- sleep. 

2. Anger 

Cute gray kitten by Shutterstock.

Who authorized this? Why wasn't I consulted? You think you can drop a stunt like this on me without any warning? Think again, hot-shot. This ends NOW or you might as well throw the litter box in the trash because I'm crapping on your pillow for the next nine years. 

Don't try me. It's your social life. 

3. Bargaining

Cats are not fond of fireworks, so keep them indoors at holiday time. Cute gray kitten by Shutterstock.

Okay, I get it, I understand you are now insane and have to make loud booms. So how about you do just one more and call it a day? BOOM! Please? BOOM! Just one more? BOOM! Come on. BOOM! Just one more. BOOM! Please? BOOM! Just one more. BOOM! Just. BOOM! One. BOOM! More. BOOM! Please? BOOM! 

SCREW IT I'M PEEING ON YOUR WINTER COATS.

4. Depression

I can't eat, I can't sleep, I am trapped in a black pit of despair, wedged next to the suitcases in the hall closet that nobody ever goes in. It is so dark. 

Would it kill you to put light in here? 

Whoa, that was a big one, but I feel nothing. 

Well, not true, I felt that one in my pancreas. What's going on with fireworks? Maybe it's time to cool it on the fireworks technology, ya think? 

I'm depressed. I'm not really depressed. Cats don't get depressed. Let's move on. 

5. Acceptance 

Cute baby kitten by Shutterstock.

This is life. The boom boom boom. The bam bam bam. I can't go on. I'll go on. It's going to be okay. Life continues. There is still a soft pillow, there is still water trickling from the faucet, there is still a bowl of chicken, there is still blood to be drawn, there is -- BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM. 

[Pause]

BOOMITY BOOMITY BOOMITY BOOM ... pop.   

[Cheering, then quiet. The cat detaches her claws from the ceiling and falls to the floor.]

Excuse me? What's this? We're finished now? The fun is over? We're brushing our teeth? We're turning out the lights? Just like that? We're patting my head? The show is over? We're all just going to go to bed like good little boys and girls and dream of nice things? Is that what you think?

Oh no, my friend.

WE'RE JUST GETTING STARTED.

Crazed cat by Shutterstock.
 

{Yes yes, we know. Cats and fireworks is serious business. So on Thursday morning, we'll publish 5 Ways to Help Your Cat Survive the Fourth of July.}

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