Humor
Share this image

We Talk to a Cat About His Lousy Christmas Gift

For National Whiners Day, we found a cat who needed to vent about holiday disappointment

Michael Leaverton  |  Dec 26th 2014


Dec. 26 is known as National Whiners Day, and for good reason: I didn’t get a car! All I wanted was a car! Is it so hard to give someone a car for Christmas?

Our pets are no exception. They have the glums today as well; their whiny mews echo through darkened living rooms. We caught up with one ungrateful cat and asked him how he liked his Christmas gift.

Catster: What did you get for Christmas?

Cat: A new Kitty Kong filled with salmon paste.

That sounds nice.

I would have preferred just the salmon paste.

Surely you can appreciate the engagement of getting the salmon paste out of the Kitty Kong?

I would have preferred just the salmon paste.

But isn’t it nice getting a new Kitty Kong?

I prefer my old one. It was easier to get the salmon paste out.

What else did you get?

A cookie that tasted a little bit like tuna.

Did you like it?

It was OK.

Just OK?

I mean … did you see what they ate?

Who?

My cheap family!

Oh. Well, no, I was with my own family.

Man, you wouldn’t believe. Turkey, ham, a loin of some sort, gravy, rolls, mashed potatoes, the works.

Sounds wonderful.

I got a cookie that tasted a little bit like tuna.

I see.

I stole a turkey leg.

Oh.

And I jumped on the counter and ate mashed potatoes when they all went to the door to listen to caroling.

Really.

And I lapped up a lot of gravy out of the gravy boat and knocked the butter rolls off the table.

All this during caroling.

Then I got sick on the guest bed.

Ecch.

The five-year-old cousins were sleeping in it. I didn’t know.

That sounds horrible.

I would have preferred just the salmon paste.

Well, maybe next year.

What? I have to wait a whole year?

Perhaps your birthday then.

They gave me a sweater for my birthday.

Those are the breaks, kid.

Christmas sucks.

Don’t say that! I’m sure your family loves you very much and only gives you the best.

Have you ever had cookie that tasted a little bit like tuna?

No.

It was homemade. They couldn’t even buy one from a specialty shop.

So Christmas was a bust, huh?

I stashed the other turkey leg in the closet.

You shouldn’t be telling me this.

I took a bite out of the ham, too, during the caroling. They didn’t notice.

I’m going to head out now. Are you grateful for anything?

I’m grateful that when you put a turkey leg on the comforter in the closet for the night, then that comforter smells like turkey. I hope it always smells like turkey.

I didn’t hear that.

They could have just given me the salmon paste.

Laugh with us on Catster: