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8 Fortune Cookies For Cats

Cats are pretty fortunate, but they still might like a fortune cookie with a fun message.

 |  Apr 4th 2013  |   9 Contributions


One of my favorite parts of a meal at a Chinese restaurant is the crunchy fortune cookie placed on top of the bill. I've received some pretty great ones. Just a few weeks ago, my fortune was, "You will be a successful writer." How did the fortune cookie gods know I'm a writer? Must be magic.

I'm always a little miffed, though, when the little strip of paper tells me, "If you enjoyed this meal, buy one to go," or if it just gives me lucky numbers. What a sham! If I'm going to spend $8.75 on shrimp lo mein, I want a decent fortune ... or at least one I can add "in bed" to at the end for a few laughs. 

Cats don't have much trouble with luck. Golden Lucky Cat by Shutterstock

Cats are naturally fortunate beings. I mean, they didn't earn the whole "nine lives" badge for their constant runs of bad luck. I do think, however, they'd enjoy a nice fortune cookie once in a while. And after they read the message, they could chew on the paper.

Here are eight fortune cookie messages for cats:

1. Box fortune

"I can hardly wait!" Fortune Cookies by Shutterstock

It's good fortune for a cat every time a box enters the house. I don't know what it's like at your house, but when I receive a boxed delivery, all three of my cats immediately gather and begin examining it. Really -- it sometimes seems like they appear out of nowhere! I don't think I've ever met anyone nosier than a feline.

"Step aside -- the box inspector has arrived." Cat Examining Shipping Box by Flickr Creative Commons

They're not only nosy when a box arrives, they're on top of me when I'm engaged in any sort of on-the-floor project. This includes wrapping gifts, making crafts, and organizing anything. Their eyes watch my every move, and they're quick to always offer "help." My cats find a myriad of methods to "help" me unpack a box. Seriously, how could I do it without their cardboard- and tape-chewing as well as their thorough inside and outside inspection? I feel so fortunate.

2. Bug fortune

"Now that's some wisdom." Fortune Cookie by Shutterstock

Have you ever watched a cat completely focused on a bug trapped inside a light fixture? My cats will sit for what feels like hours, staring intently at the ceiling light or lampshade. They have way more patience with those bugs than the ones that scurry across the floor up the patio door. Maybe it's a bit of confusion or frustration over not being able to reach the little guys, but whatever it is, my cats are all over it. 

"Want." Cat Looking at Light by Flickr Creative Commons

3. Camera fortune

"Just like I always say." Fortune Cookie by Shutterstock

I try all the tricks, but sometimes my cats prefer to look away from the camera when I'm trying to capture that perfect shot. They hear me calling them, yet they casually gaze off in another direction. Occasionally they'll flash me an ear or tail twitch, just to let me know their avoidance is intentional. It's sort of a "screw you" to the photographer. I think cats get off on that sometimes. It's always fortunate to cats when they can show us they're undoubtedly in charge

"Not interested." Cat Looking Away by Flickr Creative Commons

4. Car ride fortune

"Can I send this one back?" Fortune Cookie by Shutterstock

My cats would rather do almost anything than take a 10-minute car ride to the vet's office. They may even negotiate decent behavior in an extended photo-taking session. My two girls howl nonstop for the duration of any and every ride in a vehicle. By the end of the short ride to their annual checkup, I'm ready to claw my way out of the car and ask the vet for a good sedative ... for me. "I love this fortune!," said no cat ever.

"This can be over now." Cat in Carrier by Flickr Creative Commons

5. Puzzle fortune

"My life is edgy -- just like the pieces." Fortune Cookie by Shutterstock

Have you ever been brave enough to attempt a jigsaw puzzle with a cat anywhere in general vicinity? Opening a puzzle or setting up a board game are personal invitations to kitties to join the fun. My cats walk across the game board, bat the playing pieces, and lie on top of the puzzle as it's being constructed. And if you're wondering where that missing corner piece is, look under the sofa, where kitty's probably swatted it. 

"I'm the biggest puzzle you know." Cat Lying on Puzzleby Flickr Creative Commons

6. Clothing fortune

"Crap." Fortune Cookie by Shutterstock

I know some cats who don't mind wearing clothing that's well-fitting, but most cats are adverse to any type of wardrobe item. The experience of wearing clothing typically falls somewhere between "behaving for photo sessions" and "car rides of death." And you know that crouchy, walking backward thing they do when modeling a holiday sweater or smart vest? There's nothing lucky about that. Yeah, this fortune is typically tossed in the litter box. 

"This is unfortunate." Cat in Christmas Sweater by Flickr Creative Commons

7. Water fortune

"I'm thirsty." Fortune Cookie by Shutterstock

Yes, our cats know they have a perfectly clean bowl of fresh water in the kitchen, but they've hit the jackpot when they can enjoy refreshing licks of bathtub water, toilet or window condensation, melted snow from a boot, or our personal water glass. Happening upon the exotic flavors of non-bowl hydration is like scoring triple-sevens on a Vegas slot machine -- lucky, indeed!

"Good luck is a good lick." Cat Licking Water in Tub by Flickr Creative Commons

8. Toy fortune

"I hope it's the catnip cigar." Fortune Cookie by Shutterstock

We recently lifted the sofa and uncovered a whole village of cat toys living under there. When we collected and placed them in the middle of the floor, the cats were elated. It reminded me of when I was a kid and my mom made me clean underneath my bed. I always found treasures that I hadn't thought of in forever. Pussycat prosperity fills the house when a cat is reunited with a favorite toy.

"Hello, old friend." Black Kitten Playing With Toy Mouse by Flickr Creative Commons

Let's hear from you, readers. What would your cat's fortune say? Tell us in the comments!

Read more humor posts by Angie Bailey:

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