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7 Selfies My Cats Would Take

Like human selfies, cats' smartphone photos would express things like "I'm such a dork!" and "Can you BELIEVE what I have to deal with?"

Angie Bailey  |  Mar 28th 2016


Most of us have probably taken our fair share of selfies. Why do we take these photos of ourselves? Based on my own experience, it’s because:

1. We look good and it’s a damn shame no one is around to take a photo of us, so we take the matter into our own hands. These can be sultry poses, or simply cute shots showing off a new hat. We usually take about 10 to 12 shots before we feel good about the “perfect one.”

2. We want to share an experience with friends, and selfies can have that spontaneous, fun vibe. These are times when we see something silly at a store and pose with it, or we want to capture some strange character standing behind us.

3. We’re in a group and there are plenty of people to take our photo, but it’s more fun to have our friends squeeze in, then the person with the longest arm snaps the pic. Someone’s head is usually cut off during the first take. Also, these kinds of group selfies tend to be blurry. We want people to know we’re having the best time ever, even if we’re kind of not.

Cats would take selfies for some of the same reasons. They’d want to share experience with cat friends, but they’d also use the photo ops to show their frustration for humans, who have all these ridiculous rules and sometimes make them wear embarrassing outfits.

Here are seven selfies my cats would take.

1. Badass

Nothing says "tough" like a purple sparkle-ball.

Nothing says “tough” like a purple sparkle-ball.

Cats think they’re total badasses and would want to show their friends just how fierce they can look. You know, like right after they receive a new purple sparkle-ball and they want to show off. Who wouldn’t want to show off a purple sparkle-ball? I totally get it, kitties.

“Check out my new ball. Badass, amiright? Come at me, bro! #beafraid”

2. Proof

No words.

“No words.”

Many cats despise wearing any sort of clothing, especially hats and wigs. They’d for sure take selfies to prove to their buddies just how bad they’ve got it. And of course, they’d want to look as miserable as possible in the photo.

“You think you look ridiculous in that bumblebee costume? Get a load of this garbage. Anybody suddenly hungry for a Wendy’s cheeseburger?”

3. Feeling frisky

"You like?"

“You like?”

Some humans like texting provocative selfies of themselves to others, so why wouldn’t cats flaunt their goods? Brave cats (usually high on the nip) would post these pics on social media or online dating sites. The next day they might regret their actions, although some would not.

“Hey, you. Just stretched out on a blanket and thinking about you. Wanna come over and clean my ears? My mites are all cleared up. #finally”

4. Screw the humans

"This is what I think about your rules."

“This is what I think about your rules.”

Cats would totally get off on revolting against human rules and then sharing their selfies with friends. Mentally flipping off their people is one of their favorite activities. Their friends would think these kinds of selfies are absolutely hysterical. Many times they’d go viral.

“Yeah, I’m on the kitchen counter. What of it? #stickittotheman”

5. Party boy

"Heeeey!"

“Heeeey!”

No collection of selfies would be complete without the obligatory “wasted and blurry” one. Cats would take these after feeling nice and stoned off some good catnip. Humans usually post these kinds of pics in the middle of the night … and they make about 10 posts of basically the same photo, with photobombs in many of them.

“Woooooo! Partying with Klaus and Jellybean! Who wants to come over? Bring snacks! Woooo!”

6. Embarrassment

"This is what happens when she doesn't get up right away to feed me."

“This is what happens when she doesn’t get up right away to feed me.”

By “embarrassment,” I mean embarrassing the humans in their lives. For example, they’d be quick to snap the most burry, low-light, unflattering selfie that includes us in the background … seconds after we’ve opened our eyes in the morning.

“See what I have to put up with? Not only do I get late breakfast, I have to wake up to this face. #poorme #acceptingcondolences”

7. Silly face

"LOLOLOLOL!"

“LOLOLOLOL!”

Often, people in selfies make faces and act silly. I think these are the best kind. Heck, most of us have probably posted some of these pics of ourselves to Facebook or Twitter. Silly selfies show we’re having fun and aren’t all that self-conscious about our looks. A lot of cats are on top of their grooming and like to think they look fantastic all the time, but there are some jokers out there who don’t mind wagging their tongue at the camera.

“D’oh! LOLOLOLOLOL!”