Mittens has shown us that cats can and do text. In his case, sometimes to the chagrin of his human. Mittens is a proper sort of fellow and doesn’t use abbreviations when his paws press the tiny keyboard. Some cats — especially kittens — prefer the shortcut kitty-code when they text their buddies. Just like humans use abbreviations like ROFL, BRB, and BTW, these felines have developed their own special lingo.
Here are 20 abbreviations texting cats would use, along with explanations and sample texts.
Some cats have a licker license that doesn’t ever expire. My Saffy constantly licks her bottom, mostly because she has long butt fur and it takes some extra time to clean the remnants after a visit to the litter loo.
Example: “Just pooped. LMAO!”
Some indoor cats have relationships with the outdoor set. The Romeo and Juliet of the feline scene might use this abbreviation when they set up clandestine midnight meetings at the window screen.
Example: “Hey, you handsome tabby — can’t wait to CUAS2N!”
Cats who just returned from the vet might use this abbreviation to let their friends know they need some down time. An accompanying shortcut would be SMN (Stole My Nuts).
Example: “Yo, JGN. Feeling groggy. Can’t believe they SMN.”
When humans go to sleep, cats have all sorts of opportunities to engage in naughty behavior. This text lets friends know good times are ahead. A similar shortcut would be HAW (Human Is at Work).
Example: “HAS! Heading to kitchen.”
Happy cats like to make biscuits. This shortcut is a way to let friends know they’re in a great mood.
Example: “Just had dinner! MB!”
Cats understand the important business of bird watching and totally get that you can’t possibly text and chatter at sweet-looking birds at the same time.
Example: “Human just filled feeder. WBBBL.”
Most cats can’t run away fast enough when the giant sucky-robot enters their space. Sometimes it calms their nerves to text friends during the whole traumatic vacuuming experience.
Example: “Freaked. Under bed HFV.”
In general, cats are known to act indifferently in most situations. And sarcasm? They invented it.
Example: “Oreo got a catnip cigar? DILLIGAC?”
Some cats are pigs and constantly go after everyone else’s food. As you can imagine, this is frustrating.
Example: “Went back for seconds, but F8MF!!”
You know how some human homes always have the best junk food? Some cats always have the most delicious treats. Others are always after some of that good stuff.
Example: “Got the post-nip munchies. YHT?”
Cats require lots of concentration when they’re crouched in pooping position. The last thing they want is some yo-yo trying to chat with them.
Example: “Dude! TTP!”
On rides to the vet, cats like to pass the time and avoid panic attacks by texting with friends. Because, you know, the ride to the vet feels like 10 hours each way to a cat.
Example: “TFC and getting the shakes. Hope they don’t SMN again.”
This is an alert one family cat night send to another after the humans have either gone to bed or left the premises.
Example: “Snowflake! FOC! Get up here!”
It’s no secret that cats love to sleep, so it’s highly possible they may fall asleep during a texting chat with a friend.
Example: “Ollie pooped where?? SIFA.”
This lets friends know you’ll be away from the phone for a few minutes. Those cats who choose to take their phones to the litter box run the risk of having to repeatedly reply with “TTP!”
Example: “Hold that thought. GHLB!”
Cats don’t want fleas and try to avoid any feline friend who’s known to be infected with the itchy little critters.
Example: “Maxine has FLZ?? I was just with her last night!”
This is the equivalent of the ’80s valley girl term, “Gag me with a spoon!”
Example: “Sassy has orange nail caps?? HAH!”
Cats especially like to text after they’ve been dipping in the nip. This is kind of like drunk dialing.
Example: “Sorry about the booty-call. I was TSON.”
Cats who’ve been texting but have never met might want to take their relationship to the next level. This is an appropriate message for just that.
Example: “It’s been a week now. WSB?”
Not much is more annoying than a dingleberry hitchhiker left over from the last litter box jaunt.
Example: “Ugh! Can you come over and help me with this SDB?”
What texting abbreviations would your cats use? Tell us about it in the comments!
About the Author: Angie Bailey is a weird girl with freckles and giant smile who wants everyone to be her friend. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, and thinking about cats doing people things. Wrote a ridiculous humor book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that may or may not offend people. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.
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