T.S. Eliot wisely observed:
The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter,
It isn’t just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first I’m as mad as a hatter
When I tell you, a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.
Of course, anyone who has a cat already knows this. Growing up we had a calico who was officially named Oracle, but was also known as Stinky Pinky, Paddy Paws, Popo Kitty, and Butt Crust (forgive us, we were children). Mostly of these nicknames referred to her hygiene, which was sorely lacking. Oracle lived a long, full life, and though she was not the smartest kitten in the basket, she was very sweet and affectionate, and purred softly even as she stepped quietly to the foot of the Rainbow Bridge.
So, without further ado, here are 10 cats I found on the Internet, now made better with my nicknames.
Reason: He is in a bus. A bus made of cardboard. Pure magic, am I right?
Reason: He is frolicking in Strawberry Fields forever, tripping on the ‘nip. If you call him, he will not pick up the phone.
Reason: Hint hint. (Wink wink.)
Nickname: The Dreamer
Reason: The Dreamer is nostalgic for her days of kittenhood. She meows, “When I was a kitten, things were simpler. I could fit into this box, for instance. Le sigh.”
Nicknames: Revenge and Spot
Reason: The spot you shall never get out of your carpet shall be the revenge you will receive for this indignity.
Nickname: Paul Simon
Reason: As long as he has that rock, he is an island.
Reason: As in you’re going to be vacuuming up pieces of paper forever.
Reason: It’s obvious.
Nickname: You &%#$ing Cat!
Reason: Do you see that look in her eyes? Yeah, you can imagine how a moment later her pupils dilated and she lunged for the bare tootsies wiggling in the deep pile carpeting.
Reason: No matter how much diet soda Ice Cream drank, he was always still too large to fit into his favorite box. Hey, don’t be upset, man. It’s genetics.
What are your cats’ nicknames? How did you come up with them? Let us know in the comments!