'Twas the Night Before Christmas: Catster Style!
But at Catster HQ, there arose such a clatter,
TR sprang from his desk to see what was the matter.
He ran to the window and looked through the fog,
And he mumbled in wonder, "Fur the love of dog!"
For the moonlight revealed thru the fog's gentle glow
A brilliant green blimp with the Catster logo.
It circled the block and set down on the street --
Expertly maneuvered at Ted Rheingold's feet.
TR squinted to see who was at the controls --
'Twas an elfin albino with ears like a troll's.
"Could it be?" he was wondering, when doubt was erased:
Skeezix shouted, "Hop in Ted! We've no time to waste!"
"We're gonna spread cheer on this Christmas Eve night,
And we won't come back home till the dawn's early light.
I hope you like eggnog; I've stocked up the bar,
And this baby's got turbo: we'll fly pretty far!"
TR stopped for a moment to tweet all his plans,
Then he jumped in the front seat and shook Skeezy's hand.
Skeezix gave him a green hat and t-neck to wear
And watched as he dressed without messing his hair.
Skeezix said, "We'll give presents to all of our members,
But be careful with chimneys: remember the embers.
Cuz unless you have panties that won't catch on fire
The front door's a much safer entry by far."
So the green Catster blimp stopped at every cat's house,
Each got zealies or catnip or even a mouse.
They stopped at the shelters and brought those cats cheer --
In the form of 9Lives and some catnip reindeer.
They fed all the ferals, and preached about neutering
Although most alley cats don't care much for that tutoring.
They had scant little time, and they had to be quick,
Skeezix pressed on the turbo and shifted the stick.
They stopped in Long Island to reprimand Jeter
For staying outside in the snow with no heater.
"Joba's hoo hahs are gone; there's no need to rebel
Git yer booty back home -- yer mom's worried like hell!*"
Once they hit the East Coast they flew over the pond
To see all the Brit cats, and French, and beyond.
They headed toward daybreak, to Chad and Taiwan
And to Sidney and Christchurch -- they flew on and on.
Catster Blimp tracking courtesy of NORAD
It was long into Christmas when their work was complete.
Skeezix pulled up to HQ and parked on the street.
"Thank you, boss," he said warmly, "for inventing the site,
That makes cats worldwide happy -- adios and good night!"
* Yes, this is a werd on my bad werd list, but it was the only one I could find that rimed, and Jeter's mom reelly is werried like H-E-double hockey stiks.