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7 Reasons My Cats Cast Curses Upon Me

I know my cats love me, but sometimes it seems they want a voodoo doll that looks like me.

 |  Sep 20th 2013  |   9 Contributions


I adore my cats and they love me to pieces -- I know that for a fact. When I'm sitting still for any length of time, one of them is sure to curl up in my lap. They follow me around the house, even into the bathroom. Sometimes they gaze at me with such a loving look that I'm fairly certain my heart will burst. That being said, occasionally they wish they had a voodoo doll that looks like me ... and lots of pins. Cat-safe ones, of course. Hey, it's my imagination and I can pretend there's such a thing!

Here are seven instances in which my cats cast kitty-curses upon their loving mother.

1. "But what about me?"

Saffy: "Your bladder can wait. My stomach will not."

When I arrive home from being gone any length of time, they feel like they need 100 percent of my attention. Of course I speak to them and pet them, but they want more. They want food -- no matter the time of day. Also, they want to weave around my legs and trip me as I make my way to the kitchen table to drop off my purse. They want snuggles. They want, they want, they want! Sometimes I can immediately oblige, but let me tell you the story of my small bladder.

Usually, when I walk through the front door, I need to visit the facilities, and sometimes the call is urgent -- like code-red urgent. I make a dash to the restroom while my cats look at me with confusion and irritation. "No. It's about us. Start wearing adult diapers or something."

Also, I tend to get "hangry" (an unfortunate combination of hungry and angry) when I haven't eaten in a few hours. I usually have a snack in my purse, but sometimes I forget. Can you imagine the eye-daggers I get while I'm preparing food for me? Silly question -- of course you do.

2. No access!

Phoebe is confused by the lack of access to all areas.

Cats feel like they should have an all-access pass to every part of the house. Sometimes closed doors prevent passage and cats are quick to share their feelings of disapproval, especially if there's a human on the other side of the door. Phoebe loves to hang out in my daughter's room, but when my daughter and I are sewing or crafting, we don't allow the cat to enter the space. Why? Phoebe is a thief and likes to race off with tape, thread, ribbons, or anything small and crafty. As you know, this is no good. Phoebe disagrees and paces angrily outside the door, meowing like she's going to die.

3. Disturbing the peace

This may quickly escalate to an angry snuggle.

When my cats are sleeping, they look so cute and snuggly! Sometimes I can't resist petting and loving on them. Sometimes, they're OK with that, but other times it annoys them to no end. I'm pretty sure I've seen a feline eye-roll or two. Whatever, kitties. How often do they wake me up when I'm trying to get some shut-eye?

4. No drink for you!

Once again, Phoebe is denied access.

Phoebe likes to tip cups, which is why I try to keep most of my beverages in containers with lids on them. This ticks her off big time, resulting in dirty looks and the cold shoulder.

5. "But I want to sit there!"

Cosmo is on the lap. Phoebe on the outs.

My lap is only so big. While I'm working during the day, I typically have Cosmo or Phoebe cuddled up on my lap. Sometimes one will come calling when the other is occupying the prime real estate. They'll see the other cat's presence and look confused. And then they'll start pouting. I'm serious! Have you ever seen a cat pout? Happens every day at my house.

6. Displacement

Cosmo: "Kindly unhand me, you cretin!"

Cats are Good Time Charlies who are always looking for something that might tickle their fancies. Sometimes this pursuit lands them in no-no spots. In our house, those are the kitchen counter, dining room table and bedroom dressers. They are not particularly fond of the displacement and will probably respond with a heaping dose of stink-eye. 

Why do your cats give you the stink-eye and cold shoulder? Tell us about it in the comments!

About the Author: Angie Bailey is a goofy girl with freckles and giant smile who wants everyone to be her friend. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, and thinking about cats doing people things. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that may or may not offend people. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

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