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5 Phrases That Sound Naughty When Talking About Cats

Choose your words carefully when talking about your pussy -- someone could get the wrong idea.

Barbarella Buchner  |  Oct 30th 2014


Let’s face it, we just love to talk about our cats, the same way “normal” folk like to talk about their kids. And sometimes, either intentionally or jokingly — or by sheer accident — we come out with something that sounds so ambiguously dirty, it makes people chuckle and look at us strangely.

Here are five phrases we cat lovers sometimes use in conversation, often with hilarious consequences:

1. I want to show you pictures of my pussy

For girls, this is the definitive conversation stopper at the pub, parties, and family gatherings, or when you’ve just met a really nice guy that you wish to impress. For guys, it’s a way to draw the attention of all your mates (warning: you will probably end up forever being ridiculed as being a big softie!).

2. She likes to play with herself

Cats love playing, whether it’s with a toy that has a human attached to it or by themselves. Kitties can play with seemingly nothing at all; for example, bed covers. In the context of a conversation about our cats, this phrase is, of course, perfectly innocent, but to someone walking in and hearing it out of context, there will most likely be a raised eyebrow.

3. My cat has a purr-on

This is a phrase that I made up to describe the extreme “purritude” a cat goes into while being “pleasured.” Watch the video above of my girl Ruby having a purr-on.

4. I love stroking my pussy

We all love stroking our pussies! Mind you, these days the actual word “pussy” or “pussycat” is usually only used by older generations — my granny used to say it all the time when referring to cats. Younger generations often giggle at and use the word in a silly and rude way when talking about kitties.

If you wish to take things a step further in regards to stroking your pussy, I recommend a little book by Margaret Woodhouse called Know Your Cat’s Purr Points. This will teach you all the various ways of how to pleasure your cat. Techniques such as the Knuckle Duster, the Full Fluff, and the Flamenco Guitar will send your cat’s purr-o-meter off the scale, and you will absolutely adore all the cute little illustrations that go with each technique. Get it here on Amazon.

5. She loves to be on top

Cats love a high lookout place from which they can survey their whole territory, so getting the top spot is very important to them. Perching on top of a human, of course, has a different meaning — it means that your cat totally owns you! One of my brood, Lugosi, always gets on top of me first thing in the morning, demanding his breakfast with purrs, meows, and kneading paws, and plonking his whole weight of 14.5 pounds onto my chest and stomach.

Do you have any dirty or funny sounding phrases that you use when talking about your cat? Let’s hear them in the comments.

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About the Author: Barbarella Buchner — Ailurophile. Geeky Goth Girl. Ex-Musician Singer/Songwriter. Photographer. Web Designer. Fibromyalgia + RA Sufferer. And totally mad! She originally hails from Hannover (Germany), then moved to London, and since 2004 has lived on the tropical island of Lanzarote, together with her tabby twins Lugosi & Spider, and ginger queen Ruby Akasha. Apart from being an avid hobby — and sometimes even paid! — photographer, she works as a freelance web and graphic designer and occasional Catster contributor. She designed and maintains her local cat charity 9 Lives Lanzarotes website.