Welcome to another edition of cat names, in which we look at one of the innumerable popular cat-name lists released every year by insurance companies and pet websites and express shock and outrage at what people are naming their cats.
Let’s not waste any time, for on this list is Bella. Bella! Remember that movie hundreds of years ago about the vampire who liked sitting in trees and the girl who liked sticker books who fell in love and started a Lorde fan site and released a line of black lip balm and got married in a Hot Topic whose sprinklers had gone off?
That’s why Bella is on this list! Every year, for centuries! What this means: People are still naming their cats after Kristen Stewart. That says something right there about Kristen Stewart, which we must have said on one of these roundups before, I hope.
At least Bella is not No. 1, as it was for so many years. This year, Luna takes the top slot on Rover‘s list, jumping four spots from last year and … hey, look at that, Luna is actually a pretty nice name for a kitty! Nice job, people! Way to nail one, cat owners who registered their pets on Rover, which is the data set that Rover used to create this list!
The rest of these names are like the bridal party of Gigi Hadid’s wedding, or maybe the cast of a reality show called Three Days in Coachella With Gigi Hadid and Friendz! According to this graphic, they are:
Note: Those are not little TNT plungers, like we thought up until like a minute ago, they are cat trees.
Are you ready for the boy cats’ names? Well, you can have them. With the exception of Simba and Loki (which should have been Nos. 1 and 2, respectively), this is the roll of any third grade class in any elementary school anywhere in these United States (but most likely the Left Coast, specifically the school right around the corner from my house). Simba and Loki have their work cut out for them if they’re going to make this bunch of squares cool. This is what happens when Gwyneth Paltrow gets to name cats. They are:
Again: Those are not little TNT plungers. (Would have been the time for them, though.)
Also important to note: Rover’s research uncovered these names attached to cats: Khaleesi, Yoda, Bellatrix, and Bieber. How should we take this? I say we put it down as another reason to hate Justin Bieber and move on.
For one of the last bits of cat-name fun, Rover gave us three names with “winning wordplay.” Are you ready? Buckle yourself in, because these three names are Tyrion Cattister, Captain Gingerbeard, and Nachocat. I don’t understand a single one.
Capping the data is the U.S. city with the most cats overall. So, what city do you think has the most cats? If you picked Seattle, you’re right! It’s Seattle. Seattle has the most cats, overall.
That’s a heck of a thing to say, when you stop and think about it.
And that’s the most popular cat names for 2016!