How Many Cats Equals a Crazy Cat Lady?

What's the definition of crazy cat lady? Is it a number of cats? If you dress your cat or not? If you're single, with a...

Dorian Wagner  |  Jan 26th 2012


What’s the definition of crazy cat lady? Is it a number of cats? If you dress your cat or not? If you’re single, with a certain number of cats?

Are you a crazy cat lady if you feed the ferals down the street? Visit the local shelter just to pet the cats and keep them company? Have a picture of your cats on your desk at work?

Is a woman a crazy cat lady if her cats sleep with her at night? Wears cat-themed pajamas and wraps Christmas presents in cat-themed wrapping paper?

Because if we’re tallying stuff up here, I’m pretty much ready to get “Crazy Cat Lady” tattooed on my forehead.

I’ve always heard — and I have no idea where I got this from — that the tipping point to be a crazy cat lady was single with three cats. I guess at that point, the likelihood of a man deciding to take not only you, but your three cats, in his life is a fairly large hurdle. Sometimes I think people turn their nose up at that more than they would if you said you had three small children at home. The children they get; that’s “normal” … but all those cats.

People have this picture in their head of a woman running around ragged in a pee-stinking home with a bathrob on and curlers in her hair, with cats weaving in and out of her ankles and climbing up her sagging pantyhouse. The visual is awesome (I wish I could draw!), but probably not accurate 99 percent of the time.

I have two cats at home and I’m single, and while they might not be helping (one look at my Facebook timeline and it’s safe to assume that any of my friends who aren’t huge animal lovers have probably “hidden” me), I really don’t think it’s the cats that are keeping the guys from beating down my door.

You know what I think? I think they’re intimidated. Because I’m an ambitious, strong person who knows what I like, what I want and what makes me happy. I’m cute, smart and funny. I have a good job with an office and a fancy-schmancy title. And my world revolves around my cats. So if that makes me crazy, sign me up for the loony bin … but only if I can bring Pimp and Moo.

Any other awesome and amazing crazy cat ladies out there? We’re some of the best people I know!