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5 Ways I Can Tell My Cats Have Been Up to No Good

They think they're pretty sneaky, but I see through their weak attempts at looking innocent.

 |  Feb 28th 2014  |   12 Contributions


Cats are curious by nature, and mine think they're pretty sneaky; however, they have the worst poker faces ever. When I walk in a room right after a transgression has transpired, they totally bust themselves. And they still deny any wrongdoing!

They remind me of myself in a way. I'm an absolutely horrible liar, which has always been good news/bad news. I love that I'm honest; however, even little white lies are written all over my face. This did not serve me well when I was growing up. My friends were making up stories their parents believed, and I stood in front of my own parents, making funny faces and avoiding laughter. Yep, I start laughing when I try to lie. I'm a giggling lie detector.

My cats exhibit a variety of behaviors when they've been up to no good. Here are five of them.

1. Aimless wandering

"We're just doing ... something."

When I walk into a room and find more than one cat aimlessly wandering, I'm pretty certain they were just in cahoots. They try to look busy with this pointless roaming about in circles, trying to throw me off their trail. What their kitty brains don't realize is that they look even more guilty.

2. Deflection

Phoebe: "But I'm STARVING."

So one of my kitties knocks my phone off the table and then immediately runs to her dish. Her thought? "Forget about the phone! This never would have happened if you would have fed me." This makes sense to them, even if it's hours before mealtime. They'd shifted the focus, hoping the food issue would overshadow the fallen phone. And suddenly everything is our fault. Again.

3. Pretty innocent

Saffy: "You heard nothing."

Saffy is a known counter cruiser and she's not a small girl. When I'm downstairs and hear a huge thud coming from above, chances are pretty good that Saffy's just descended from a kitchen-counter prowl. By the time I reach the top of the stairs, she's sitting there, pretty as you please. "I did nothing! I've been sitting here in this random spot, looking completely gorgeous for the last hour!"

4. Hiding

Cosmo runs for the hills. Or at least behind a chair.

Sometimes if my cats get into some trouble that produces a crashing sound, they race away from the scene of the crime -- mostly because the sound jarred them, but I have a sneaking suspicion that they figure if I don't see them, the whole crash would be a giant mystery. Sometimes my cats aren't the best hiders, though. 

5. Looking adorable

Phoebe: "But look how cute I am!"

So kitty just ran away with a piece of my turkey sandwich that was sitting on the counter. I run around, trying to find her, making sure she's not choking on anything. The trail of bread crumbs leads right to the offender! And what's she doing? Looking absolutely stinking adorable. Like she's pulled that extra-crazy-unbelievably cute card from the bottom of the deck and tossed it at me. Oh, man. How could I be mad? I immediately fold. 

How can you tell your cats have been up to no good? Tell us in the comments!

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About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.  

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