10 Photos That Prove Cats Hate Thanksgiving
We humans mask the horror that cats face on Thanksgiving. If we merely pretended it didn’t exist, that would almost be understandable. Denial is not right, but it’s a coping mechanism. Yet what we bipeds do is far worse. We make a charade out of cats’ feelings by making them part of the celebration whether they like it or not. (And trust me, it’s “not.”) We saddle them with orders to have fun, to belong to our rituals. We keep them down while pretending it's in their best interest. We choose what they wear, and then we laugh because they look silly. We turn their lives into a melancholy Morrisey song and don’t even have the decency to provide a bedroom where they can draw the shades and cry until it’s over.
Who do we think we are?
Well, I’m Cat Dandy, and I’m here to tell you that this ends TODAY, right here, right now. We can be the impetus for a movement. The photos I’ve collected below illustrate some of the horror. The images are harsh, but I urge you to look at them and share them with your friends. It might be the only way we give our cats back their souls. Maybe by this time next year, they’ll be singing some fluffy Katrina and the Waves song instead of the Smiths. (Wait. No. Bad. I’ll have to reconsider that part. But the rest stands.)
Here are 10 photos with the accompanying reasons that cats hate Thanksgiving. Commit them to memory. It could be our cats’ only hope.
1. We take away what they want most.
Poor kitty. After tasting this and having it snatched from his grasp, his kibble will undoubtedly taste like gravel, or broken pavement.
2. We give them things they can't use.
What genius thought this would be a good dinner for a cat? I hope that Sphynx has her vengeance on.
3. We assign them tasks they don't want to do.
"You want turkey today, cat? No problem! Kill these two. We'll give you some! Trust us!"
4. We show them what they can't have.
"There goes dinner! Go after it! No? Well, we still have food in the house. Hope you like gravel-flavored kibble."
5. We fill them with helium and drag them through the streets of Manhattan.
Forgive me. This one's almost too much to bear. And the poor white domestic shorthair obviously agrees. I'd wear that same blank expression too, if I were in her position. I bet it took her half an hour just to grasp that what was happening was really happening.
6. We humiliate them with costumes.
"You. Will. Regret. This."
7. We humiliate them with costumes and show them.
"Not the mirror! NO! Take it away!"
8. We humiliate them with parts of mismatched costumes.
"Dude, what have they DONE to you? And, well, what are you even supposed to BE?"
9. We humiliate them with costumes and await their surrender.
"You win, okay? I'll get used to it. In fact, it looks rather nice. Have I already said 'you win?' Well, you do. You win. Now take it off me."
10. We leave them no choice but self-medication.
"Please let today have been a bad dream."
Cat Dandy is just kidding. He's thankful for Thomas and all the kitties in his life:
- Serious Question: Do You Have Sex While Your Cat Is in the Room?
- Confession: Jackson Galaxy Is My Celebrity Crush
- Lil Bub's "Dude" Talks About How His Cute Little Cat Got Famous and Changed His Life
- I Scared the Bejesus Out of My Cat -- to Help Her
- The Official Catster Jackson Galaxy Interview, Part Two
- I Think of My Cat as My Friend; Am I Out of My Mind?
- Jackson Galaxy Interview: The Cat Daddy Meets the Cat Dandy
- An Obituary for Toulouse, a Neighborhood Cat I Loved -- and Might Have Saved
- I Got My First Cat-Sitting Assignment -- And I Blew It
- Angry Birds Attacked My Cat, and I Broke It Up -- Stark Naked
- I Love Animals, Including the Ones I Eat: Thoughts from a Cat-Loving Omnivore
- Am I a "Cat Guy" or Just a Guy with a Cat?
- Why I Let My Cat Go Outside
About Keith Bowers: This broad-shouldered, bald-headed, leather-clad motorcyclist also has passions for sharp clothing, silver accessories, great writing, the arts, and cats. This career journalist loves painting, sculpting, photographing, and getting on stage. He once was called "a high-powered mutant," which also describes his cat, Thomas. He is senior editor at Catster and Dogster.