Gather ’round! That’s right — it’s time for a cat slang lesson. On Fridays, we put our thinking caps on and dig into the secret language of Fanglish, a collection of words and phrases used by cats when we humans are out of earshot. It’s nothing new; Fanglish has been around as long has cats have walked the Earth. It has evolved, of course. New items are added and obsolete ones removed. The main point is that our kitties like the secrecy of it — it gives them the superior feeling of thinking they’re a step ahead of us.
Yet Fanglish is slowly making its way to the humans, and it’s all thanks to a little feline informant who delivers lessons to us each week. His only request is that we don’t let our cats know that we know. Not too tough, right? It’s worth the payoff of having a peek inside the underbelly of the feline lexicon. Plus, my informant enjoys the cat treats I give him in exchange for the contraband.
This week, our Fanglish list’s theme is “children.” Cats and children can have a love/hate relationship. Certainly, kitties enjoy the sweet snuggles of little ones; however, loud birthday parties and grabby hands are another matter.
Without further ado, here’s this week’s cat slang lesson, curated just for you.
The act of a child holding a cat in their arms.
“The Lady’s niece picked up Cookie, and she knew it was time for a little child support.”
Children playing loudly in the hallway, making it challenging for a cat to pass by them.
“Misty wanted to take a nap in the guest bedroom, but the kids in the hall were playing a bowling game.”
Sleeping with a pile of stuffed animals.
“Rex enjoyed stuffing up with the teddy bears on The Lady’s bed.”
A child’s room that contains a multitude of dolls.
“The Man’s niece and nephew brought Pumpkin into the valley of the dolls, which meant he’d soon wear a bonnet.”
Swatting of a child’s toy.
“Lux was glad the Legos were all over the floor because a lot of child’s play was about to happen.”
A race to run away from a child who wants to take a cat into their arms.
“The loud neighbor boy was over, signaling the beginning of an arms race.”
Children who drop corn and other assorted food on the floor during mealtime.
“Twinkle saw The Lady put the children of the corn in their highchairs and immediately positioned herself underneath the table.”
A child who claims cats as their own.
“Felix liked the small claim who came to visit because she gave him extra treats.”
Stunk like a teenager’s sweat.
“Kiki enjoyed napping on top of The Boy’s basketball shoes because they smelled like teen spirit.”
The sound of a school bus pulling in front of a house, signaling a child is home from school.
“Moo heard the homing signal and waited by the door to see her favorite little human.”
The consideration of placing a cat in a closed bedroom during a child’s birthday party.
“The Man did Peaches a party favor during his 5-year-old nephew’s birthday get-together.”
Inability to complete math homework because a cat is lying on top of the book and papers.
“The Boy tried to finish his algebra homework, but a feline math problem slowed him down.”
Watching an infant or small child cry.
“The visiting baby began sobbing, and Mr. Whiskers stared from under the coffee table, wail-watching.”
The act of plopping oneself on top of a child’s floor that’s littered with clothing and toys.
“YoYo saw The Girl’s bedroom door was open and decided it was high time for a floor installation.”
That’s all for this week, friends! Come back next Friday for another interesting and enlightening Fanglish lesson.