When His Honorable Highness Colonel Meow passed away early this year, it left a gap in the cat realm for a new iron-fisted, straight-talking leader to step up and rule. The controversial Stalin The Cat has made a recent grab to take that spot, but I’d like to nominate a new contender — Salvatore “The Skillet” Gravano.
Facebook chatter suggests that Sal likes to dabble in the noble trifecta of hobbies that is “hot dogs, whiskey, and kicking ass.” He also sports a permanent gaze of disapproval due to a face that his human has likened to that of a flattened skillet, and it seems he’s named in part after a Gambino crime family member.
Here’s your primer on the cat who could well be your new Internet overlord. Be somewhat afraid.
It was empty when I found it.
Big Brother is always watching. (Insert maniacal meow.)
Formal attire is the only attire.
Salvatore was shocked, chagrined, and utterly disgusted at his human’s cosmopolitan-looking red beverage.
After a bad investment in the seasonal squash market, Salvatore resorted to desperate measures to recoup his capital.
The bootleg Google Glass game however had proved very profitable to The Skillet.
The ’70s were hazy times for the best of us. Let us never speak of this incriminating picture again.
About Phillip Mlynar: The self-appointed world’s foremost expert on rappers’ cats. When not penning posts on rap music, he can be found building DIY cat towers for his adopted domestic shorthair, Mimosa, and collecting Le Creuset cookware (in red). He has also invented cat sushi, but it’s not quite what you think it is.