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10 Cats Who Just Might Kick Your Ass

The cats in these photos have giant cans of whoop-ass and aren't afraid to open them.

 |  Sep 26th 2013  |   14 Contributions


It's no secret cats are total badasses. Some people think they're just docile little no-personality slugs, but those of us who really know cats know they can be little spitfires who can dish out no-holds-barred cranky expressions that include the stinkiest of stink eyes. And will they kick your ass? You bet they will.

Here are 10 such cats:

1. Holiday horrors

"I'll show you some reindeer games, jackass." Photo: Ross Berteig

No explanation needed on this one. Pretty much anytime you try and dress up your cat, they're ready to kick your ass. This is especially true around the holidays, when the outfits are extra humiliating -- and sometimes jingle.

2. "Oh no you didn't!"

"Oh, guuurrrl!" Photo: Ralph Arvesen

This cat can't believe what just happened. His face is full of disgust and irritation. Probably because you were late with his dinner. "Are you freaking serious? Don't even." Yeah, you're gonna pay for that one.

3. Cloaked hostility

Sometimes cats want to be sneaky about kicking your ass. They hide and watch you, seething about whatever it was was you did to completely ruin their lives. You know, like locking them out of the bathroom so you could poo in peace. This is a cat with a grudge.

4. Snarky scuffle

"You're still here? Why?" Photo: tscherno

This cat is full of snark. She's got a bone to pick and isn't afraid to take you down. And she'll be smirking the entire time. She's like the tough roller derby girl of the cat world. Bad ... wait for it ... ass.

5. Game over

"Checkmate, bitch." Photo: Allie Cooper

This cat is ready to kick your ass ... at chess. He's not accustomed to losing and isn't about to give it up to a lowly human. Bobby Fischer can suck it -- this cat's got game. And when he's finished whooping you, he'll swat each game piece onto the floor. Because he's still a cat and likes to do stuff like that.

6. This is war

"You'd be wise to walk away." Photo: Felinest

Do you want to cross this face? I don't. He's looks like an angry little Orson Welles -- and he's ready to declare war on your world. Also, remember to buy the right treats next time.

7. Med head

"I've got your side effects ..." Photo: Raymond Johnston

So first you place a bottle of prescription meds on his head, and then you grab the camera. Is he ready to kick your ass? Um, yeah. Side effects may include angry scratch to the arm and extended-release feline disdain.

8. Humiliation ends here

"Well now you're just embarrassing yourself." Photo: Ralph Arvesen

This cat is clearly disgusted. He's got the ear thing going on and won't even look at the camera. A human is probably calling him embarrassing names like Fluffbutt or Squishbottom. A cat can only take so much of that crap before he opens up a can of whoop-ass and teaches you a lesson. 

9. The final straw

"Or you gonna put that thing away or shall I?" Photo: Gilly

This photo was taken mere seconds before a camera was swiped out of a hand and an ass was kicked. When a cat looks like this, it's only a matter of time. 

10. Tiny tenacious teeth

"Do you feel intimidated? You should." Photo: zhouxuan12345678

Yeah, kittens are cute and all, but they want us to know they have an intimidating side as well. This baby may look like a cuddly puffball, but at any moment, she's ready to turn on a dime and sink those needly little teeth right into your hand. Tough as nails, I tell you. And after she kicks your ass, she'll make some serious biscuits on your leg.

Does your cat want to kick your ass? Tell us about it in the comments! And post pics!

About the Author: Angie Bailey is a goofy girl with freckles and giant smile who wants everyone to be her friend. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, and thinking about cats doing people things. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that may or may not offend people. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

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