Happy Earth Day, friends! This year’s annual environmental celebration lands on a Friday. What better way to acknowledge the day than with a Earth Day-themed Fanglish lesson? Each week, my feline informant secretly brings me a brand new list from the underground feline cat slang lexicon called Fanglish, and then I share the lesson with you. This is a treat for us because — even though Fanglish has been around since the days of ancient Egypt — humans have never been hip to the terminology.
Thank goodness for cat-shaped moles who are willing to accept treats in exchange for a peek into the back-alley world where our cats live. It’s good to know people … even if they’re cats. My only request is that you keep these lessons to yourself. We don’t want to get anybody in trouble, and secrets are fun, right? Cats have enough power over us. We should at least get to have a secret or two. Or three.
So here we go — this week’s Fanglish lesson, wherein all the words have an Earth Day groove. Study hard! There might just be a pop quiz next week. Just kidding. (Maybe.)
Solar heat absorbed by a cat who’s lying in the sun that will later provide enhanced stamina.
“Thanks to Mitzy’s solar energy charge in the morning, she was able to wrestle with Stripey Pants all afternoon.”
Consume food that’s found in a cat’s immediate area.
“Because she liked to eat local, Swizzle Stick hoped The Lady never repaired the hole in the screen that allowed flies into the house.”
Removing used litter from a litter box.
“Homer heard strange noises coming from the bathroom, and then realized The Man was taking care of litter collection.”
Preserving energy by taking extended naps.
“Peanut slept six straight hours because she was a big fan of conservation.”
An environment a cat will not enter because of a generalized fear of what resides there.
“Even though The Lady moved the vacuum cleaner to the basement, Harold avoided the broom closet, the bias-fear that once held the appliance.”
Leftover food stolen and eaten from a household garbage can.
“The dog knocked over the kitchen trash bin, and Tabby Tom took advantage of the renewable resources.”
The world that surrounds an egotistical cat.
“Pizza Cat’s egosystem’s rules included his right to demand treats in the middle of the night.”
Sustenance received from eating another cat’s food.
“Pepper’s food bowl was empty to she made the rounds to the other cats’ dishes, looking for alternative energy.”
Eating leftover food directly from a human’s plate.
“The Man left the table to grab dessert, and Q-Tip suddenly realized he was totally into recycling.”
The foul-smelling breath emanating from a canine.
“Tiny Toes was trying to sleep, but Rex’s poor air quality made it impossible to breathe.”
A bag of any kind that a cat reuses for play, napping, or general relaxation.
“Felix and Luther were always conscious of utilizing reusable bags.”
The sequence of links, usually beginning with a cat eating and ending with a dog consuming the cat’s litter box droppings or hairballs.
“The Man noticed the day’s food chain was coming to an end when the dog’s face was buried in Oprah’s litter box.”
A cat’s state of mind when he notices a human might have something for him.
“Peter Piper heard crinkling sounds coming from the kitchen and immediately went into the oh! zone.”
Remember to come back next Friday for a brand new Fanglish cat slang lesson. Don’t forget to erase your browsing history before you close your computer. If cats can get away with a secret language, they can certainly access your history. Consider yourself warned!