Summertime brings with it a host of fun activities with family and friends. Some larger families even gather for reunions, celebrating their gene pools with potato salad and matching T-shirts. The dynamics in families are funny things — it seems to me there’s a lot of love/hate action going on at most gatherings. For the most part, we can’t really choose our family, so we get what we get, which sometimes includes spending time with individuals we’d normally avoid at parties.
I think cats would have the same feelings if they were to attend their own family reunions. And I also believe they’d avoid the same types of relatives who seem to pop up at every family gathering. Here are six examples.
There’s always some aunt who has to tell everyone about how when you were a toddler, you’d strip off your clothes and run around the backyard singing your ABCs at the top of your lungs. Nobody wants that memory unearthed, and certainly not 50 bajillion times at every family holiday and event. Certain kitty-aunties would share similar embarrassments: “Remember when you were learning to use the litter box and you pooped over the edge?”
You know that grandma: the one who can’t stop pinching your cheeks and leaning in with her coffee-breath mouth for multiple kisses. That’s right — there are some cat grandmothers who just can’t stop holding down the youngsters and tongue-bathing them. “Grandma, stop! You’re embarrassing me!”
“When are you getting married?”
“Don’t you have any kids yet?”
“Have you gotten a raise?”
Ugh. There’s always that relative who wants to get all up in our business and ask nosy questions we’d just rather not answer. Kitty relatives can be the same way, except their questions would be more like:
“Is Junior neutered yet?”
“Did you finally get rid of those ear mites?”
“I haven’t seen your father around. Is he feral now?”
When family gets together, gossip is usually afoot. Stories begin circulating about who’s headed for divorce, who just returned from rehab, and which cousin is on his way to juvie. Cats can be chatty, and certainly some spread all kinds of gossip at reunions. You know, juicy tidbits about who hasn’t had their rabies vaccinations and who’s stealing from family members to fuel their catnip addiction.
We can usually count on at least one relative really hitting the sauce and completely embarrassing themselves. Cats like Uncle Whiskers don’t seem to know when to lay off the catnip, and when the family gets together, he gets totally nip-faced and winds up rolling around in the corner, drooling and telling everyone how much he loves them.
Just like at class reunions, there are always those who tend to embellish the truth in order to impress everyone. The mailroom job is suddenly a management position with a corner office, and the child really isn’t on the honor roll — they were, in fact, suspended for smoking Mary Jane in the girls’ bathroom. Cats would brag about false accomplishments like catching the red dot and opening locked doors.
What kind of annoying characters do you think would show up at cats’ family reunions? Tell us in the comments!
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About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.