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7 Pearls of Wisdom From Grandmotherly Cats

Once a cat has made it to her ninth life, she has plenty of sage advice for the younger set.

 |  Jul 11th 2014  |   9 Contributions


Throughout history, we've looked to our elders for advice and wisdom. They've been around longer than we have and have learned a few things. When I was much younger, I felt irritated when someone older than me tried to tell me something that went against what my undeveloped brain and overactive hormones wanted to believe. Of course, as I grew older, I began to appreciate all those valuable offerings, and wish I would have listened back in the day. What's that they say about hindsight? 

I think the elders of the feline community would have some pearls of wisdom to share with the younger set. Here are seven that have stood the test of time.

1. Knowledge is knowing you have to cough up a hairball; wisdom is coughing it on the carpet instead of the linoleum

"Come here, sonny." Photo: Dennis Harper

The elder generation of kitties have been around the block more than a few times and have learned a thing or two about how to irritate humans. Grandma's old "coughing up a hairball on carpet" advice is a time-tested nugget of invaluable wisdom.

2. Nobody likes to go to the vet, but sometimes it's just your turn

"Back in my day ..." Photo: BluebearsLair

"Quit your whinin', ya spoiled little whippersnapper! Do you think I want to go to the vet? Of course not! Sometimes we just have to put on our big girl collars and do it." Now that's a grandma droppin' some wisdom.

3. Never leave the house unbathed

"Listen up if you know what's good for ya." Photo: Tom Sens

Grandma always told us to make sure we wore clean underwear when we left the house. You know, in case we were in a terrible accident and the emergency workers decided to judge our underpants. Ridiculous, yes. However, feline grannies offer similar advice to kittens: "Make sure you're clean head-to-tail before you leave the house! You never know who you're going to run into. We don't want the neighbors talking about that dingleberry hanging off your bottom."

4. Foolish cats waste time looking for catnip; wise ones grow their own

"Come sit by Granny." Photo: Ariel Matzuk

Why keep chasing after the best nip in the county? What a waste of time, right? Grandma knows homegrown is always best, and then you can spend your time rolling around in it instead of chasing it. This is also a metaphor for generally creating your own good fortune. You know, like catnip.

5. Don't judge others -- your litter box is just as dirty

"In your 5th life, you'll be glad I told your this." Photo: Jessica Merz

Cats don't live in glass houses, nor do they throw stones, but they do have something to say about that sort of thing. Stop judging your fellow felines ... and bring grandma a snack.

6. Share your toys -- nobody likes a Greedy Gus

"I wasn't born yesterday, ya know." Photo: Tom Sens

Toys come and go, but friendships can last for nine whole lives. Share your toys, and your good deed will return to you tenfold. Maybe in the form of a catnip rat.

7. Everything happens for a reason; sometimes that reason is because you're high on catnip and make bad choices

"In the old country kittens listened to their Grandmothers." Photo: David Blackwell

Grandma says, "Relax, don't do it ... and lay off the nip, sonny!"

Do you have any grandmotherly feline advice? Share some in the comments!

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About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.  

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