My cats are adorable. I know, yours are too. All cats are downright delectable, right? Sometimes I just stare at my cats for longer than is probably necessary, but who decides what’s necessary, anyway? Their cuteness requires lots of my attention, and nobody’s going to tell me when I’m finished admiring my cats’ fanned-out toes.
Now touching, that’s another story. My cats allow me the luxury of gazing upon them ’til my heart’s content, but when I lean in to touch certain parts of their bodies, they act like prison guards on visiting day: “No touching!”
If only I could freeze my cats in certain positions so I could bury my face in those bellies and closely examine those baby-corn teeth, I’d be over-the-moon happy. And I don’t mean actually freezing them, of course. What am I, a sicko? No way. I just wish I had magical powers to keep them in a singular position for a couple of minutes. No harm would come to the feline participants, I promise. Here are some of the positions I’d choose.
I’m a total sucker for a feline leg-dangle. They look so leisurely when their back legs are draped over the side of a surface. I like to gently grab the leg and kiss it, but the real fun comes in running a finger between their kitty toes until they spread like a fan. My cat will allow this nonsense for a couple of minutes, tops. Call me greedy, but I want more.
There’s very little I swoon over more than the tiny, top and bottom baby-corn rows of front teeth in a kitty’s mouth. After I give Phoebe her pill at night, she sits still for about three seconds so I can admire the little bits. How is that even close to being long enough for proper admiration? It’s not. Cosmo will allow me a few peeks while he’s dead-asleep, or at least well on his way to sawing logs. Sometimes I search Flickr for photos of cats’ baby-corn teeth. I’m not even kidding. Occasionally a bonus peeky tongue will present itself, too. That, my friends, is a golden moment.
My Cosmo has a thing about hiding. And when I unexpectedly happen upon him, I completely lose it. He’s surprised, I’m surprised, it’s a surprise-a-palooza! Shortly after the humor of finding him, he takes off. I’d love to just extend that moment a little longer. I want to continue laughing, and watch his funny little surprised face. Just for a few extra seconds … or minutes.
Just the vision of the inside-out ear is good enough for me, but the silliness of the cat acting dignified with that little flippy-ear-thing going on is way too much. I also enjoy lightly touching the coarse hairs inside their ears. It’s all good — I just want more of it.
I love so much about a yawning cat: I can see their teeth, their tongue stretches, their eyes and nose scrunch up, and they sometimes make a little squeaky sound, or a me-yawn. You know what I mean, right? That meow-yawn combo? It’s precious and hysterical all at once. Please allow me the pleasure of freezing a kitty’s face mid-yawn. Thank you.
Ah, the belly. This is the main reason I wish for cat freezing. Some humans are lucky enough to share their lives with cats who don’t mind having their belly rubbed or huffed. Sadly, I am not among those individuals. I would pay good money for the magical power to freeze my cats for about 10 minutes so I could majorly belly-huff without getting my face kicked off.
In what positions do you wish you could freeze your cat? Give us some examples in the comments!
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About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.
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