Humor
Share this image

5 Ways That I Know My Cats Are Super Psychic

They use their gift of psychic abilities to irritate me -- and to keep things interesting for themselves.

 |  Nov 15th 2013  |   14 Contributions


I believe cats are intuitive beings. We have special bonds with our kitties, and we often inexplicably sense each other's thoughts. I think cats occasionally use this against us ... just to piss us off a little bit. Why would they do that? Because they're cats and they can. And they know we won't do a darn thing about it. They're smart that way.

Cosmo: "I know what you know before you know it."

I'm pretty sure my cats are extraordinarily gifted in the ways of using psychic abilities to irritate me. They love me and everything, but they like to keep things interesting. Here are five ways they do this.

1. You were going to wear this?

Phoebe: "You wouldn't."

Somehow my cats sense the article of clothing I'll soon need and then plop on top of it. This act annoys me in two ways: 1) The clothes will now undoubtedly be covered in cat hair, and 2) I probably won't move the cat because I'd feel bad about stealing the comfy bed. So I'd have to choose something else to wear, thus wasting mass amounts of time. Hey, it takes me a while to choose an outfit.   

2. Running late? Here you go

Saffy: "I have no idea what you're talking about."

My cats must feel my energy when I'm rushing around and running late because they take the opportunity to stall me even further. They do this in multiple ways, but their favorite method is by coughing a giant hairball in some undisclosed location. This usually happens as I'm finally walking out the door, and then I have to stop, drop my purse and go on a "treasure" hunt. I try to remember from where I heard the telltale hacking and proceed in that direction. It's like a disgusting game of Marco Polo. Of course none of the cats will 'fess up. 

3. Get up

What Cosmo's face looks like when I open my eyes.

Why is it that on the days I don't have to wake up early, my cats want to start hassling me even earlier than usual? Not fair! They seem to know I may have the opportunity to sleep in a little, and then they yank the pleasure right out from under me. Little psychic jerkfaces.

4. Dibs!

Saffy: "What?"

It never fails: I have an armful of books, food, or some other important supplies (although there's not much more important than books and food), am headed over to the chair in which I'd planned to sit and BOOM! There's a cat who's already claimed the space. There are at least eleventy-four places in my house for a cat to sit, but no. They want the only spot I'd had my eye on. This is the total misuse of metaphysical power.

5. Sorry about your bladder -- not

How did he know??

As soon as a cat settles happily and comfortably in my lap, there goes my bladder. I swear I didn't need to go before he'd settled into place. What's up with that? His intuitive timing is impeccable. He knows I won't move him ... at least until I'm ready to pee all over the sofa cushion. I think he just likes to see me squirm. SO not cool. 

Do you think your cat is psychic? Does he or she use these special powers to harass or frustrate you? Tell us about it in the comments!

About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

Read more by Angie Bailey:

Contributions

Tip: Creating a profile and avatar takes just a minute and is a great way to participate in Catster's community of people who are passionate about cats.

blog comments powered by Disqus