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I'm Pretty Sure My Cats Want Me to Be Illiterate

Maybe I'm wrong, but whenever I pick up a book, they show me what's more important: Cats

 |  Aug 8th 2014  |   22 Contributions


Editor's note: Tomorrow (Saturday, Aug. 9) is Book Lovers Day. Because we know it can be quite a challenge for book lovers and cats to coexist, we're republishing this post by Angie Bailey from last fall.

I love reading a good book and don't seem to carve out enough time to really enjoy it. I usually find other things I "should" be doing -- you know, fun stuff like laundry and dishes. And then when I finally sit down to read, I wonder why I don't spend more time doing it. Silly me.

Cosmo: "Now this is a book I could really get into."

Although I fully delight settling in for an afternoon to read, it's not as easy as it sounds. You see, I have these three cats. I think they hear the book crack and take it as an invitation to divert me into paying attention to what's really important: them. 

Here are five ways my cats sabotage my recreational literary efforts:

1. Facebooking

Check out the drool marks on the corner of the page. This book must taste delicious.

Cosmo feels the need to rub his face over every piece of my reading material. Normally I don't mind his obsession with putting his mark on everything related to me, but the constant face-shoving makes the book shake so much that I constantly lose my place. Oh, and he drools. 

2. Jumping on the counter

Saffy: "What? You didn't need to get up -- I'm just fine."

When I'm vulnerable -- or at least distracted by something enjoyable -- Saffy becomes an opportunist. And by that, I mean she switches into counter cruise-control. She figures I'm too busy to pay attention to her antics. She's wrong -- I hear her and, of course, put down my book to remove her chunky butt from the countertop. She never learns and I never get a solid 15 minutes of reading time.

3. Food, please!

Cosmo and Saffy are piggies and get fed twice a day -- period. If I allowed them to graze, it would never happen. They'd inhale their food, then Saffy would go after Phoebe's. Then everyone would visit Puketown. Little Phoebe, however, is a grazer. She prefers to nibble, but isn't allowed that luxury. Because of the piggies, we feed Pheebs on demand. She stands by her plate and meows when she's hungry. We give her a little and stand guard while she eats. 

Phoebe: "I'm starving to death and she wants to read??"

Why is it that she always seems to want food when I'm engrossed in a book? I'm trying to feed my brain and she wants to feed her face. No fair.

4. Book as bed

Saffy: "You want this? Why?"

Did you know books make great cat beds? Well, they sure do. I know this must be true because my cats don't waste any time plopping on top of my book when I'm trying to read. Not only must it be the coziest bed in town, the cat suddenly becomes the center of my attention. They aren't dumb.

5. Cuteness

How can you resist? I sure can't.

Why do cats have to play the cute card just as soon as I am (finally) doing something non-cat related? Honestly, I'll have my nose buried in a totally engaging story and hear a cute little kitty sigh. I'll reluctantly look over to see one of my cats stretched in the most adorable pose ever! Damn it. Better grab the camera because I know I can use this for an upcoming post. And once I'm on the floor with Cutie McInterruption Pants, I can't just immediately go back to reading. Nope. I'm there on the floor for at least 10 to 15 minutes. Or however long it takes to adequately snuggle, pet and otherwise admire the gorgeous feline specimen lying on my floor. 

Does your cat encroach on your reading time? Tell us about it in the comments!

About the Author: Angie Bailey is a goofy girl with freckles and giant smile who wants everyone to be her friend. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, and thinking about cats doing people things. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that may or may not offend people. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

Read more by Angie Bailey: 

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