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5 Super Powers My Cats Think They Possess

Sure, my cats are super cute and super funny, but that's about all in the super-power department.

 |  Mar 6th 2014  |   19 Contributions


My cats think they have super powers -- I'm not even kidding. I know cats are super cute and super funny, but I don't think I'm willing to give them credit for anything outside the ordinary realm of feline abilities.  

Saffy as Mighty Hippo.

OK, I take that back just a little bit. Once, HeroMachine turned my Saffy into a super hero right here on Catster. Her hero name was Mighty Hippo, and her power was the super-olfactory sense to sniff out even the smallest crumb. Maybe that's not the most impressive of powers, but you have to admit she looks pretty darn adorable in the hippo suit. 

Here are five real super powers my cats think they possess, yet clearly do not.

1. Speed

Speed? Not so much.

Sure, Saffy can sniff out most anything food-related, but she somehow thinks she has the extraordinary speed required to jump on the counter, obtain her delicious target and then leave the scene of the crime ... all before getting busted. This couldn't be more of a falsehood. She's convinced she moves with amazing speed, but she's a rather large gal (see Mighty Hippo). Sorry, Saff.

2. Telepathy

Cosmo wills me to feed him a second breakfast.

My cats are pretty confident that if they stare at me long enough, they can somehow bend my will and I'll either feed them or invite them into my lap. I'm usually cool with a kitty snuggle, but they are dead wrong if they think I'm feeding them every time they give me that hypnotic look. Doesn't stop them from trying and continuing to believe they are gifted with telepathic powers. Go take a nap, ya bunch of fuzz-butt Svengalis.

3. Strength

Able to open the food container with a single paw!

Sometimes Phoebe likes to think she has the super strength to unlatch the lock on the bin of cat food. Once, it was already unlatched and she knocked it over. This fluke of an event gave her the false belief that she does indeed possess the strength of a mountain lion. I allow her to believe it because cats need their egos stroked, and it's a small thing. Rawr.

4. Time travel

Cosmo wishes to travel ahead in time, avoiding the vet appointment.

When it's time for a vet visit, my cats typically retreat. Even though I leave the carrier out for a day or two beforehand, they seem to sense when it's time for it to take flight. I'm certain they're thinking, "I saw the carrier, and thought for sure I'd used my super power to travel forward in time, past this whole vet-visit business. What happened??" I'd make a Dr. Who joke here, but I don't watch the show. Dr. Who fans: Feel free to insert your own funny.

5. Invisibility

You don't see me.

I love it when cats think they're totally hiding when they're totally visible. As long as their heads are covered and they can't see us, they're pretty confident they've somehow draped an invisibility cloak over their entire bodies. And then they look completely surprised when we indicate we can indeed see them. Sorry, Hairy Potter, your cloak is defective. 

Do your cats think they have super powers? Tell us in the comments!

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Read more by Angie Bailey:

About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.  

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