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Air Freshener Scents, As Designed By Cats

Last I checked, Glade didn't make an "Expired Rodent" variety but perhaps should consider it.

 |  Aug 20th 2013  |   10 Contributions


Cats love the weirdest smells. A few days ago, my Saffy spent nearly an entire day with her nose buried in one of my daughter's Converse sneakers. We all laughed because hardly anything made her budge. And if she did abandon the shoe to visit the litter box or grab a drink of water, she'd return right away. I am here to tell you those shoes are stink-stink-stinky -- not as bad as my son's disgusting, size-12 funky boats -- but still pretty foul.

Cosmo loves the foul footwear, but I have other feelings about it.

I'll bet cats would love to design their own air fresheners so they could treat their noses to their favorite fetid scents 24/7. And of course they'd have cheesy names, just like the ones on the shelves at Target.

1. Zesty Garbage

Waiting for a whiff. Photo: Mr. T in DC

Pawing through a garbage can is like panning for gold to a cat. There's some junk in there, but sometimes you get lucky and unearth something valuable ... like recently discarded lunch meat or something doused in gravy. Our kitchen bin has a lid that my cats could never open, but they sure are curious every time it's lifted. The smelly threads of bygone meals waft out of the can and are artistically woven together like a fine tapestry of yuck. The cats couldn't be more delighted.

2. Expired Rodent Whispers

"Wrong kind of mouse." Photo: Christopher

Cats love the smell of death and, if given the opportunity, will probably roll around on the deceased remains of anything that crosses their paths. They'd especially enjoy the everlasting scent of expired rodent. They'd never again have to leave the house to embrace the rich fragrance of rotting mice and squirrels! This one is a best seller, especially among the indoor set who've never experienced the unique odor firsthand.

3. Cat Butt Breeze

"I wonder if they have this in Cornish Rex?" Photo: Robert Couse-Baker

I know cats smell each other's behinds as a way to get to know one another, but they obviously like the smell, right? They'd certainly design a whole line of cat-butt scented air fresheners. Perhaps some would smell like the rears of celebrity cats. The Lil Bub Butt freshener would be particularly popular. Of course, Grumpy Cat wouldn't sign the consent form to release his own back-door bouquet. Typical.

4. Dirty Laundry Delight

Phoebe knows that dirty jeans hold all kinds of delicious smells.

Cats adore laundry -- dirty or clean -- but sometimes they're in the mood to get a little funky and opt for some grungy garments. They love to dig around and rub their faces all over our sweaty workout clothes, grimy socks and even our used undergarments. They can't get enough of our scent and would, of course, be able to order custom air fresheners that replicated the odor of a particular article of clothing. The cat simply mails in a hamper sample and in six to eight weeks, their one-of-a-kind fragrance arrives. Joy!

5. Footwear Fantasy

Cosmo: "Fresh and warm -- my favorite."

Shoes! What's more inviting to a cat than the malodorous aura of footwear, the stinkier the better. Can you imagine a cat's ecstasy when she no longer has to visit a shoe in order to enjoy the rank aroma? The rancid tones of Footwear Fantasy would permeate the room as she drifted off to dreamland. These fresheners are only sold in pairs. 

What kind of air freshener would your cat design? Tell us about it in the comments! 

About the Author: Angie Bailey is a goofy girl with freckles and giant smile who wants everyone to be her friend. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, and thinking about cats doing people things. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that may or may not offend people. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

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